Has anyone here been affected by alcoholism

[Tweety]

Hi All,
I was just wondering if anyone here has been affected by alcoholism?

I think you all know that my Dad is an alcoholic and my ExNB is also.
I have attended Al-ANON weekly for almost a year now. I have been in therapy on and off for 9 years, I have attended CO-DA many years ago. My journey now has led me here.
 The reason I am asking is I see sooooooo many similarities of "N" effects and the affects of alcoholism in your life
So they say that alcoholism is a Disease , For me the jury is still out on that one. I'm still at which came first the chicken or the egg theory.
 In my experience these people have so much pain that they are self medicating, whether it be from metal illness or past trauma. They need to work on there issues and heal to really start to recover. Have you ever experienced a "Dry Drunk"? whooHoo , worse than If he/she was still drinking... "N"s come to mind... They say alcoholism is a disease of the "Attitudes" I agree whole heartedly with that, and the people affected by others peoples drinking, whether that person is still drinking or not,  have a disease of their "attitudes" . My mother is "N" ish and my father is an alcoholic. She was raised by an alcoholic. So please don't all yet at me at once...... a lot of her 'N"ish behavior is also classic for being affected by alcoholism, a lot of her "attitudes" fit right into the 4M's as they call it Martyrdom,Managing,Manipulating ,Mothering(certaininly not in a healthy way. Controlling, blaming , there so many similarities. As for me I have been effected deeply , not only by their attitudes but by my own as well.
 Well I just wanted to put this out there and see what you all thought.
Tweety

[Tweety]

S+Safe,
Hiya, thank you.

I dont know much about N's drinking, but I know that the N's can drive
OTHERS to drink. that is for SURE.

lol  :lol:That is great........ I always said that about my N Mother driving my dad to drink...
Thanx for the input
Love Tweety

[JanetLG]

"I dont know much about N's drinking, but I know that the N's can drive
OTHERS to drink. that is for SURE. "

This bit really resonates with me. My NMum drove my Dad to drink, absolutely. When he had a nervous breakdown when I was five, my Mum accused him of making 'more work for HER, with 3 children to look after, AND HIM AS WELL.' Not surprising he drank, really.

I've never dealt with the effect of it in a therapeutic way, as an adult child of an alcoholic, as I've always seen my NMum's behaviour as far more toxic, but I suppose it's all part of the same picture.

Janet

[NoMoreMindGames]

hi Tweety,

yes, my life has been very affected by alcoholism.

my N father was/is an alcoholic.  pretty much my entire family are or were alcoholics.  my sister was recently hospitalized for 2 weeks due to severe pancreatitis caused by her alcoholism.

i have had my own issues with alcoholism.

i have found so much peace and help through Al-Anon.  it has truly changed my life.  i realized i had a "disease" too...i was addicted to the alcoholics, trying to control their behavior, feeling like i had to "save" them, monitoring their drinking, etc.  i realized how much of my current feelings and behavior must be affected by the alcoholics i was raised by.

interesting note though:  my N father, the last i spoke with him, said he hadn't drank in 4 years....yet he still behaved like an N.  i had my hopes up when he told me that, thinking perhaps he'd finally grown and changed since he'd quit drinking.  but no.....*shakes head*.  unbelievable.

[WRITE]

yes. My mother died of alcoholism in her early fifties, my father and grandparents were very heavy drinkers and I was what you call here in America a 'highly functioning alcoholic' by which I mean the classic definitions of problematic alcohol use may not apply, just the addiction and health issues.

I don't drink at all, gave up trying Moderation Management over two years ago, it was much easier to just quit.

My father drinks a little, so he says, I don't see him enough to know. I know last time he was at my sister's he got very drunk.

My b-i-l drinks heavily and I suspect my brother does, but he's very secretive about it.

Alcohol is insidious- what starts as self-medicating the ups and downs of life becomes a big problem for a lot of people and their families.

~W

[isittoolate]

One of my therapists, when I described my father's temperment, said he was a "dry drunk" yet he had never had a drink.
He was a rageholic and a very mean person to Mom and us kids. Finally he could afford alcohol and drank, as would a 'healthy drinker' would. Mom made him leave it in his closet though.
 
My first love, common-law with our daughter was a beginning alcoholic when we met, but I was naive and didn't know the warning signs. He was finally and out and out A. and physically beat me. I was to learn it ran in his family. I left him and took our daughter. 1966.

Then the psychopath. 1998-2002, Hid his alcoholism until the mask dropped and then drank every day, then to AA, then drank, then AA then drank then AA

then drank AND went to AA

He was a alcoholic rageholic just like my father's non-alcoholic raging.

[NoMoreMindGames]

it makes me so sad to hear other people's experiences....it seems like alcoholism is responsible for so much suffering in the world.  i mean, suffering would exist anyway, but it just compounds it so much.

[Ami]

Dear Tweety
  I have never been drunk. The most that I have  had is 2 glasses of wine at one time. However, I went to AA for 8 years. i went to Al-Anon for 10 years.
 I realized that I could easily, easily become an alcoholic. I went to AA with an alcoholic friend and I loved AA. i see myself as someone who could easily ,easily become an alcoholic so I don't drink at all. Many times I would like to have a drink b/c I hurt so much.
  I never wanted to be a mother who was an alcoholic. I never wanted my kids to have this. I believe that an alcoholic is self medicating, also.
  I am afraid of alcohol b/c alcoholics say that you never know when you cross the line and THEN you can't stop.
  No one ever, ever understood my M------ anywhere. I did not have a total fit in any of these groups. I also went to ACOA.
  I never fit anywhere except here,where I fit perfectly.
Are there N support groups in real life?
Tweety, you are doing really, really well.                              Love   Ami
 
 

[JanetLG]

Ami,

I have never been drunk. I hate the taste of alcohol. It's a very conscious decision for me , not to drink. I won't even have it in the house now, which became an issue recently when my stepson and his girlfriend visited, because the girlfriend can't get through the day without a drink. I've never wanted to, so my reasons are different to yours, but it's an important decision for both of us, isn't it?

If people 'pressure me' to have a drink at a party when I say I don't want one, and they say 'Why not?' I just say 'Because my Dad's an alcoholic.'

I have NEVER had anyone make a sensible comment after that. They just stand there, stunned.

Janet

[Tweety]

In between the tragedy of it all, it is GREAT to be able to Laugh   

S+Safe, -yes It is good to be able to laugh in the face of this horrible insidious disease that has hurt and ruined so many lives.

This bit really resonates with me. My NMum drove my Dad to drink, absolutely. When he had a nervous breakdown when I was five, my Mum accused him of making 'more work for HER, with 3 children to look after, AND HIM AS WELL.' Not surprising he drank, really.

Janet,- Thank you for sharing that , I'm so sorry for your pain. I can't help start to see a pattern here

yes, my life has been very affected by alcoholism.

my N father was/is an alcoholic.  pretty much my entire family are or were alcoholics.  my sister was recently hospitalized for 2 weeks due to severe pancreatitis caused by her alcoholism.

i have had my own issues with alcoholism.

i have found so much peace and help through Al-Anon.  it has truly changed my life.  i realized i had a "disease" too...i was addicted to the alcoholics, trying to control their behavior, feeling like i had to "save" them, monitoring their drinking, etc.  i realized how much of my current feelings and behavior must be affected by the alcoholics i was raised by.

NMMG,- Oh How I can relate to your being addicted to the alcoholics. I have that same
problem. I too have to be very careful with addictions, I have an addictive personality as well, I battled weight issues and used food to squelch my anger that I always was afraid of. The last 5 years with my exNBf alcoholic was quite an adddiction I m sure to some extent. Thank God for AL-ANON for me as well, saved my life too. I'm sorry about your Dad, mine is still drinking.

Write.- I'm so sorry for the losses in your family , It truly effects everyone in the family, right down to the dog. As they say Sh*T rolls down hill. Ive seen drunks kicks the dog when they got home because they needed someone smaller to pick on.

My first love, common-law with our daughter was a beginning alcoholic when we met, but I was naive and didn't know the warning signs. He was finally and out and out A. and physically beat me. I was to learn it ran in his family. I left him and took our daughter. 1966.
[

Isittoolate.- I'm so sorry for your abuse, I too can relate to that...I wasn't naive, but I got sucked in anyway, Bravo for you to have left.

I realized that I could easily, easily become an alcoholic. I went to AA with an alcoholic friend and I loved AA. i see myself as someone who could easily ,easily become an alcoholic so I don't drink at all. Many times I would like to have a drink b/c I hurt so much.

Ami, -great for you that you were so strong to recognise this....I'm so glad you found where you fir in.

Thank you all for responding, this has been helpful . I'm sensing a bit of a pattern though. Maybe its just very common . Maybe I'm just trying to sort out who's stuff is who's between my parents. I guess it really doesn't matter, the end result is the same and I have found peace in AL-Anon and here, I guess that all that matters. Sometimes we like to have everything in one neat little package. I have been affected by Alcoholism , Narcissism, and sexual abuse. I guess I'm doing OK for what I'm doing.
Love Tweety

[finding peace]

Hi Tweety,

I haven't had a chance to read everyone's posts (am having a hard time keeping up with the board these days).  But yes, both my parents drank - a lot.  It was really interesting with my F.  There was one particular type of alcohol (gin) that completely changed his personality.  I could walk into the room and know, just by the expression on his face, that he had been drinking gin.  I knew when I saw that expression it was time to run.

Peace

Also, please know that I am in awe of your courage and strength in talking about your experience with CSA.  I was molested as a child.  I know how hard it is to talk about it.  (((((((Many hugs))))))))

[Tweety]

Peace,
Thank you , for the kind words. I'm sorry for your pain as well. I have been carrying around everyone else's toxic sludge for far too long I figured it was time to release it all, and give it back to everyone that it belonged to....I have to say it has been the most freeing experience........ Now I'm free to make my own sludge...
Love Tweety

[teartracks]

Hi Tweety,

No, I'm an almost total innocent where alcoholism is concerned.  I'll follow along with interest though.

tt

[Tweety]

ah (((((((TT))))))))))))
that's so sweet, thank you.
Tweety

[Overcomer]

I always choose men with addictions.  My h is a functioning A.  My last boyfriend was a raging impotent A who did not work.  My ex was a sexaholic-I guess I was raised in dysfunction so I recreated it in relationships.  I used to be a drunk but for some reason my body is on auto shut off now-thankfully!