Dear friend members of this board, it is such a blessing to have you here, it was very helpful.
Yes, I feel better today. Not sad, more indifferent. Why? I do not know.
Why I was so sad when A pat P in the back?
I was 5 years old, and my father put me in the bicycle, and push me. I fell. He did it again, and again. Not consoling me for my knees bleeding. I finally learned. But the fear going to the unknown in the bicycle, those few seconds, with my knees bleeding, still again falling again, those second of terror. five years old. When my little brother needed to learn, they hired a person to come to the house everyday to carefully hold him every afternoon, for two hours, until he learned. He was never pushed. He never fell. When he got hurt, he was consoled. My mother hated me.
Not to mention how I learned to swim. Lots of swallowing and asphyxiation. Not for my brother and my sister. I was the chosen.
They hit me with belt. Every day. Not to my bother and my sister.
My mother told me horrible things in secret. Nobody heard it. When I complained, she said it was not true. nobody believed me. Until today. Mo brother things my mother loves him more because he is a good son, and I am a bad daughter. My brother is totally blind to the abuse of my mother. My sister is "retarded", she is 45 and she does not work, my mother works three jobs to support my sister. My sister is a civil engineer. She does not want to work. She has not worked in ten years. I was nine years old and she showed me the pubic hear of my father's lover. Why would she show me? She found those hairs in one of our blankets, at home. Then she asked him to bit me with belt. That does not make any sense. Many, many things happened in my house. I had a new car, my first new car of my life, 45 years old, a cart from the supermarket, abandoned in the parking lot came towards my car and hit it. My mother laught. I cried.
I was wondering if that is the reason why, I hate to be treated differently. I hate those secrets and games. Controlling, power games, I know I have to put up with it in a job to make a living, but not for a group that it is supposed to be of pleasure.
I want to find healthy people. Mature people. I do not know how I am going to get rid of O and P. O is a professor at the university. P is a social worker. They are educated people. I cannot tell them I really dislike them. I canto tell them they make me vomit. O's mother is also a manipulator. She calls me three times a day and ask me where are you? Yesterday for the first time I said, why?
My plan, I will not answer my phone. I will call back everybody in the evening late and tell them sorry I missed them.
A is very rich. A has many properties. condos, buildings. I am the only poor person in the group. So, I have to be very careful.
Your phrases, your tools, your help will be very much appreciated.
I need to get away from these people without them to know that I hate them.
Your sentences, are very helpful. Sentences don't come to my mouth at the necessary time.
Thank you all who took the time to write me, your opinions are very important.
Love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
