Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
Ami:
Hi Bones,
Just saying "howdy". Thinking of you and your exercise program. Find an exercise you enjoy, use an I pod, if you have one, and forget about everything else , except the movement. I like to do that. Talk to you soon. Warmly, Ami
BonesMS:
--- Quote from: Certain Hope on June 29, 2008, 11:02:35 AM ---
--- Quote from: BonesMS on June 27, 2008, 09:02:07 PM ---
Well, NDoofus sent me a personalized e-mail asking me if anything was wrong. (DUH! :roll: :P) I told her I am ANGRY and that I need time to think! She asks if I am angry in general or angry at her. (Double DUH!!!!) I SHOUTED at her that I AM ANGRY AT HER AND LEAVE ME ALONE AND LET ME THINK! Her response? "Well, we can continue this conversation via e-mail or you can call me at work. I have a meeting and BLAH, BLAH, BLAH......" NDoofus has gotta be dumber than a bucket of rocks!!!!!
Bones
--- End quote ---
Bones...
Are you really thinking about what you might want to say to her?
Or are you avoiding her?
Just asking because... if you've really made up your mind already, that you don't want to hear from her again, then just saying that to her directly can be so liberating!
On the other hand, if you've not decided, definitely, that you want to close the door on further communication... then she has no reason to stop contacting you.
I'm sorry if you have already said you told her that and I've forgotten... but I don't recall you ever drawing that final boundary?
Love,
Carolyn
--- End quote ---
Right now I am not talking to her. Basically she's responding the same way she did when her sister tried to talk directly to her about her inappropriate behaviors...continuing to be obtuse and ignoring the obvious.
Bones
BonesMS:
--- Quote from: Ami on June 29, 2008, 06:07:58 PM ---Hi Bones,
Just saying "howdy". Thinking of you and your exercise program. Fnd sn exercise you enjoy, use an I pod, if you have one, and forget about everything else , except the movement. I like to do that. Talk to you soon. Warmly, Ami
--- End quote ---
Thanks, Ami.
The exercise program uses computers, music and a timer over the loudspeaker so it helps to focus on exercise and not deal with anything else.
Bones
Certain Hope:
--- Quote ---Right now I am not talking to her. Basically she's responding the same way she did when her sister tried to talk directly to her about her inappropriate behaviors...continuing to be obtuse and ignoring the obvious.
Bones
--- End quote ---
I understand, Bones.
Guess she's either made the deliberate choice to be obtuse... or else she doesn't have the wherewithal to do differently.
If not talking to her gives you peace, then that's great. I only wondered whether you'd ever told her, point blank, "I prefer that you do not email me anymore."
Not that it'll change her one iota, but making such a clear statement of preference, when necessary, has changed me, personally, alot!
Love,
Carolyn
BonesMS:
--- Quote from: Certain Hope on July 01, 2008, 10:55:15 AM ---
--- Quote ---Right now I am not talking to her. Basically she's responding the same way she did when her sister tried to talk directly to her about her inappropriate behaviors...continuing to be obtuse and ignoring the obvious.
Bones
--- End quote ---
I understand, Bones.
Guess she's either made the deliberate choice to be obtuse... or else she doesn't have the wherewithal to do differently.
If not talking to her gives you peace, then that's great. I only wondered whether you'd ever told her, point blank, "I prefer that you do not email me anymore."
Not that it'll change her one iota, but making such a clear statement of preference, when necessary, has changed me, personally, alot!
Love,
Carolyn
--- End quote ---
So far, she has left me alone. As far as telling her point blank, I have watched her family members tell her point blank "NO!" several times within a span of 20 minutes. After it reached the point where they were cussing and SCREAMING at her, she gave them the glassy-eyed blank stare, blinked a couple of times, then asked: "Does that mean 'No'?" Like I said, dumb as a bucket of rocks or, as you said, being deliberately obtuse.
Bones
Bones
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