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Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
finding peace:
Hi Bones,
You have the patience of a saint.
I would probably be bald right about now from pulling my hair out if I had to deal with this from an adult. She reminds me of my kids who suddenly become hearing impaired when they hear the word no. It is almost as though they have very, very selective amnesia when it comes to the words “no” or “don’t.”
Did she ever have any sort of head trauma?
I am curious if she would react differently if instead of using “no” or “don’t” she was given instructions on what she could do - for example, while I am at the crisis center, you can call me between these hours only … (sometimes works better with my kids if I give them a what can instead of what can't – and her behavior seems very childlike).
It would be interesting to see if her brain just flatlines on the word “no” (like a little kid) or if her brain flatlines on anything that does not mesh with what she wants, regardless of what is said (like an N).
I really admire you for putting up with the nonsense to help her mother. It takes a toll dealing with people like this.
Much love to you,
Peace
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Hope – you said
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The thing that really gets me is that they've never once asked WHY I don't respond.
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I had the same thing happen with my parents. I did not initiate a phone call to them once in 10 years (at that time we were still associating). I would return a call – but never once did I initiate one. I got plenty of grief over not calling enough, but was never once asked why. I thought that was really telling – either they had the answer already figured out (I was a self-centered brat) or they didn’t ask because they didn’t want to hear the answer.
Certain Hope:
Bones,
That's sweet of you to remember her mother's birthday. Hugs!
Peace,
I'm betting it's "not wanting to hear the answer". You don't seem like a brat to me :D
axa:
Bones,
I hear lack of respect, entitlement, grandiosity................. = well you know what
I think Ns always violate others boundaries, its a game, even if the consequences are to their own detriment. It's like the little kid putting their hand on the hot stove, they are told do not do this, it will hurt you but they go right ahead and do it and until they suffer enough they will continue to do it. The difference with Ns is that they don't care about cost, they get some sort of buzz out of breaking the rules and who it hurts in the process well, hell, they are only objects.
axa
BonesMS:
--- Quote from: finding peace on August 29, 2007, 04:50:53 PM ---Hi Bones,
You have the patience of a saint.
I would probably be bald right about now from pulling my hair out if I had to deal with this from an adult. She reminds me of my kids who suddenly become hearing impaired when they hear the word no. It is almost as though they have very, very selective amnesia when it comes to the words “no” or “don’t.”
Did she ever have any sort of head trauma?
I am curious if she would react differently if instead of using “no” or “don’t” she was given instructions on what she could do - for example, while I am at the crisis center, you can call me between these hours only … (sometimes works better with my kids if I give them a what can instead of what can't – and her behavior seems very childlike).
It would be interesting to see if her brain just flatlines on the word “no” (like a little kid) or if her brain flatlines on anything that does not mesh with what she wants, regardless of what is said (like an N).
I really admire you for putting up with the nonsense to help her mother. It takes a toll dealing with people like this.
Much love to you,
Peace
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hope – you said
--- Quote ---
--- End quote ---
The thing that really gets me is that they've never once asked WHY I don't respond.
--- Quote ---
--- End quote ---
I had the same thing happen with my parents. I did not initiate a phone call to them once in 10 years (at that time we were still associating). I would return a call – but never once did I initiate one. I got plenty of grief over not calling enough, but was never once asked why. I thought that was really telling – either they had the answer already figured out (I was a self-centered brat) or they didn’t ask because they didn’t want to hear the answer.
--- End quote ---
Thanks, Peace.
No, she's not brain damaged. I've noticed that she seems to have the symptoms of ADD as well. My sense is that she learned her infuriating habit growing up where her mother gave in to her after she continued to dither until the "No" turned into a "Yes" for what she wanted at that instant. As a result, this habit is now ingrained into her and drives other adults around her crazy! She recently contacted me to complain how one of her sisters is in a "foul mood" towards her. (Geez, I wonder why?)
Bones
BonesMS:
--- Quote from: Certain Hope on August 29, 2007, 08:26:46 PM ---Bones,
That's sweet of you to remember her mother's birthday. Hugs!
Peace,
I'm betting it's "not wanting to hear the answer". You don't seem like a brat to me :D
--- End quote ---
Thanks, Hope!
Bones
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