Just need to vent for the moment....
Someone, I used to sponsor years ago, is dealing with an extremely difficult situation. Her husband has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and she is facing heart surgery herself. The stress she is under is enormous, to say the least. She posted what was occurring on Facebook and she received the following response from one of our mutual acquaintances: "I hope your husband dies soon."
WTF?!?!?!?!?!?
Before I could respond, someone else commented at the coldness of that comment and the person who posted that attempted to justify it by stating: "Well, it's reality. He's going to die anyway."
I was so angry that I was speechless. At the same time, knowing how this person thinks made me realize that attempting to reason with her callousness would be a waste of my time and energy because she would NEVER hear it!
What I wanted to get through to this person was that there is "reality" and then there is COMPASSION! HUGE DIFFERENCE!
An example of trying to get someone to see reality goes back to an old situation. The mother of NDoofus had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and, eventually, her disease progressed to the point where the doctor told NDoofus that she could no longer leave her mother home alone. It was just too dangerous to leave her mother to her own devices while NDoofus was at work. NDoofus started acting passive-aggressive and kept coming up with excuse after excuse, resisting what the doctor was telling her. She didn't want to place her mother in a nursing home because she didn't trust nursing homes. The doctor then suggested Adult Day Care so that someone would keep an eye on mother while NDoofus was at work. NDoofus didn't like that suggestion either and resisted it. The doctor told her that a third option was having visiting nurses, who are trained to work with Alzheimer's patients, staying with her mother in NDoofus' home. She flat out refused that suggestion by declaring, "I don't want strangers in MY house!" The doctor emphasized that she had to pick one of those options because she CANNOT LEAVE HER MOTHER HOME ALONE! When NDoofus refused to consider any of the three options and left the doctor's office, the doctor had no choice but to call in Adult Protective Services. APS took on the case and NDoofus was forced to agree to have visiting nurses come to her home, whether she liked it or not. Needless to say, NDoofus tried to play "victim" even though the doctor had no choice but to force her to see REALITY.
Being compassionate is different. The former sponsee, whose husband is dying, is PAINFULLY AWARE of the REALITY of the situation. She does NOT need some self-righteous idiot SHOVING the facts into her face! She's grieving the fact that her husband is dying, is in pain, she's helpless to stop that pain, and she's also scared about her own impending heart surgery. Under these circumstances, COMPASSION could go a long way! If the only thing anyone can do is offer her an e-hug, then offer her an e-hug. Even the Vulcan saying, "I grieve with thee.", could help. People who insist on shoving reality in the faces of others, who are already suffering, are NOT helpful!
