What Ns Have done with present from you

[Overcomer]

I mentioned my mom returning a robe and giving the perfume I gave her to my children as a toy.  So Am suggested I start a thread that talks about how Ns reject our gifts.

[JanetLG]

When I was in my teens, I made an embroidered picture for my NMum. She put it on the wall in her bedroon, visible from the hallway when the door was open. When she was annoyed with me (often) off the wall it would come, and under the bed. When she decided things were OK, back on the wall it went.

Like a bloody yo-yo.


Janet

[Sela]

Gee Janet!  Incredible eh?

Reminds me:

I spent over 6 months hand stitching a doll, head to toe, for one of my abusers.  I sewed the hair on bit by bit, painted the face and put details....eye lashes, eye brows, earings, etc and made the clothing from an article of the  person's favorite clothing, which had become too small.  I even made painted fingernails, which looked so real and really cool high heal shoes! Embroidered the name, date, etc, (I took the doll to work before giving it away and the girls at work oooo'd and awwwww'd and said it was gorgeous and such a lovely, rare and personal gift).  The person I gave it to, gave it to Goodwill.

Also, I made a baby quilt (from bright flannel) all hand stitched with much care.  It took me months and months.  The next time I visited, I saw it on the floor and expressed my surprise and was told "It's a great place for the dog to sleep.  He really loves it!"

Sela

[WRITE]

all my presents to ex I thought were really thoughtful or something he needed he puts on one side & eventually throws away.

I've noticed he sometimes keeps cards from me these days. There's one on the shelf right now. At one time he never even opened them!

Gifts are a minefield though.
My therapist told me that my gift-giving might sometimes be overwhelming, well she hinted at that and I took the hint!

Like a bloody yo-yo.

 

Good gift for someone with a personality disorder, a yo-yo!

[Certain Hope]

Janet, that is so odd... like she was trying to erase you from her mind during those times. How did you process that as a teen?
Did it cause you to not want to ever give your mom anything again?

Hmm... I made an embroidered picture for my parents when they were living overseas. An anniversary gift to them.. something I thought they'd value, since I'd made it. I never saw it again. My mother told me later that my Dad had given it away.

Thanks for this thread, Kelly. I can only remember a few things...

My mother's sister was infamous for keeping gifts in their original boxes for years and years... I can't think of a single gift she ever received with genuine appreciation. She's the one who held a grudge for years that her parents had named her simply "Betty" instead of something more grand, like "Elizabeth".
And back when charm bracelets were in fashion, my mother knew that I wanted to give her some charms as gifts... (did she know that or suggest the idea? I dunno) Anyhow, she made it clear that they had to be minimum 14k gold if they were to take up residence on her bracelet.
I must say that she was alot more gracious when my own children began giving her little gifts of costume jewelry... and actually has worn some of the earrings and pins with which they've gifted her.

NPD-ex never showed appreciation for anything really... he generally mistreated all of his possessions and, before long, had turned them each into just another piece of junk. I always knew it wasn't enough... and it wasn't right.

I think I'm forgetting alot of details... and maybe that's a good thing!

Love,
Hope

[debkor]

The ones I gave they always kept but I never knew if they liked them.  They had to because it's what they asked for.
I know of one that was a CD that was played over and over and over but I think it got lost when friend moved.

Funny but out of everything she lost, big things, jewelery, even a car she had still been pissed off the most about that CD being lost.  Weird.


Deb

[Overcomer]

My ex actually threw temper tantrums like a child.  When we had split up and were heading for divorce court, I have him one of those booklets that tell you what was happening in 1960 when he was born.  I thought I was nice to remember him at all but he threw it and said, "I cannot believe you gave me one of these stupid books!" 

[Certain Hope]

My ex actually threw temper tantrums like a child.  When we had split up and were heading for divorce court, I have him one of those booklets that tell you what was happening in 1960 when he was born.  I thought I was nice to remember him at all but he threw it and said, "I cannot believe you gave me one of these stupid books!" 

Dear Kelly,

That's only cuz his baby photo wasn't on the cover announcing his birth as THE premier event of 1960      

[finding peace]

I always dreaded buying presents for my F.  They always had to be expensive, top of the line items.  One year I though this time I’ll get it right.  So I bought a goody basket of all his favorite foods, candies, and alcohol.  This thing was packed, filet mignon, lobster tails, expensive cheeses, gourmet crackers and breads, high-end scotch, all his favorite candies……. I gave it to him anticipating a nice thank you……I got a nice big…….

I am on a diet.

So I responded, "oh no, I will take it with me so you won't be tempted and get you something else."  He was quick to exclaim that that wouldn't be necessary mom could eat it. 

[motheroffour]

This just happened to me! Bought my MIL Martha Stewart flowers. We had missed her birthday and I really wanted to do something nice so I ordered two dozen  and two silver julip cups.  To make the day "twice" as special.  She undermined the whole thing.  Told me she couldn't possible cut that many roses and that it felt like a wrong colored shirt that she couldn't take back to the store.  But then that she really liked it.

Talk about letting the air out of my balloon.....

--mof4

[Certain Hope]

I always dreaded buying presents for my F.  They always had to be expensive, top of the line items.  One year I though this time I’ll get it right.  So I bought a goody basket of all his favorite foods, candies, and alcohol.  This thing was packed, filet mignon, lobster tails, expensive cheeses, gourmet crackers and breads, high-end scotch, all his favorite candies……. I gave it to him anticipating a nice thank you……I got a nice big…….

I am on a diet.

So I responded, "oh no, I will take it with me so you won't be tempted and get you something else."  He was quick to exclaim that that wouldn't be necessary mom could eat it. 

Oh, Finding Peace... that is just so N!

My brother would have said the same, except that the dog could eat it (if he had a dog  )

NPD-ex would have complained about the color of the basket, claimed to be dieting,  wolfed down every last bite, then blamed me for his over-weight.

My mother would have claimed the diet, put the loaded basket on display with all her other evidences of how exceptional and privileged she is, and then had the basket along with its contents appraised to be added to her insurance policy.

I only do gift certificates now.

Love,
Hope

[Overcomer]

Oh I am reminded of my ex MIL-I got them a nice basket of cheese and crackers, etc.  She never said thank you only "do not get us food again."

[Catherine]

My N-mom was going to Europe - every year she does this for 2 months.   I gave her a travel gift certifiicate for $1500 (enough for 2 tickets - her + companion) for Christmas.  I received.....nothing. Not even a card.

I got a phone call from her in her phoney N voice " oh thank you for the wonderful certificate...i don't deserve this"....then 3 wks later she came to my house and returned it and told me that she was returning it b/c she could get a ticket for $100 cheaper with a different travel agent.  I said, "keep it. its good for 2 years"

She left it on my table and went home.

That was the last present i ever gave her.

[JanetLG]

Seal,

That's a shame about the doll you made. I bet it was beautiful. I hope somebody appreciated it *eventually*.

Write,

I love that - a yoy-yo being a good gift for someone with a personality disorder! I'd never thought of that!!

Hope, My NMUM *might* have beentrying to erase me from her mind by hiding my gift, but you try explaining that t a 14-year old! Of coures, I reacted in the usual N- victim way.... I tried HARDER (unfortuntaley).

Peace,

"I am on a diet" Isn't that typical?!

Catherine,

I think your ungrateful NMum takes the biscuit on this thread!

***

I've thought of another one: My Nmum was NEVER satisfied with what the family got her, but it always had to be expensive. One year, she decided that if we all clubbed together, instead of getting her lots of 'little' things, we could get her one HUGE thing between us! Great, we thought, we only have to think of one thing, too (she was difficult to buy for  - HA! THAT WORD! Being applied to HER!). She suggested what to get (Unsurprisingly). So, we got her a large, expensive painting.

Guess what she said when we presented her with it?

"Is that all? Just the one present?"


Janet

[spyralle]

This wasn't strictly a present as such but once I spent ages cooking a chilli for my Nmum when she came to stay...  I was so proud because she never let me cook always believing her own cooking was much better than anyone elses.  She took about three forkfulls.. put her fork down and said..

Well the food's not so good here is it.....

Aren't they lovely.

Spy x