If they aren't questioning and doubting me - then what are they doing?

[Hopalong]

Hi SoS,
Is there any sort of steady regular intimate group you could join where you could practice those communication skills and signal-giving and signal-reading at leisure and in depth

hugs,
Hops

[Ami]

Dear So Small,
  I think that sharing here would be a great start. I really enjoy your posts. This is a board where we can find our voice-- just as you are trying to do.  Welcome, Friend                     Love  Ami

[SoSmall]

you guys are so sweet.  i think the idea of joining a structured group (a book club) could be helpful.  Also CB123 mentioned about keeping relationships in seperate categories.  Not to expect every conversation to be similar to that of a dear friend.  I think that is a KEY issue for me.  99% of the people I am talking with at work are just trying to kill time.  Sometimes i feel very self centered when I feel peoples responses are "about me".  On one level I know that what they are saying has nothing to do with me.  But as a kid, my parents made everything about me.  My father even said to me once as a young young child, "There was no yelling in this house till you came along."

I know that it is programming like that - that turns their "I like blue." remark into "I like Blue, and Green is wrong.  And you are a moron and trouble maker for liking green and you are wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong!"

That is exactlly what I hear.
I need help.

I think I spent from age 18-34 trying to prove I was good.  I wasn't going to become a failure.  Now that I have finally proved that to me.  And have cut off all ties with my parents .... I am just manifesting my same childhood issues another way.  I can no longer obsess on becomming a success because I have accomplished the things I *believed* would make me successful.  I can't focus on getting my parents love because I have removed them from my life.  So now all of a sudden I am having all these issues with everyone in the world pointing out how wrong I am.  Maybe I just need to prove to someone I am right.  Maybe that is all I am really looking for is continuous valadation that I am right.  I know I am sooo close to working through this.  I wish I had been brought up to believe I was right.  So I wouldn't be looking to strangers to constantly validate me.

[Bella_French]

Dear SoSmall,

I found with my own childhood wounds, that it is easier to heal and make sense of things when I am in an environment where those wounds are not being triggered too often, at least in the beginning. If I am being triggered too much, I become `flooded' and then look for relief from the pain, which becomes a distraction from healing. Thats why I think its easier for me to start with somewhere safe.

Relating that to you, where your childhood wound relates to the pain and shame of experiencing disagreements, perhaps you could nurture yourself by seeking out people who share a lot of your views, or even find a role where you are the teacher? Obviously, in the long term that would be limiting,  but to begin with I think this would have a settling effect on you.

X Bella