Hops,
I'm very aware that so many people on this board are in bad realationships, so I don't want to come across as smug when I talk about my husband. I lived for 6 years (off and on - he kept going back to this mother) with a violent N first. When I got shot of him, I was *determined* that I'd NEVER have a relationship with a man again, as I just thought I couldn't pick a good 'un! (The fact that my NMum and NSister had picked the violent one is another story).
Anyway, after living on my own for a couple of years, I really felt I wanted to share my life with someone (other than my 2 cats, that is), but I was so wary. I saw this advert in the local paper on the 'Lonely hearts' page, as I was peeling the potatoes onto it! I wasn't that determined to find someone, you see

Anyway, I got the courage to respond to his ad, because it sounded so 'normal' - none of this 'sporty/active' type stuff or 'no obligation relationship' kind of code-words in the ad for something I didn't want at all...I just wanted a normal person!
When he got my letter, he rang me up, and we talked for about an hour. He had a very soft, gentle voice which put me at my ease immediately. One of the first things he told me was 'I've just got divorced, and I've got two lovely children, and I love them a lot'. I thought that was so sweet! It transpired that he was a teacher at the school that I used to attend, and that helped, because I could 'test' him on a few facts, to see if he knew about the building, the staff, etc. Just basic stuff, but it made me feel safer. We agreed to go out to the pub on the Saturday night. I remember telling my Nsister that I was going to meet him, and she was immediately negative (she hates teachers, as she's thick).
When he called at my flat, I hid in the room that looks out onto the porch from the side, so that I could sneak a look at him before opening the door. We went to the pub, and got there early (about 7pm). We started talking, and the next thing we realised, was that the place was completetly filled up, and we han't noticed at all. A few months later, we both admitted that it had taken about half an hour before each of us separately thought 'I want to marry this person'.
How can that happen so FAST? When we BOTH were going to be sooo careful?
I've never regretted it. He's my best friend. I love him to bits. He's done so much to help me heal from the N's in my life.
Sorry if this is sloppy.

Janet
PS After I'd known him about 18 months, and we were preparing for our wedding, my NMum caught us snogging at her house, and said 'You should have calmed down by now!' Hmmm. Just before our wedding? We still say we should have calmed down by now, each time we snog!