Author Topic: why?  (Read 4117 times)

Lupita

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Re: why?
« Reply #15 on: July 28, 2007, 08:03:31 AM »
wow Hop that is so true.

I think it's just that after a while it becomes so EXHAUSTING to feel so desperate that some little cylinder in our head clicks and we just...turn

Yesterday I felt well. I remember similar situations where I felt exhausted. Just to think of O and A and P, it is exhausting, I have to erase that.

It is erased.

lighter

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Re: why?
« Reply #16 on: July 28, 2007, 10:32:42 AM »
Hey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
, after that I grab a drink and started talking to somebody else, when another beginner asked me to practice with him, then, I did. when i finished dancing with those two students, the first arrogant came back to ask me if I would dance with him again. After that, he did not let me alone. He knew if he left me alone, I would not stay alone.



Heh..... if you're busy.... people really ARE drawn to you, lol! 

I just loved that you went on with your evening and found other things to do, rather than feel rejected by ego boy.

In this case, I suspsect the first arrogant boy wants to assert his right and authority to posess you, if he chooses.  I don't want to upset you or scare you but..... keep your gaurd up.

Don't give him any information about yourself.  Remain aloof and busy, you can dance with him all you want but..... don't let him step on your shiney new boudaries, Lupita.


Ami

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Re: why?
« Reply #17 on: July 28, 2007, 07:35:08 PM »
[Lupita,

You asked why it devastates you so to be ignored by people.  I think when we feel deeply devastated because someone didnt say "hi" to us, it's because we need so much to have every bit of that approval in order to feel good in our own skin.  I suspect, Lupita, that you feel very bad about yourself most of the time and you are very dependent on every bit of attention--kind of like crossing a deep, dangerous stream by stepping from rock to rock.  You can't afford to take the next step unless a rock is there to land on. 

There are some deep internal things to do to break free of this kind of thinking, and I see you doing them and not holding back from the hard work of facing your feelings and dealing with their origins.  In addition you could do a couple of other things that both involve facing outwards:  one, try to recognize that most people are focused on themselves more than you.  That's both a curse and a blessing  It sometimes it means that you don't get the empathy you would like, but it also means that you are probably not being actively rejected as much as you think




This ( above) is very profound. In my uncovering of the layers of my true self, I am coming to these lessons.I have been so dependent on outside approval b/c I felt so,very badly about myself. I was trying to fix the inside by controlling the outside.
   Today, while I was exercising , I was thinking about Lupita's posts. I was trying to remember the 'happiest" times in my life. They were  times when I was whole. The times when I was being complimented, approved of or found a new boyfriend were exciting,but they were not fufilling. When I was at peace wih myself, that was fufillling. I remember small slices in time when I was happy. Many of them involve other people ,but I was  happy b/c I was in harmony inside--- not b/c the other person or situation "made" me happy.
  As I heal, these slices in time are coming back to  me.  I am remembering the feelings that went with them. My happiest times were ALWAYS when I felt whole. The activity and the person were secondary.
   CB's statement about "most people are worrying about themselves and not us" strikes me, too. I "knew" that when I was younger.. I was not that self conscious b/c I knew that no one was really very concerned about me. They were concerned about themselves. I could relax and just be me.
 I remember how it felt to develop  the qualities that I liked in me. I was a warm person and I liked that. I could make people feel comfortable. I  had a good sense of humor.   I ,also, tried to develop the character that I wanted.  I wanted to act in a way that I could respect myself .These strivings for my own development gave me confidence  This is the path, I think.Thank you CB. That was a great post                      Love  Ami .
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

Ami

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Re: why?
« Reply #18 on: July 28, 2007, 07:48:47 PM »
[One of my favorite stories from CS Lewis, in Surprised by Joy, was of his "conversion experience." Verrrrrrrry low-key, after he'd wrestled and wrestled and struggled with the thinking. He wrote that he was on his way to give a lecture, and when he got in the car, he wasn't sure he believed that Christ was the son of god, and when he got there, he did. Just a quiet moment in the back of a cab.




Dear Hops,
    I think that this(above)happened to me with self love. I think that there is a certain amount of "trash" that you have to take out, so to speak, before you can get the quiet revelation. It seems to be that way for me, anyway. Thanks for your kind posts to me, Hops              Love  Ami
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

CB123

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Re: why?
« Reply #19 on: July 28, 2007, 10:11:49 PM »
Hops,

I think that you would like CS Lewis' book Mere Christianity.  He's a neat guy.

Love

CB
When they are older and telling their own children about their grandmother, they will be able to say that she stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way -- and it surely has not -- she adjusted her sails.  Elizabeth Edwards 2010

Hopalong

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Re: why?
« Reply #20 on: July 28, 2007, 11:08:43 PM »
I've always loved Lewis...got Mere on the shelf...right next to bio of the Dalai Lama, UU tomes...poetry...
(though maybe I relate even better to Screwtape!)  :?

I loved the movie...Shadowlands, and Surprised by Joy. Grew up on (maybe in!) Narnia...

There's an innocence about him that reminds me of my dad, who was in Oxford during the war, and kinda don-ish...

Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."