Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
A letter to my mother on the anniversary of dad's death.
Wildflower:
--- Quote ---Hey, how about this for a T-Shirt "Say NO to mental illness!"
--- End quote ---
:lol: :lol: :lol:
Okay, PLEASE. You must make that shirt. How much do you want for it?
Wildflower
Anonymous:
What a good idea :idea: I might just trot (HEE-HAW) off to the little printers and get an iron on stencil made :D
(((HIGS & Double HIGS)))
CG
Anonymous:
PS,
Just be my luck that the little dame at my printers will get the wording wrong as usual, if I order it over the phone. She doesn't speak english very well, and reads it even worse. If I don't write it out clearly for her, I'll probably end up with a T-shirt that reads,
"Say 'NO" to Mental Health!"
hahahahahahahahahahaha
hey, I like it!!!
CG
rosencrantz:
Hi Portia - Why I'm talking to the services? Cos they're the only ones who are likely to have any kind of description/label for what's going on with my mother. The context for this is only just fully realising that my mother has ALWAYS had mental health issues. I thought it still all had to be secret. I suspect that it's the 'symptoms' that have been 'dealt' with on occasion eg 'depression' (not seen as simply a tantrum of mega proportions at not getting her own way!). Anyway, that's why. And I need to do it soon before she comes off their lists and it'll all be too late. I can see myself setting that up for myself!!! Remember : my mother wants me for a zombie!!!! :shock:
BTW Love's Executioner arrived - very readable - opened it right at a page about an old woman who had just lost her husband!!!!! Can you remember why you recommended/mentioned it???
Hi CG - I was looking up BPD to see if it could help me understand my mother better - BIG abandonment panic issues. I don't really think I'm BPD but there were a couple of descriptions which sounded eerily familiar!!!!! Can't find the page now...Clearly not important enough :wink:
Hi WF - What is it about YOU that she needs and can’t get from anyone else? Woo-hoo! The answer came in a woosh - she needs me to collar me, and shake me, and give me a good metaphorical beating, to take all her rage out on me - so she doesn't have to take responsibility for what she's chosen to do with her life. I'm this great big HUGE comforting momma that can take all the rage and look after it for her. And, of course, provide her with all the good things she thinks she's put into me that I've stolen from her like her confidence. You know she even sounded 'amazed' that I'd got a husband and son, like I'd even stolen THOSE off her, too!!! (Scuse me, but they're mine! I worked for them and this is one lot of MY things you're NOT having)
Well it's amazingly late again and I've been on this PC practically the whole day. I'm coming back up for air after an incredibly fragile month. Just bought a second hand laptop so I can go on holiday and pack you all up and take you with me! Now that IS scary!!!!!!! :wink:
R
rosencrantz:
I don't know how I alighted on this thread - but it was the first one I saw with my name attached.
Since then, I've been through cancer twice.
The first cancer was a wonderful journey, the second came after some terrible (mental, emotional) knock backs (you may remember gaslighting et al on this board when I came back in a tizz). Never quite managed to recover and the second very aggressive cancer followed. After a year of treatment, surgery followed. In a weird way, surgery not only got rid of the cancer, but scraped out all the depression and angst as well! Yay - life reborn! Only a couple of months out of that wood, only to discover there was another one festering away in the background.
So I'm revisiting past friends and acquaintances to say thank you, expressing gratitude to those of you who responded to my posts - I know many have moved on but there are still some who will remember me and I see names here that I remember. It seems I will be bowing out in a few months.
I always said I had asthma symptoms because the way people treated me 'took my breath away'. It seems that thread in my story is the one which is killing me. I think I'm all out of fight and resources for this one.
Thank you so much Dr Grossman for having made this board available and making the learning and sharing possible. It made such a difference to my life. You know that because I've shared my thoughts with you in the past. Even the horrendous bits were fabulous, etched in my mind. Double rainbows. Sliding down a helter skelter ride so fast I couldn't stop. Working through shame invisibly - I'd never have been able to do that face to face with anyone - and it made it possible to come out and be counted as 'me'.
My son is 18 now and has been through some extremely challenging times but I do believe the light at the end of the tunnel is widening. He's lovely. Made my life worthwhile because it brought him into the world. And made it worthwhile having him because he made my life bearable - he is the source of the few bright moments in my life. Sad thing is - there's nobody else I will 'miss', that I am sad to leave. I've already had to leave so many people behind or been left behind. I know I've had a positive impact on some people so I can feel I have left some kind of legacy. But I also know that there has never been anybody for me, that I can turn to or rely on. I've never managed that trick. So I guess I'm off out of it. I hope I don't have to come back to earth to live an earthly life again because it sure sucks! ;-) Dark humour will get me through!! ;-)
Not true there is nobody I miss. I miss CG especially. Always have. But she is already gone. We were in touch for a while but then something happened and I never heard from her again. The chaos of my own life may not have helped but I shall never know.
Bye for now. May see you on the other side!! ;-)
PS All those problems with my mother? She had Aspergers Syndrome. No empathy! People with an ASD can have empathy - or strive to - so don't write them all off! And see if you can educate the ones who don't. ;-)
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