I tried to hang on, but for all the wrong reasons--- no more!
I finally dropped the last of 3 sisters. J, B and R. J and B are long gone, but R is a sticky one. She wanted to come to see me on 2010, 13 months after the accident and I said my initial reaction was “ No”. I was thinking of my sleep disturbances, movie watching all night, sleeping all day, meals at odd hours….plus the fact we had never spent even one day/night together since we were teenagers on the farm. Now she is 71, and I am 73.
The long and the short of it is that I had to fit into her sleeping arrangement, her meal hours and take on her housekeeping habits. She was happier than a ‘ Pig in Sh*t” and I was just holding my own, as she paid good money to fly 2000 miles, bought all the food for the week, did all the cooking, cleaned my apt. and had a gift for me every day when I woke up.
She also gave me Reiki and Reflexology treatments, but “dictated” the time for this to be done.
I paid for the airport shuttle to be there to pick her up and deliver here, then pick up here and deliver her back to the airport, and she cried, out on the street with the limo driver. I just thought, how silly”! --me and my ‘no emotions‘!
R. is the one who took my daughter when I had my first accident in 1969 and D. was 5. She came to the hospital only ONCE in that year of healing!
She finally began coming around after I bought a house and took my daughter out and bought her dresses, etc. D. said she didn’t want this and I told her to say so, to Aunt R. but she never did. She wanted jeans and T’s. R’s 2 daughters wore dresses. There would be my D’s teen years.
D. married at 20 and R. was not around until after son-in-law kicked me out in 1991, after which D. left in 1994, then R. came to see them all the time with food, clothing and offers of money for University. D. turned down the money, but R. was only about ½ hour drive from me and never came to see me, and I was hurting like Hell over losing D and the children. I knew nothing about them.
In 1992, on my birthday, I took my life in my hands and drove out to see the children….only 2, 3rd was expected. I didn’t know. I saw him, the 3rd , for the first time at my brother’s home, when little M. was 1½ years. I was playing the piano and just softly talking to him, as he watched, then he kept coming closer then began playing, on the high keys, with me. I put no pressure on him. Later, I was sitting in the kitchen when R. came racing in with little M. saying,” Here are 2 people who ought to mert “ and she plunked him onto my lap and he panicked and yelled and screamed and had to be taken off my knee. I was mortified as the whole family was there to see my grandson reject me.
She has constantly tried to justify her actions to me and I cannot accept her reasoning.
The latest, and it has to do with hospital records regarding this accident, is that there is an entry, the day of my accident, that my D. (who was still my Next of Kin), was quoted as saying, “Daughter Querying Suicidal Tendencies” …………WHAT? I said in my other post about only receiving all these medical records this past Spring, 2012.…3 years later--- and another entry was about April 3, witch said (I’ll attach it for proof and you will see how hard it is to decipher that I could have missed it) “Patient’s daughter telephoned …. ? to explain that Ms. T….. has a longstanding history of alcohol abuse/dependence. Apparently this also had ? i.e cutting off diazepam.”
I emailed D. and asked for an explanation and she never responded. I sent copies to R. and R, said that the hospital entries were rather “ interesting”. I wrote back saying that I was happy she found them interesting, as I found them: first, embarrassing, second horrific, and third appalling: and I have not answered any of her emails since. She never even commented an my D.’s betrayal.
I just cannot believe my life. It is all surreal. What my D. has done almost explains to me that she is embarrassed to have m as a mother, as she said when she was 12, ….that it was me and my disability, but NO! There is something else, and it must be her sexual orientation????? I feel she lives in another world.
I have only my brother left, who is not into family politics but calls me on my birthday and at Xmas.
I Thank Heaven every day for Karla, and now her friend Kayla who filled in for the month of June.
Izzy, the bewildered broad!
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