Hi Bella,
No, I do not need people to agree with me always and the support does not always have to be what I want to hear. As a matter of fact most of my growth and genuine healing has come in the form of someone telling me something that I do not want to hear. I take criticism well, when it is truthful and fits. You know that saying "the truth hurts." Yes it does...I have had to hear the truth about me many times.
I'm in 12 step recovery, have been since I was 17, I'm 39 now. In AA, we, or some of us, practice rigorous honesty and that means looking at ourselves, fearlessly and trying to see what is wrong with us, not others. I have done many fourth steps and fifth steps over the years. I have confessed my faults with others repeatedly and worked on myself, hard, otherwise I do not stay sober. I learned many years ago that hanging on to resentment, fear and guilt are the emotions that cause alcoholics, of my type, to drink again.
When I started having problems with this roommate the first thing I did was question myself and look to see where I was being selfish and inconsiderate to her, if I was. I have lived with people for so long that my thinking is "other oriented" and this particular roomer is selfish oriented.
So when your comments came in here they did not ring right or true for me. I expressed my disagreement but I in no way tried to quiet you or make you feel wrong for expressing yourself against me...no I said thank you but my FEELINGS are telling me otherwise.
Please ask others here, many times people will tell me stuff that is adverse to what I am seeking and I will take it and look at it and see if what they are saying has truth to it.
After many years of hearing the painful truth I know what it feels like to hear it...I have a truth or "ouch, I have just heard the truth" button that goes off. I may need some time to process it but I will eventually face it and grow.
The pain is not from your disagreement it is from trying to tell me that I am a controller or that I am the wrong in the situation with the roomie. Yet in my heart I know I am not wrong or bad. The pain is from all the times when I was a little girl and I would come home from school and tell my mom that a bully was being mean to me and my my N mom would tell me that it was my fault.
That is what the pain is...
Thanks for writing Bella and I appreciate your comments.
Lise