My child has special needs

[kaylebsmommy702]

Ok so I posted before about the custody battle with his N father. I just got my Son evaluated and he was diagnosed with ADHD combined type / Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD). For the past week Ive had my nose in books on this subject, but I was just curious if anyone knew if this could help me in court to get full custody. I know his father wont educate himself on this issue (we all know he wont), and he has already asked me if there is any medication we can put him on. My son is 5. I absolutely refuse to put him on any medication at this age. (Or at any age, unless I have no other choice.) As many of you know, I have petitioned to relocate to another state to live with my parents. When my 7 y/o brother was recognized as being Autistic, my mom was mentored by a wonderful woman, who has also agreed to mentor me once I move back home. (I will be armed with a letter from her for court)! I am ready and willing to do whatever it takes to see my son succeed in life despite this "disability". But it is going to be difficult having to "share" custody, because his father wont even sign a "consent to treat" form, without knowing what it is for and speaking to the doctor. He doesn't want to pay for any of these costly treatments but wants to look like he is "involved". He even asked me who a certain doctor was and "especially if she is a psychologist" he wants to be there. To me that just sounds like he wants to be sure he can somehow manipulate the session, or make sure nothing is said about him. If I only would have known then what I do now about his N ways.... We've already been to the custody evaluator, and she was just so PRO him, but thank God the judge wasn't ; But instead of letting my lawyer do all of the talking this time I think I am going to SPEAK UP!!!! I had a point and question to all this but I guess it ended up just being a vent session. I think I was just curious if there is a law of any sort saying because of this newly diagnosed "disability", the judge will for sure rule for me. It is defiantly in my sons best interest, i guess I just want to be reassured.

[lighter]

I think you need to appear very reasonable and calm, as a priority.

If you do wish to speak up, ask permission first, politely. 

Don't sneer your face up when your husband is lying and trying to sink your son's boat.  Steady does it.

We don't have joint custody in this State unless both parties agree to it. 

If he's fighting you, you can fight back. 

It just costs money and time.

Not that you'll win but, your Judge seems to be on to your N so..... this is the best time to make your stand.

My niece was dx'd with same as your son.  She's now on meds that help in a huge way. They didn't want to medicate her either but, now mom admits that it's helped so much, it's worth it.  They tried another med first and didn't like it.  Do you want the names?

I think cutting out all junk, sodas and tv is a good start, not that you have those in your house..... just generally.  Computer too.  A good Schedule and there are therapists who can put programs in place that help your child get back on track with regard to focus and school.  He'll learn tricks and ways to recognize when he's not focusing.   

Do you have to agree to shared custody in your State or is he just pushing for it?

Calm, calm calm.  Remain stoic and steady.  Let him be the angry unstable parent.  ::crossing fingers::

I sure hope you end up back home with family that can help.... and that nice mentoring lady: )  Good luck.

[Certain Hope]

Hi, Kalebsmommy

You've gotten some excellent advice here, I think...
I just wanted to wish you the very best as you pursue custody of your son.

With love,
Hope

[Hopalong]

CB...

words fail.

Brilliant, comprehensive, seasoned, practical, HELPFUL.

I'm not sure this is delightful news, but I want to come up with a problem you can solve! 

Hops

[lighter]

Ummmm.... what CB said, lol. 

[kaylebsmommy702]

CB-
I live in California and my mentor is in Nevada (where my parents are). I will look into medication as part of his treatment, but not until I can get his IEP done and we have an actual "treatment plan" in place. As of right now, he is out of school for the summer, so the IEP wont happen until school starts. As far as speaking up in court, I WILL NOT speak of my x in any way. I just want the judge to hear from my mouth what I have done to get my son help, and what I intend to do if and when I move to Nevada (I will have a great mentor and my son will be in social skills groups with my brother). The judge himself had asked me to get an IEP done, and said if you get that done I will let you go (then said well I guess I cant say that yet). I worked feverishly to get that IEP. But ended up with a letter from the school stating that it could not be done until school starts. I think what the judge is actually looking for (and my lawyer thinks the same) is a diagnosis. An "IEP" mainly has 4 steps- they check vision and hearing, and they evaluate him before the actual "Individualized Education Plan" is made and reviewed. Once I got that letter from the school, I took it upon myself to get his eyes & ears checked, and I paid for him to be evaluated and diagnosed. Our state is so over crowded, that there was a waiting list (at least 3 months) everywhere I could have got him assessed under our insurance. So I figured the sooner I could educate myself on what was wrong, the sooner I could help my son. So I went ahead and paid for it.  As far as court is concerned there will be no more testimony, the judge said he will rule on this next court date. After "the evaluation" last time, he totally went against what the evaluator reccomended (full evaluation), and wanted to rule, but I think he didn't want a chance for any appeal. So he asked me to get him the IEP, and take him to a neurologist, and get him into counseling (which is a waiting list thing- and he wont be assigned to a therapist until well after court)... Everything is done. I am currently reading about 5 books on ADHD & ODD, so in 3 weeks I will be a fountain of information for court. I cant wait!

[kaylebsmommy702]

lighter-

The x N is trying to get full custody. There was never any "custody agreement" before, which is why we have "joint custody" until court is done. I want to move to Nevada which is why I think it is best if I have full legal custody. I dont mind him having joint physical custody because he will have visitation.

[lighter]

Sounds like you've done your homework.  Now work on remaining calm and reasonable, at least on the ouside.

Face muscles relaxed.  No ill will towards XN.

Perfectly reasonable with a perfectly reasonable expectation for IEP plan and follow through. 

Your attorney can still explain this to the Judge, just in case you can't remain calm. 

You have to provide a list with bullet points that he can go down.  Have a copy in front of you in case you need to clarify something for the Judge. 

Have copies for opposing counsel and the Judge handy too. 

You sound like you're really prepared and I'm crossing my fingers for you and your son: )