who moderates here?

[NoMoreMindGames]

hi there,

could someone please tell me who moderates this board?

i had the most disturbing experience on a prominent NPD board this morning, and won't be going back.  i'm really upset by this, because i'm trying to heal from my experience with Ns, and was completely ostracized by a seeming cult-like mentality this morning.

basically, i expressed discomfort at how much stock was being put into Sam Vaknin's writings and ideas on this board by the moderators and members.  i asked for other's feelings and thoughts on that topic.  i was concerned at his lack of credentials, and the fact that he is an N who moderates several boards for survivors of abuse by Ns....seems really inappropriate to me.  long story short: i was accused of being "divisive", told i could "find another board", (unfortunately it seems most boards lead back to Sam Vaknin).  someone even accused me of having a "secret agenda".   it was really upsetting and horrible for me.

anyway, i certainly hope Mr. Vaknin's writings and ideas can be openly questioned on this board.......just trying to find a board that allows free and critical thinking.  is this that board?  thanks for reading.

[Ami]

Dear Friend,
    Some people like Vaknin here and some don't . So, welcome. We are trying to find our own unique voices. You can disagree, here                                              Warmly   Ami

[NoMoreMindGames]

thank you so much, ami.

i'd even tried requesting to become a member of a different board, and unfortunately the moderator there was the same as the main moderator/manager of the other one, so my request was denied!

i'm trying to figure out if what i'd said or questioned really was wrong?  to me, it seems a really important issue...that if much of your paradigm is based on this person's philosophy and writing, it would behoove you to find out of the person's ideas and writings are based on scientific data and research.  i know that's my opinion, but i didn't realize it would threaten people so much.

anyway, i now realize this same moderator posts on here, too....she's everywhere.  so i think i won't be posting here anymore, either.  but thank you again, ami, for your warm welcome.

[debkor]

No More

Feel free to post your opinions.  I personally don't get threatened by any posting.  I may get educated in somethings I didn't know and some things I disagree with but I never ever felt threatened by anyone on here.  And I have never been shut down or shut out by anyone.

I have learned somethings from Vankin but I pretty much remember that he is an N and not a big fan of his. 

Deb

[lighter]

I think this is definately NOT a Sam V board.

Not that he can't be discussed here. 

I read the big black book and got a lot of information pretty quickly. 

Like everything else, you take what makes sense and dismiss the rest. ::Shrug::

[NoMoreMindGames]

thank you so much....what a relief.

it looks like that moderator hasn't posted on here in 3 years, so maybe i'm safe here.  i'll stick around!

it's weird how rejection makes me feel....just...icky.  like the lowest slug slithering along.  i feel guilty when there's probably no need to feel guilty.  probably the result of being raised by Ns.  i actually feel kind of traumatized by that whole experience this morning.  blech.   

you know what's weird to me is this:  it's almost like Vaknin is this cult leader in a sense, and the survivors of N abuse are the cult members over on that board.  they're all fulfilling their roles over and over again, replaying history.  that's the clear impression i got this morning.  it's sad because i don't think real healing will necessarily take place if people can't be open and honest about how they feel, even if they don't like Sam Vaknin (or whoever it may be).

i noticed, too, that the moderator had some harsh words for other members, such as "stop asking these questions and read the links over there to the left.  an ignorant mom loses her kids."  stuff like that.

okay, done venting for now....thank you so much for reading, and for your kind words.

[overcomer as guest]

Dr. Richard Grossman moderates this board.  He allows us to get into it and only occasionally locks topics that hit a hot button and there seems to be not agreeing to disagree.  Doesn't happen too often.  I have seen a few get into it but it usually is about some very sensitive issue.  We are all very supportive here and for the most part you are free to tell us what you think.  We try not to throw accusations around, etc.

Welcome!!  I think many will agree with me, this board has been a lifesaver for me in my journey to emotional wholeness!!

[NoMoreMindGames]

it's funny, because i would go for months without posting anything on that NPD board.  but recently i'd been really triggered by a ex-boyfriend of mine who i realized could very well be an N, never thought he was before the incident that triggered me....and i'm pregnant so i'm a real roller-coaster ride of emotions and hormones right now.

anyway, my point is that i really feel like i need a supportive place i can interact with others who've gone through similar things i've been through right now, desperately....it's almost all-consuming.  so i'm so glad i've found you. i was beginning to despair of ever finding a board again.  thank you so much!

[lighter]

Tell us about what's going on with you, what happened with the ex that triggered you?

::stepping back a couple paces::

I know I had razorblades on wheels moments when I was pregnant, lol. 

Just remember you have your truth, and everyone else has theirs. 

[NoMoreMindGames]

thanks lighter.....

okay, so what happened was this:

it's a really long story, and in hindsight, this person's "mirroring" me, D&Ding me, and compartmentalizing his life and me, his dishonesty and cheating, his inability to commit, all seem so obvious now.  i used to kind of date him, played music with him...

to make a long story short: he found me on myspace, i didn't know it was him until he began flirting with me.  later, i tell him i'm "preggers" (i'm very happily married to a non-N), and his response was:  "do me a favor.  tell people you're pregnant, not "preggers".  that sounds really white trash to me".

suddenly the little light bulb flared in my head, and i realized what i was dealing with, so i blocked him.  but it triggered me nonetheless, having an N father, and having a previous *horrible* relationship with an N man back in my early twenties.

[lighter]

What an A hole,eh?

Glad to hear your married to non N and denied N your attention.

[isittoolate]

Welcome No.....MMG

I know the Boards of which you speak, and still hold membership, haven't used in quite some time.

I no longer have an N in my life but there was a
Father
sister
son-in-law (now ex)
and left a live-in 5 years ago,!!!!!!

Now I would like a voice. I don't relate well to people who still live with the N and want to fix him!! Can't, so move on. If they will NOT leave him, or her, then there is no point in reading their posts.

I cannot relate to those with an Nmother, so have no experience on which to draw.

I relate better to people who talk about their feelings/emotions (even though I don't have connection with mine--that's why I am in therapy. We work on connecting me--not about Ns.

I don't want this to become another N survival Board. (It sureI S cliquish! and they love Dr. Sam)This is a darned good group and I am surprised that I have lasted as long as I have here.

Again



Izzy

[lighter]

Meeeeeeeet Izzy, lol; )

[isittoolate]

are you introducing us, lighter? or tellling me to eat meet? or meat? or did your sinuses explode?
Izzy

[debkor]

Iz,

I don't know if Lights exploded but I just think mine did from laughter. Where did my English Muffin go?

Deb