intellectual vs. emotional responses

[guest101]

true dialogue is talking about how you feel and asking someone else how they feel and being able to respond -

for ex.  so you feel this way?  why?   Not telling someone what they feel -- there is a difference. and I can't LOL because I don't feel there is anything funny about ignoring another person's feelings.

if anyone can take anything positive away from this dialogue they can take that away.  I have talked about my feelings -- my voice which is my own and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

authentically, Guest101

[lighter]

true dialogue is talking about how you feel and asking someone else how they feel and being able to respond -

for ex.  so you feel this way?  why?   Not telling someone what they feel -- there is a difference. and I can't LOL because I don't feel there is anything funny about ignoring another person's feelings.

if anyone can take anything positive away from this dialogue they can take that away.  I have talked about my feelings -- my voice which is my own and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

authentically, Guest101

Ummmm..... I have to authentically throw a red flag on the field.....

and we'll just have to agree to disagree.     

 

[Hopalong]

Dear Guest,

I'm sorry you felt hurt when I responded to TT's post about our limits here.
I wasn't thinking about your feelings just then...I was thinking about her perspective. I thought it was healthy and wanted to thank her.

It's hard to meet multiple needs at once, but I had no thought of hurting you.

Hops

[guest101]

I'm sorry you felt hurt when I responded to TT's post about our limits here.
I wasn't thinking about your feelings just then...I was thinking about her perspective. I thought it was healthy and wanted to thank her.

It's hard to meet multiple needs at once, but I had no thought of hurting you.

Hopalong, I  do understand, really I do. 

I wanted to be honest about my feelings despite feeling attacked and vilified - I wanted to stay true to my voice, so thank you so much for extending such a heartfelt apology and for reassuring me -- it helps me to know that when I am honest about my feelings it is possible that someone can hear me and respond with honesty as well.

[sally]

I have not been following every post on this thread and I'm amazed it's gone to 10 pages.

I'm bothered by the way people are trying to "out" Guest.  People (I think) are accusing Guest of not being "authentic" because he/she hasn't chosen a name, like "Milly" or "Bobby" or whatever.  Is this an accurate assessment?

WHO CARES WHAT NAME GUEST USES????????  I don't.  I'm listening to Guest's words, his/her voice and he/she's been hurt.  I'm so sorry for that, Guest. 

Guest makes some great points.  I'm listening to ya Guest, I hear you, I agree with many things you say.

Again, haven't been following this thread too closely, but I believe some people are throwing Guest's words back at Guest.  Again, is this an accurate assessment?  If not, I apologize.  If I'm correct, I absolutely hate when people do that.  It's such a "GOTCHA" thing to do.  It's such a cross examination and this Board is, IMO, no place for cross exam. Let's leave cross exam for the court room, not for a board where people are trying to find their voice and heal.

OK, I just re-read pages 8-10 and there's a lot of quoting, going back to Overcomer's thread.  Yup, it's like a soap opera:  If ya don't watch for a month, ya don't miss anything, because the story never advances.  Seems like Guest is still being chastised for what Guest said on Overcomer's post.  Yup, the story advances, progresses little.

Guest, I think it's fine if you want to be anonymous.  Actually, we are all anonymous on this Board.  I think anonymity can give some people freedom to say what they really feel, can really allow some their voice.

So, I'll probably be in the dog house for this post, or just ignored.

bow wow.

[Ami]

I think that we ,on the board, have to try to act out of our "good". We ,all have ego's. We all have a "flesh'-- as the Bible calls it. This is the part of us that has the meanness,bitterness,unforgivingness and all the rest of the negative traits and tendencies.
  I think that enough of us ,on the board, need to stand up when another person is being mistreated so that the few mean voices are squelched.
  During the Holocaust ,the King of Denmark put on the gold star and all the citizens did,too.. The Nazis had to leave and no Danish Jews were taken or killed,
  I think that we need to try to make sure that the board is a safe place for everyone. There,really, are only a few"bad apples,.but they can make the most noise. This is my opinion, anyway       Love  Ami

[lighter]

I
Guest, I think it's fine if you want to be anonymous.  Actually, we are all anonymous on this Board.  I think anonymity can give some people freedom to say what they really feel, can really allow some their voice.

So, I'll probably be in the dog house for this post, or just ignored.

bow wow.

Actually, Sally..... it's the 'naughty corner'.... not the dog house: /

::patting bench::  You can come sit next to me.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



It's for anyone who doesn't agree with every poster, I guess.

I don't post regularly with anonymous posters on any board.  

I can't keep up with all the posters who are forthright.....

and helping me figure out what's going on.  

I live with enough confusion already, thanks.  

Funny thing is.... I don't want to change your mind about how you feel or post.

I certainly can't help Guest feel differently about being hypocritical /critical of the collective board members....

for something that happened to her months ago.  

I don't even know what it was so.....

I'll call it like I see it and take a rest.  

She can continue to be in stealth mode,

in a place she doesn't feel safe,

for reasons we can't be privy to,

on a thread we know nothing about  

And you can continue to post however you choose.  

Asking others to post as you do isn't really fair either,  IMO.  

And that's what Guests OP was about, except she wasn't even doing that, was she?  

No.  

She wasn't.  

Very confusing and that's all I have to say about that.

::getting up and leaving naughty corner::

[lighter]

  I think that enough of us ,on the board, need to stand up when another person is being mistreated so that the few mean voices are squelched.  I think that we need to try to make sure that the board is a safe place for everyone. There,really, are only a few"bad apples,.but they can make the most noise. Love  Ami

Ummmm...... is there gonna be a rumble?: / 

[gust101]

During the Holocaust ,the King of Denmark put on the gold star and all the citizens did,too.. The Nazis had to leave and no Danish Jews were taken or killed,

Ami, this is such a powerful description of standing silently in your truth.  I will hold that image in my mind for a long time.  Thanks for that.  And I love your description of the struggle of the flesh --  it is so true and so relevant for all of us.

I know I can succomb to my flesh and say horrible things, do horrible things but with the grace of God I choose (and will hopefully continue to choose) not to do so, and He has always sustained me in that choice -- made possible what seemed impossible so I am so thankful to Him for his never-ending support.  In my struggle, when all others have walked away, when even the strongest cannot stand and support me despite their best intentions  God has never ever failed me.; that is my testimony.

Sally, thanks so much for reaffirming my voice, but most importantly for echoing the right of all of us  to have one -- it is what we all are struggling to reclaim here, which for many of us is a symbolic representation of how we will use our voice in the world.

 

[Ami]

Dear Guest,
  I am coming to the conclusion that no matter how good our family, spouse or friends are--- we are --in reality-- alone with God. This helps to take the pressure off me to have "good" relationships when I can't(like with N's). It also helps me to put this life in to perspective.
                                                                                                           Love   Ami

[sally]

Hi Guest,

You're welcome.

I just don't understand why people are downing you.

You explained that your were hurt in the past and you are not comfortable revealing certain info and details.  So, what is the problem with that?

You don't want to reveal yourself completely because that is your way of protecting yourself.  I understand that.  You are enforcing your boundaries and part of boundary enforcement is to decide to not reveal one's self if one feels it is not safe.  In view of the way you've been treated in this thread, I wouldn't feel safe either.  I think that your treatment on this thread is akin to interacting with an N:  You are being forced to, demanded to explain yourself and to account for yourself; your "mistakes" and your words are being thrown back in your face in an attempt to nail you.  I find it hypocritical and disgusting.

thanks so much for reaffirming my voice, but most importantly for echoing the right of all of us  to have one -- it is what we all are struggling to reclaim here, which for many of us is a symbolic representation of how we will use our voice in the world.

Guest, to me you have described the essence of this board:  That each of us has a right to have a voice, our struggle to claim or reclaim our voice and using our voice in the world.

sally

[guest101]

You don't want to reveal yourself completely because that is your way of protecting yourself.  I understand that.  You are enforcing your boundaries and part of boundary enforcement is to decide to not reveal one's self if one feels it is not safe.  In view of the way you've been treated in this thread, I wouldn't feel safe either.

all I can say is Wow - you have been able to describe my feelings exactly.  that is so validating.  it's sort of like when someone else discovers that your N is not a nice guy/girl but in fact a manipulative so and so -- you feel like ahhhh, I'm NOT crazy.

[isittoolate]

where is Portia?

I miss her. ....I think

Izzy

[Certain Hope]

“Then, surprise: the laughter must be my imagination.
I sat back in my chair and tried to lock it out, but the laughter continued to flow. When I looked up, I saw very far away and high up a fat man shaking with laughter and pointing a finger at me. He seemed to think that my effort to find the right defense was the play of a silly fool. He also found amusing my effort to smile at the realization that I was a fool. He thought my seeing his laughter at his smiling at his laughing was also funny. When I finally frowned, he laughed even harder. ‘Enough,’ I said loudly, but began to laugh myself……..
……At last I stopped.
So did the fat man, although he still smiled, and I felt very close to him. I thought again of the spectacular nonsensical options that I’d been considering and decided I’d throw them out. The fat man began laughing again. I looked up startled, smiled socially at him and decided that I would instead use all three non-rational options. He laughed harder. With a flush I realised that I would have to abandon the dicelife completely, but the fat man laughed on and was joined by three, four other fat men all pointing at me and laughing joyously.
My mind was filled suddenly with the vision of thousands of fat men sitting up there in that fourth dimension watching the antics of human aspiration and purpose, and laughing. Our plans, hopes, expectations, and promises, and the realities of the future which they could also see: only a source of laughter…..”
(Copyright Luke Rhinehart 1993)

Nice to post again, thanks for the nudge.

It rather disturbed me that I understood this    ... and then I laughed!   
Mine is not to question why... 

Welcome back, Pricelessly well-timed Portia 

[lighter]

Portia.... that quote was from THE DICEMAN?  I read that when I was a young teen, lol. 

It is from that book, right?

::sticking out hand::

Nice to meet you, Portia.