intellectual vs. emotional responses

[guest101]

Thank you Laura, so much.  You've really described more in depth what I'm feeling NOW here and what I felt growing up in my home.

I feel validated and heard.  Thank you for that.


You see, if I stop posting here because of how I've been treated some people on the board will say:

See, G101 is a trouble maker -- a troll.  I told you'd it blow over though, if you just ignored the posts.  Read the cyberbully post and the warning that was put up -- it's all happened before.  It's just this person's way of getting attention.

If I continue to post some on the board will say:

See, G101 is a troublemaker -- a troll.  It will blow over though, if you just ignore her.  Read the cyberbully post and the warning I put up -- it's all happened before.  It's just this person's way of getting attention.  This poster is BAITING you -- ignore it.  Walk away.  There's nothing to see here folks.  It's what I said it was -- don't use your own judgment -- use our judgement instead.  We know better than you, newbie/newcomer.  This person is BAD so treat this person BAD -- this person deserves it.

As if getting attention is a bad thing.  But no, wait it is BAD thing, in this dysfunctional way of thinking -- it is being an EXAGGERATED VICTIM.  Oh my goodness, what a horrible, horrible set of words.

I don't feel K felt guilty about hurting you.  I have to disagree w/ that.  From my experience I think if you apologized to her and she didn't respond back with the same it would make HER LOOK BAD -- remember, it's all about image.  And it sounds like K needed to keep up some kind of sterling image of a minister with good intentions.

It seems that the bad behavior had to be constantly covered up with good behavior to keep the image up so that's why you'll hear empty apologies.

My FOO was the same.  They'd do something horrible and then cover it up.  But emotionally that's like covering up a pile of manure with chocolate syrup.  It's disgusting -- if you know what it is.

Exactly what I said to K in the end.  Her response in a very lethargic voice "I don't understand what you mean, girlie"  (was she BLIND?  was she DUMB?  was she PLAYING WITH MY MIND?)

I don't feel that she was blind or dumb.  I feel definitely she was playing w/ your mind, like a person would play a chess board. 

It was all about her, all the time -- you didn't matter to her, but only to reflect back to her her perfect image. 

In my experience, and from what I've learned since the family operated under her rules, they served the same purpose, to reflect back to her this perfect image so anyone who didn't do that had to be destroyed.  Certainly none of the family was going to risk being cast in your place as the scapegoat.  They'd probably learned a long time ago what the wrath of K felt like.


Sometimes here I feel that same cycle is being repeated  Some will say stick it out, this place is good, it will get better but meanwhile it's the person that's been scapegoated that's feeling all the hurt -- a hurting that can't really be discussed, can it w/o the same cycle of ignore, bash, label, ostracize being replicated.  More hurt.

why would a person stay and be subject to such abuse? wouldn't it be normal for a person to want to get away?

[Ami]

Dear Guest and Laura,
   My M was the "K". I came away with deep messages like "Guest's message about being the trouble maker or Janet's message of being "difficult. My message is "Who do you think you are?" IOW, I don't deserve respect, dignity ,integrity etc. It is funny, but I always had ( and still do) material  advantages. The "Who do you think you are?" applied to emotional things.
   My life with my H is the SAME emotionally as my FOO. I had material things .but NO dignity. I was not "worth" that.
 Guest, I think that you need to make sure that you do NOT leave the board as a 'trouble maker" b/c it is your opportunity to change the script-- not reinforce it. It is crucial to you (IMO) that you stay.
   For me, I am 'undoing" one script and you are undoing another.. We have the opportunity to  alter our scripts by changing the outcome in cyberspace. Then,we will gradually change it in our real life.
 I think that you are doing the right thing by continuing to post              Love to you    Ami

[guest101]

Ami, my heart sincerely goes out to you in that you're still struggling w/ this situation and I know how debilitating that can be -- how draining on your spirit it can be, both emotionally and physically.

I am trying to hold onto my integrity here, even as I continue to be shunned and labeled.

I am doing this by ignoring the threads that have been created specifically to demonize me and get other members to join the bandwagon.

But I am going to point them out though because I know why I am being labeled and I know others here have experienced this in their own lives, have felt what I felt and not being able to see the forest for the trees maybe they couldn't describe it or label it for what it is.

what it is manipulative and insidious.

because I point that out and call attention to that toxic behavior, I'll always be a "trouble maker" to those who want me to just go away.

because they just want me to "play nice" or "go away" -- I could never be an authentic person here w/ integrity,

I'd have to play a role of another happy go lucky person who can post recipes and little jokes.

so it doesn't matter what I say or what I do as Guest101 to be included here I would have to stop being Guest101 and become some one else.

I am no longer in the business of betraying my self to please other people.

[lighter]

because I point that out and call attention to that toxic behavior, I'll always be a "trouble maker" to those who want me to just go away.

because they just want me to "play nice" or "go away" -- I could never be an authentic person here w/ integrity,

I'd have to play a role of another happy go lucky person who can post recipes and little jokes.

so it doesn't matter what I say or what I do as Guest101 to be included here I would have to stop being Guest101 and become some one else.

I am no longer in the business of betraying my self to please other people.

Dear Guest:

What you pointed out, in your OP,  was your own behavior.

Asking the board to pretend you were doing us all a favor..... was an ill disguised attempt to gaslight the board, as I see it: )

I'm not mad at you....

you don't upset me....

I resent the fact that you're upsetting yourself....

and other members. 

I admit that. 

Some here agree with you.  That's their right.   

.::shrug::

Like I said, it's not my intention (read that as job) to convince the board to see it my way or tell them how to post.

I asked you to work your old issues out, honestly, on the board.

You declined. 

IMO, of course.

That's ok, too. 

Your accusing the board of denying you a fair say. 

I don't see it that way.... I see you denying yourself that opportunity and accusing of it.

  ::shrug::.

Let me know how that works out for'ya.

[guest101]

I just received this phenomenal affirmation and wanted to share it with the rest of the board:

God Supports Me

God created me to be fulfilled.

I Trust God and He is There at Every Turn.

I am Safe.

Isn't that profound!

God is truly a glorious God.

[lighter]

I just received this phenomenal affirmation and wanted to share it with the rest of the board:

God Supports Me

God created me to be fulfilled.

I Trust God and He is There at Every Turn.

I am Safe.

Isn't that profound!

God is truly a glorious God.

That was a nice departure from kickin rocks and eatin balogna samiches, Guest, lol; )


I haven't seen anyone here call you a demon.... not anything close: /

The worst thing I've seen people do....

is speak their truth.

[guest101]

Lighter,

I don't know how to say this but plainly:

Will you please leave me in peace.

You are not helping me.

You are only being hurtful and mean. 

Please leave me alone.

Allow me to work out my own issues without baiting me, please.

I am trying to appeal to the kindness and empathy that I see you extend to other members.


Please, leave me in peace.

[lighter]

Lighter,

I don't know how to say this but plainly:

Will you please leave me in peace.

You are not helping me.

You are only being hurtful and mean. 

Please leave me alone.

Allow me to work out my own issues without baiting me, please.

I am trying to appeal to the kindness and empathy that I see you extend to other members.


Please, leave me in peace.

Since you're speaking plainly to me..... I'll speak plainly to you: )

Please do not mistake (my) honesty,

for cruelty. 

It didn't work too well for my N, either and he always said.... 'you're being cruel' when I spoke my truth. 

Always.

If I post empathy and kindness to anyone here.... it's based on my perception of reality.
 
If you wish to be treated differently,

just say so.  ::shrug::

I can wrap my mind around an honest request to 'gaslight' the board, unhindered.

At least the new posters won't be left in confusion about your intentions.....

 and I won't feel obligated to post honestly in your direction: )

Peace to you, Guest....

As always.

 

[Ami]

God forgive for jumping in when maybe I should not(or maybe I should)but I think that you are being intentionally cruel here where you don't have or need to be.  Lighter                                             Ami

[lighter]

God forgive for jumping in when maybe I should not(or maybe I should)but I think that you are being intentionally cruel here where you don't have or need to be.  Lighter                                             Ami

You have every right to say.... 'that's mean, stop it' Ami. 

I respect that.

Just expect honesty in return.....

so.... 

I think you're being naive and gullable .....

helping Guest feel entitled to gaslight the board and sidestep honest requests for clarification.

Are you being intentionally enabling, where you don't have or need to be?

[Ami]

dear Lighter,
   I see a hurting person trying to make a connection-- in the best way that she knows how. I see someone on the school yard who desperately wants to join the group of kids playing.
  I see someone who needs help rather than someone trying to get one over on anyone.
                                                                                                 Love  Ami

[harris]

Lighter,

I don't know how to say this but plainly:

Will you please leave me in peace.

You are not helping me.

You are only being hurtful and mean. 

Please leave me alone.

Allow me to work out my own issues without baiting me, please.

I am trying to appeal to the kindness and empathy that I see you extend to other members.


Please, leave me in peace.

Since you're speaking plainly to me..... I'll speak plainly to you: )

Please do not mistake (my) honesty,

for cruelty. 

It didn't work too well for my N, either and he always said.... 'you're being cruel' when I spoke my truth. 

Always.

If I post empathy and kindness to anyone here.... it's based on my perception of reality.
 
If you wish to be treated differently,

just say so.  ::shrug::

I can wrap my mind around an honest request to 'gaslight' the board, unhindered.

At least the new posters won't be left in confusion about your intentions.....

 and I won't feel obligated to post honestly in your direction: )

Peace to you, Guest....

As always.

 

I think your N was right.  You are cruel.  And sarcastic.  Cruelty, saying mean things and sarcasm are characteristics of an N.

You justify your cruelty, sarcasm and meaness by saying you are protecting the board.  Don't worry about the board.  The board was here before you came and it will be here after you leave. People have their own minds and can evaluate  your words and actions for themselves.  Instead of worrying about the board, concentrate on your own words and actions. 

Guest asked you to leave her alone.  You just can't leave Guest alone, you keep coming back to bait and bully.

Your position is understood:  You think you are right.  Fine.  But, if a poster asks you to leave them alone, have to grace and dignity to do so.

[lighter]

dear Lighter,
   I see a hurting person trying to make a connection-- in the best way that she knows how. I see someone on the school yard who desperately wants to join the group of kids playing.
  I see someone who needs help rather than someone trying to get one over on anyone.
                                                                                                 Love  Ami

 

I disagree with your post, Ami.

You aren't suggesting I'd push a hurting child around on the board......

 for a kick, are ya?

Just asking for clarification: )

[lighter]

Harris Writes:  Cruelty, saying mean things and sarcasm are characteristics of an N.

You justify your cruelty, sarcasm and meaness by saying you are protecting the board.  Don't worry about the board.  The board was here before you came and it will be here after you leave. People have their own minds and can evaluate  your words and actions for themselves.  Instead of worrying about the board, concentrate on your own words and actions. 

Guest asked you to leave her alone.  You just can't leave Guest alone, you keep coming back to bait and bully.

Your position is understood:  You think you are right.  Fine.  But, if a poster asks you to leave them alone, have to grace and dignity to do so.

Ummmm..... 

1)Guest has the same obligation to concentrate on her words and actions, same as me?

2)Why is pointing out irony interpreted as sarcasm and cruelty, lol? 

Doesn't seem fair, lol. 

And.....

::trying on SUPER N costume::

SUPER N must have a really muscular butt and a teeny tiny waste.

Darnit, lol.

::taking costume off::

Hows that board monitor costume fittin ya, Gues....rrrrrr..... Harris?   

Just because I get the last word...... doesn't mean I'm not going to leave her alone; )

[reallyME]

Did the Kindercare and Nursery School classes get out early this week or something?  Come on people...just let everyone do their thing.  Im not saying don't comment, cause we all should be able to...but, let's comment on behaviors a bit more than on people, I think.

~Laura