Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
Hopalong:
Hi Bones,
I had a friend to whom I was as irritating for personality reasons as your friend is to you.
Eventually, one day that friend told me she didn't enjoy being around me, and ended the friendship.
I didn't grieve, because I wasn't enjoying it either...but I was hurt and all that.
For a while.
A remarkably short while.
Because it was obvious to me, on some level, that she was right. We weren't really all that compatible.
And I'm fine about it now...I spend zero seconds thinking about her rejection, and since then have found new friends with whom I feel much more connection, and vice versa. (If I'd stayed in my pattern with her, all of that time would have been blocked from using it to be open to meeting people who DO enjoy and value me.)
Way down in, I think she did us both a favor.
Long story shorter, perhaps it would be a kindnes if you could find the gentlest, non-blaming way to tell her that you feel you're not happy in this friendship any longer, and you want her to take the time she spends contacting you to reach out and find new friends.
What do you think?
Hops
BonesMS:
--- Quote from: Hopalong on September 28, 2007, 07:52:25 AM ---Hi Bones,
I had a friend to whom I was as irritating for personality reasons as your friend is to you.
Eventually, one day that friend told me she didn't enjoy being around me, and ended the friendship.
I didn't grieve, because I wasn't enjoying it either...but I was hurt and all that.
For a while.
A remarkably short while.
Because it was obvious to me, on some level, that she was right. We weren't really all that compatible.
And I'm fine about it now...I spend zero seconds thinking about her rejection, and since then have found new friends with whom I feel much more connection, and vice versa. (If I'd stayed in my pattern with her, all of that time would have been blocked from using it to be open to meeting people who DO enjoy and value me.)
Way down in, I think she did us both a favor.
Long story shorter, perhaps it would be a kindnes if you could find the gentlest, non-blaming way to tell her that you feel you're not happy in this friendship any longer, and you want her to take the time she spends contacting you to reach out and find new friends.
What do you think?
Hops
--- End quote ---
I know she has other friends. I've been in the unfortunate position of observing her manipulating them the same way while she acts the DOOFUS because she "assumes"........
Bones
BonesMS:
In response to my own question....I think the answer is yes.
Earlier today, I attended what is known as a "cherrette" regarding architectural and community changes. Long story about what a cherrette is. During the roundtable discussion, the topic(s) of the disabled, the homeless and a pedestrian walkway, that enables physically challenged individuals to get to a nearby shopping center, came up. One idiot, who believed in his own mind that he is cute and funny, suggested blowing up the pedestrian walkway and having the disabled and the homeless kept to "their side" so he wouldn't have to look at them because he didn't want them in his backyard. Needless to say, I went off and told him that his inappropriate remarks weren't even CLOSE to being funny and to back up! He left the roundtable discussion. (Good riddance!) I was outraged at his attitude!!!!
Bones
BonesMS:
Granted, I would have LOVED to do something other than raise my voice at that idiot but the law does not allow that. At least I put my concerns on the table and hope the powers-that-be consider them when they do any architectural changes. I tried to take care of myself by going to a friend's party. (He usually has a Moonbounce for me to play in.) Unfortunately, there was no Moonbounce this year but he had a lot of Silly String available to play with!
Bones
BonesMS:
Well, the Passive-Aggressive Nfriend tried again! I had already told her, via e-mail last Thursday, that I was not going to allow her to make me late for work on Monday and that I was not available to help her with her mother's appointments. On Monday, I'm in the process of waiting for my lunch to cook and I'm resting in preparation for my late shift when I hear "tap-tap-tap!" on my window! Sure enough, there's Nfriend! She "assumed" that I was available to go to lunch with her at the last minute. (What part of the word "NO" does she not understand?) Repeated the word "No" again. It appears that passive-aggressive N's deliberately act "dense" when things don't go the way they want to.
Bones
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