Hello everyone,
I need some help . . . my husband doesn't know whether to confront his ex-wife (a very controlling narcissist) about his son's behavior. We think he's been molested by her. Here's the story:
My husband's ex-wife was molested by her own father (and so were some of her sisters). She is very hard to get along with and has tried to poison the kid's minds against us (I was used to this behavior since my mother is a narcissist). The problem is with his son. We have noticed for a long time that something is not right with him . . . he seems very, very sad and angry. He is almost 16 now, but when he was younger he would constantly talk about his "private parts" and tell us his mom was "hot".
He used to ask me if I had seen his father's penis (my husband) and also asked me if I had ever had sex with his dad.
His sister also told us he watched porno films at home with friends (mind you he was around 10 or 11).
She also said he ran around the house with a "boner"
Since I have two daughters and no sons, I wasn't sure if a child that age could even accomplish this feat, but my girlfriend said yes. Two years ago his aunt (his mother's sister) called my husband to complain about the behavior of his children while they were visiting their grandmother in another state. She was worried that my husband didn't know how they were acting and was also very concerned that my step-son had taken her two little boys into the bedroom and shut the door. She didn't realize they were in there for some time and when she swung the door open, things were "weird" and they were under the covers. She was very upset. Needless to say, my husband and I cried a lot and prayed a lot for his son. We felt it would be a futile attempt to confront his ex since she has control over the children and would try to make life even harder for them and for us. There were 2-3 years where we didn't see his kids at all because of their mother's control. It wasn't worth the constant turmoil.
His son was just here this past week end (because he wants my husband to buy him a car) and my husband feels it is time to say something. He just doesn't know how to go about the confrontation and neither do I. We don't know if his son will be "relieved" someone stepped in to help or if he will vehemently deny anything and side with his mother since he lives with her. I think he will side with her, but at the same time, I can't see not sticking up for the boy. I feel it is such a dilema! I want his son to feel like someone cares about him, but he is really hooked into his mother. She has a lot of power over him. He also told me, when he was younger, that he and his mother stayed in bed all day (under the covers) watching movies.
His daughter is in the Navy now and not at home, so he thought of calling her. However, we still don't know how "hooked in" she is with her mother. She seems nicer and seems to have changed, but we're not sure if she's just older and knows how to "play the game" to get what she wants or if she truly sees her mother's ways. She always acted just like her mother when she was younger. She was very mean and didn't come to visit very often. Her mother was obviously pulling her strings. We're just not sure if she's really changed or is manipulating like her mom. Boot camp seemed to have knocked a little of it out of her.
If anyone has any ideas on how my husband should go about this, please let me know. We know if he just talks to his son alone he will tell his mother and all hell will break loose.
Thanks so much for your help!!
Survivor
