WHEN HIS FATHER KNEW HE WAS LOOKING (ABOUT MY N HUSBAND'S LIFE AS A CHILD)
When his father knew he was looking and listening...
he told his son that he could do a much better job
and his son learned that nothing he did would ever be good enough
When his father knew he was looking...
he stomped on the head of a rabbit to watch its eyes bug out and laughed, and his son learned that animals have NO FEELINGS and deserve evil treatment
When he knew his son was looking and listening, he molested both his sisters and told him it was because his one sister "wanted" it. his son learned that women were meant to be used sexually, because they WANTED to be, but that, because they wanted it, they were disgusting, despicable people.
When he knew his son was looking and listening, he refused to go to church and made himself be feared by his children as though he were a God. His son came to believe that the only one he could trust was his father and his own abilities.
When he knew his son was looking, he pretended to be a "happy family" in between the threats, the beatings, the molesting...it was all pretend, and his son learned to live in a fantasy land of magical thinking the rest of his life, believing that emotions were stupid and weak.
When you thought I wasn't looking
I saw tears come from your eyes
And I learned that sometimes things hurt --
But that it's alright to cry.
When he knew his son was looking, he showed him an angry face, he scowled...and it made his son grow up with lines in his head from the same angry look on his own face.
When he knew his son was looking and listening, he condemned him, told him how stupid he was, made fun of him every time he even made friends with a girl, and his son learned that it was not healthy to get close to a woman, that nothing he ever did would be good enough to please his father, and that life was something that had to be re-created in his own mind, rather than faced for the reality that it was. His son learned to put his trust in becoming RICH as evidence of being a success in life.
When he knew his son was looking and listening, he spoke and acted cruelly behind closed doors, being kind to everyone in the neighborhood so they'd never suspect a thing...and his son was looking and listening and learning...the very behaviors that are currently ruining his wife's relationship with him today!
This father now lays dying alone in a hospital with altzheimers...having been also the possible victim of abuse in an orphanage and having then perpetrated that same thing on my husband, his son and my sisters in law, his daughters.
At this point, I'm informally separated from him (I sleep in a room with my daughter), am preparing an ultimatum, and, if the ultimatum is not at least being attempted to be met, I am planning to take legal action to remove myself and whatever children I have custody of, from the situation.
more to follow
