Competition for the craziest N Statements

[Overcomer]

My ex left me for another woman and told me he was not attracted to me at all.  He then told me he had had affairs with 25 other women, an affair with a man, masturbated in front of his mistress' 2 year old daughter and got on a sex abuse registry.  When I told my mom I was filing for divorce she told me I could not divorce him because we hate the sin but love the sinner-translation-what would people think if my daughter got a divorce?

[Pattibear]

This is probably not going to win any prize but one that really grinds me is: "What are you getting so anal about? I didn't know there was a problem."

[debkor]

Just read this

1st Driver.  New expensive car driving enjoying his new car.

2nd driver coming out of cross road slams into driver 1 on passenger side door.

Driver 2 who hits driver 1  car gets out screaming  WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU DIDN'T YOU SEE ME RUNNING THAT STOP SIGN??
Get back in to get his license and takes off.


Call X, hon gotta go to the hospital my contractions are very close.  On golf course, Ok you think you can wait an hour or two almost done.

Dying in pain in labor. X tells me my hair looks really nice and blonde under the lights in the hospital that he did a good job on it as he is flipping his fingers through it to see if he got all the roots.  (helped me hi light it).

Valentines Day  X comes in all excited with a brown paper bag  HAPPY VALENTINES DAY! and gives me a box of Girl Scout Cookies.

Deb

[debkor]

Oh wait I have another one.


I was thinking that we should get some really nice new rims and tires for the car instead of an engagement ring.


You know I really should have went for the rims and tires since in the end I kept THE CAR and Tossed the ring.

Deb

[changing]

From Father " I buried one child, and I can bury another!" (Both children still living)

From Mother " How can I explain to the neighbors that I have a daughter?"

From Brother to disabled sister " Is that the fastest you can walk?"

From Husband " Can I just stay here and sign something giving you credit for my rrom and board in the divorce settlement?" And after he left-"You haven't paid my credit card bills!!???!!"

[JanetLG]

When the relationship with my NMum was almost at NC point, she wanted me to choose between my husband and her. She said 'I just hope that I die before he does. I just wouldn't know how to console you.'

Console?? Her??

Once, I was due to have a plasterer in the house for a few days, while I was on leave but my NBoyfriend was at work. When I said I was wary of being in the house with a stranger, and would he take leave, he said 'But who'd want to rape you?'

***

The comments posted so far make my jaw drop. Such callousness! So N!

Janet

[axa]

Having put drugs in my bag so I carried them through customes unwittingly
"well I knew they would never stop you, you don't look the type to smuggle drugs" If I had been caught I would never have worked again because of my line of work.

"You love her (his D14) more than you love me"

"She is 16 now (D) she is to old for me" - read I cannot control her as I used to.

"I do not want to be around people who get drunk and dance on tables in bars" = meaning my friends.  Wish they had asked me to that party, my friends would have nothing to do with him.

" My D and her mother have a normal mother daughter relationship" - Mother abandoned D aged 8 and returned ten years later as if nothing had happened!!!!

"As long as you and D are happy I will be happy but I do not want neighbours calling to this house nor do I want to know what you want"

"Xwife is easy to keep she does not eat very much and never goes out"

I could go on and on but my favourite has to be

"I will never leave you, but I will ride you into the ground like a beach donkey and you know I have never been so close to anyone as I am to you.  I love you, you are my girl"

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THANK GOD I AM NOT ON N'S PLANET ANY LONGER.

Oh, nearly forgot this one
"It is not me doing the bad things, it is an evil spirit who has possessed me because you know I would not hurt you.

axa

[JanetLG]

When I was trying to get my NMUm to see that I had just a smidgin of kindness in me, despite her repeating over and over that I was wicked, she said 'You've never done anything for anybody, ever'

'Well,' I said,' what about when Ann (my friend who had multiple sclerosis) fell over in her house, and phoned me to help her, so I drove there, broke in through her patio doors to get to her, then got her an ambulance?'

'Oh,' she said, 'That doesn't count.'


Janet

[Hopalong]

Beach donkey
Doesn't count
all-a these

I believe we could've carried 9/11 victims down 40 flights of stairs on our shoulders and an N such as these would've said,

and let me tell you about the time I-I-I-I saved a turtle that was crossing the road.

Hops

[Certain Hope]

I believe we could've carried 9/11 victims down 40 flights of stairs on our shoulders and an N such as these would've said,

and let me tell you about the time I-I-I-I saved a turtle that was crossing the road.

Hops

LOL !  Indeed!!     

Thanks, Hops... I needed that!

Love,
Hope

[changing]

AXA!!!

BEACH DONKEY!!!! WHAT A RIOT!!!! FIRST BELLY LAUGH OF THE DAY!!!


Hugs,

Changing

[Catherine]

My N-mom and her list of ridiculous/obnoxious statements to me:

After I had a miscarriage (a little girl):  "So? What's the big deal? I had two [m/c] you know"  and "You don't want a daughter. They are nothing but trouble. I should know."  WTF kind of thing is that to say you your own daughter????!!!!

After the birth of my son & I (foolishly) confess to my mom that I had prayed for God to return the daughter I had lost the year before:  "What? You don't want him? I'll take him.  I'm calling social services and telling them you don't want your baby. What kind of a mother are you? You don't deserve children."

[Catherine]

"It's GOD and then your MOTHER".....then she got a surprised look on her face when I asked where my husband fit in

[JanetLG]

Catherine,

Your mother is appalling to say that to you. I'm so sorry.

They're on another planet, aren't they?

Janet

[spyralle]

OK let me think....

Me:  But I've tried so hard to make you proud...  Look I trained to be a psychiatric nurse...

Nmum:  Psychiatric nurses are the lowest of the low...

Me:  Why do you say that...

Nmum:  Everybody knows that if they have read a catherine cookson book..  And besides schizophrenia is associated with demons...  It's clear you would be happy close to that.

And another time (I have soooo many)....

N mum:  Are you going out dressed like that

Me (wearing shorts and a T shirt):  yes why it's blazing hot

Nmum:  Because you look flat chested.  go and put a wonderbra on immediately

Me:  I am flat chested and quite happy abpout it

Nmum:  Yes but I am not and I WILL NOT have people thinking I have a flat chested daughter..

God forgive me for being a flat chested psych nurse....

Spy x