Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
BonesMS:
--- Quote from: authentic on August 12, 2007, 12:29:09 PM ---
--- Quote ---Come to think of it, I don't think she has a degree in anything as she's never really FINISHED anything.
--- End quote ---
Well, there you go.
My girlfriend, she recently graduated w/ a masters in Social Work. as she walked down the street to the car (we were going out to eat to celebrate) a sweet elderly man asked her:
Did you gradutate today.
My friend started to answer and her mom jumped in (N to the T): Yes, we graduated today. We got our degree.
In the car my friend got stick, started vomitting. Celebration dinner cancelled!!!
I'm glad that didn't happen w/ you.
--- End quote ---
Thanks, Authentic!
I managed to enjoy myself in spite of her behaviors.
Bones
BonesMS:
--- Quote from: gratitude28 on August 12, 2007, 12:30:00 PM ---Bones,
A HUGE congratulations on your degree!!!! Yes, she was completely invading your space and, like others said, putting herself in your place.
My mother follws me around the house if we are ever together - literally. If I turn on a light, she turns it off. If I am cooking, she gets in front of me and mixes up what I have put together. No matter where I am, she invades my space and is DELIGHTED when I get irritated.
(((((((((((((((((Bones))))))))))))))
Love, Beth
--- End quote ---
Thanks, Beth!
Isn't it interesting that some N's delight in pushing our buttons while others, like this "friend" starts putting on the pseudo-stupid routine when confronted?
Bones
BonesMS:
--- Quote from: DreamSinger on August 12, 2007, 12:34:10 PM ---Congratulations, Bones! I never completed college, so i admire others who have that stick-to-itness. As for your friend, I agree sounds like jealousy and competition for attention to me. I had a "friend" who used to come to see me sing a few times, back in the day when I was in top 40 bands. She always tried to make me laugh when I was on stage. She'd stare at me and then when she caught my attention, she'd hold my eye and begin to smirk, which would then turn into giggling like we were in high school again or something.
I was so nervous then that I'd start to feel myself want to giggle back and it was everything I could do to stop from messing up. I remember trying to avoid her stare, but it was hard because she never let up. I didn't see it as a reflection of any ill will then. I mean, after all, she was my friend.
Now, I know better. Friendship is no protection against envy. Sometimes it's the breeding ground for it.
I'd think twice about inviting her to any more celebratory events for you again. You don't need a "joy sucker" tagging along!
~DreamSinger
--- End quote ---
Thanks, DreamSinger!
I don't plan on inviting her to anything else any time soon! She does not seem to comprehend any part of the word "N-O" when she starts behaving inappropriately like she did during the weekend.
Bones
Gaining Strength:
Bones - CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!! That is Awesome!!!!
Sorry the one person who went with you to add support to your magnificent day actually detracted from your celebration of your magnificent accomplishment. Now you know and you clearly are good at drawing that boundary. What ever her problem it is big enough to interfere in a true relationship. Isn't that sad for her?
Way to go - girl!!!!!
teartracks:
Dear Bones,
Re: Is it always N behavior to violate others boundaries?
First your traveling companion exhibited over the top N behavior.
I think we all violate the boundaries of others from time to time, but not maliciously. The difference is that N's won't hear you when you explain that they have overstepped a boundary. They will do the same thing over and over again even though you have been clear that their behavior is not acceptable. They will lie, deny, manipulate, set you up for more, - well you know the gig, right?
On the other hand, a regular person will hear you when you explain that they have overstepped a boundary, they know that no means no, they will apologize and mean it, correct their behavior, feel remorse, talk it through, pursue mutuality, work with you to clear the air, and so on. Once the two have talked through the incident, both will feel like they have moved forward. From there, the normal flow of interaction and communication can take it's healthiest course.
Congratulations on the Masters!
tt
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