Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
BonesMS:
--- Quote from: Hopalong on October 31, 2007, 01:46:23 PM ---Yikes.
That IS dark.
Don't blame you for tiring of this person, Bones...
Hops
--- End quote ---
Thanks, Hops!
One of the other things that she has done that irks me is that she even refuses to refer to her only nephew by his name. She has complained about how "the kid" has interfered with things SHE wants to do. For an example, she called her sister, at the usual last minute, wanting her to do something and the sister told her "Sorry, no, I have an appointment to meet with my son's teachers during Back to School Nite". Then NDoofus complains to me about that later. She actually expects her sister to put her child's needs on the back-burner for HER convenience! Sheesh!
Bones
betr4:
The n I am married to negates others to the point that it is not even a thought that he is violating anyone's boundaries. It's just what he does and who he is, so controlling and dominant there is no choice for the other person as far as he is concerned. A denial of other's feelings and needs. His actions make that obvious. He has mastered only being involved with people and places that he can control to serve his purpose.
When the nh is confronted by someone with boundaries, he writes them off. Which would be anyone who would slight his ego or control.
As my boundaries get stronger with recovery the nh can no longer violate them nor do my boundaries collapse. In the past I was not strong enough to enforce my boundaries. His n behaviors don't work on me any more.
Now I can see how he operates and how others participate.
It used to be me. Getting stronger has separated me from many people in my family and I am finding wonderful people to enjoy life with, not just try to survive the pain.
Thanks, BR
BonesMS:
--- Quote from: betr4 on November 01, 2007, 03:00:17 PM ---The n I am married to negates others to the point that it is not even a thought that he is violating anyone's boundaries. It's just what he does and who he is, so controlling and dominant there is no choice for the other person as far as he is concerned. A denial of other's feelings and needs. His actions make that obvious. He has mastered only being involved with people and places that he can control to serve his purpose.
When the nh is confronted by someone with boundaries, he writes them off. Which would be anyone who would slight his ego or control.
As my boundaries get stronger with recovery the nh can no longer violate them nor do my boundaries collapse. In the past I was not strong enough to enforce my boundaries. His n behaviors don't work on me any more.
Now I can see how he operates and how others participate.
It used to be me. Getting stronger has separated me from many people in my family and I am finding wonderful people to enjoy life with, not just try to survive the pain.
Thanks, BR
--- End quote ---
Thank you, BR.
Isn't it interesting that the Ns in our lives seem to go from one extreme of either attempting to force their way past your boundaries or completely writing you off if you DARE refuse to knuckle under to their "royal" control! Either extreme is dysfunctional, to say the least. They have no clue how to function in a healthy manner.
Bones
changing:
Bonesey and BR-
Oh goodness you have told the creepy and nauseating truth- It is like the Night of the Living Dead- they come out to pillage and feast upon your living flesh, relentless and unfeeling, inhuman and uncaring- then they retreat to their hidden gravesites!! Yecch!
Love,
Changing
BonesMS:
That sounds about right!
This morning, I had to get up early to prepare to attend CERT training. Before I headed out, I checked my e-mail and what do I find? ANOTHER e-mail from NDoofus ASSUMING that I had nothing to do, nowhere to go and she was going to "drop in". NOWHERE does she ask me anything! I wrote back a very succint answer:
"I AM NOT AVAILABLE!"
Bones
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