In a relationship, we define the parameters. But first, we need to understand where we stand.
In the old way I looked at the world, there was a piece of Me that I gave up to him. Consequently, his judgements would have impact. The reason was that he would judge the relationship (this means any thought he has, positive, negative, or otherwise) and because this relationship was a part of Me, it was a judgement that affected my personal valuation.
Now I take that part which I have given him and put it outside of Me. I look at it as "my relationship with my father." It no longer is a part of Me, and whatever he thinks only reflects his opinion of the relationship. As for me, I can see that as just an interaction, separate from me, from which I too get something. When I too judge the relationship, I am not judging myself, but I am just judging that object. The better we can make this union that we call the relationship, the more valuable it will be for me.
But whatever it is, it is outside of me, and no matter what, it reflects nothing on my self worth.
I am finally my own!
Steve
