money money money ( again )

[WRITE]

Some people have had it so much ahrder than me financially, but this week my finances took another beating with yet another large expense and September will be the first month I won't have enough to cover all my bills.

Fortunately I can pay on my credit card and pay that back, but to me it's highly symbolic too of 'losing control'.

I've always had to be so in control because of the bipolar- it's a common symptom for people to run up huge debts because of mania.

Help!

[Ami]

Dear WRITE,
   I can't figure out if your big expense was  a "necessity"or extravagance. If it was a necessity--- then bipolar would not be an issue. Right? I guess that I need clarification in order to  help.
                                                                                                         Love     Ami

[isittoolate]

I'm sorry WRITE

So does mania always make you spend? Can you tell when you are changing into a miser?

For what area do you require HELP?

talking or a loan?

Hang in

love
Izzy

[isittoolate]

wow

do I bring threads ro an end!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

[WRITE]

Actually I think the thread is a perfectly good example of why someone shouldn't mention they are bipolar- it skews people's perceptions to the Nth degree!

People who know me better perhaps wonder if I'll be offended by words like 'extravagant' and 'miser'!   

I'm not, maybe I don't express myself well, this is all new to me:

No, I am not out of control either financially or mentally, I simply don't have enough money to cover an unexpected $1200 insurance premium.

However getting into debt feels horrible- I have so struggled to cover all my bills and had a horrible year financially with one thing after another. Ex helped me with the extra school vacation expenses or I would have been in debt last month, but I don't want to rely on him too often.

Every month something seems to go wrong and I get a big expense, maybe I'm just having a bad run....

If I could just have a quiet couple of months I'd be fine!

I guess I need to hear that other people have had these times too andworked through them and- it'll be okay.

It will be okay, right?

 

[Certain Hope]

Yes, I have had those times and yes, it will be okay.

You have old tapes playing in the background... I can hear them from wayyy over here, Write.

Hit the mute button!

Love,
Hope

[isittoolate]

yes, Write

You will be okay---i was led down the garden path on a phrase and I take back 'miser"....well a word "bi-polar"

since it was in your original post I thought it had something to do with debt, but now you have cleared that up.

Love
Izzy

[Ami]

i am so sorry , WRITE, that you are hurting . I think that your "old tapes" are replaying and causing an already painful situation to feel worse.
  You are not a "failure" if your ex or someone else helps you out.
   It is not about success or failure-- in reality. Your thinking is putting it in these categories, I think.
(((((((((((((((((WRITE))))))))))))))))))))))                                        Love  Ami

[WRITE]

I'll be honest, I am scared.

It is really hard to manage finances in America, the default state is everything costs money and you never know exactly how much it's going to be! I daren't take the dog to the vets or I'll be pressed to have something she probably doesn't need, I haven't been to the dentist in months, I know he needs a new Mercedes and someone has to pay for it!

I'm smiling but truthfully-

I dread everything- organising my move, who knows what that will end up costing....

I've been asked to participate in this wonderful music group but I will have to get a special outfit, if it's hundreds of dollars I just won't be able to do it.

A group I've been director of for a few years has run out of funding for my expenses, I'm supposed to return to that in September and I was reluctant to do it when they stopped paying me, if they don't pay expenses I'll have to stop altogether.

I just cancelled my therapy for a few weeks, even though I probably need it more than ever...

My friend called today and invited me on a vacation with her, it'll just cost my airfare, she has a beautiful place overlooking the Golden Gate Bridge. I really need a break, but what if I haven't paid off the credit card by then?

I know these aren't important things in the grand scale of things, but I am just frustrated I guess that I can't seem to manage this aspect of my life, and my friends laugh at me. They are either rich and don't worry or just charge their lifestyle and don't worry!

How do other people make these decisions and keep on top of everything?

 

[Certain Hope]

Dear Write,

Just say no.

No, No, No.

Begin with a list of needs and a budget to meet those alone.

Keep saying no to these other options/opportunities until that budget is firmly in place.

You can manage... you can sit still and say no... and you can separate needs from wants, meet the needs, prioritize the wants, and save for those.

I know that you can do this.

((((((((((Write)))))))))))

Love,
Hope

[Gaining Strength]

I know these aren't important things in the grand scale of things,

Beep, Beep.  Hello!  Where did you get this idea - not important indeed.  Of course they are important!!!
Listen to you - you are scared.  That makes this important!!!!!

My absolute favorite source of answers for things financial is Dave Ramsey.  I'm sure he has a web site.
He is really a guru about getting out of debt and building savings.  He is so down to earth and one of
the many, many things I love about him is that he acknowledges the psychological stress of things financial
and takes that into account when he gives advice about how to handle a debt issue.

You will be ok WRITE.  You are going through a scary time.  It is hard to live on a budget that has very little wiggle room but Hope is right.  (Now I'm moving into 'Do as I say not as I do' territory.) A written budget about what you expect to come in and what you know is going to go out  - really, really helps!!

You are going through a difficult adjustment.  It definitely makes it worse that you KNOW that you COULD ask XN to help and he would but THAT'S THE PROBLEM.  It's like - there is a safety valve - and goodness knows to have the extra money would simply take some of the pressure off and pressure is not good for any of our mental states BUT with him NOTHING comes without strings.

If asking him was not an option I think your adjustment would be a little easier, not alot but a little.  But even still, you are going through a difficult adjustment.  Your divorce is still very, very fresh.  Give yourself time and don't demand too much from yourself.  I.E. don't expect these solutions to be simple.  Just know that it will take time to figure out how to get the income you need to meet the lifestyle that will be comfortable.  I believe you can do it.  Just don't expect it to fall in place overnight.  Be gentle and kind to yourself.  You deserve that!!!!!

your friend - Gaining strength

[Hopalong]

Dear dear Write and Dear dear GS and Dear dear anyone in this pickle,

I have my head stuck in the sand so far just my feet stick out.

This is a very scary topic for me. But I am so glad you brought it up Write.

I don't manage, I hide, I avoid, I postpone, and I get very very anxious about even the simplest budget.

I am math phobic and constantly embarrassed that I can't seem to keep things balanced.

The debt isn't terrible but it's not good either and I do hide. Which makes things late. Which makes it all worse.

And which makes me very immature.

I don't spend much at all and I'm no consumer. But I still feel haunted by security fears.

I will stand by and learn, I hope, as people post about money anxiety.

Thank you again Write for bringing it up.

love, gratefully,

Hops

[changing]

Dear Write and Everyone-

This is definitely an almost universal fear- not having enough, or if one has enough, how to keep it (or not lose it)! There is no absolute answer...there may be mistakes even, but being able to face one's reality, and do the best possible with it, is a first, big, step. Write, you are not alone or "bad" in this.

Hugs,

Changing

[lighter]

Sorry Write:

Thank goodness for credit cards and don't forget you can transfer that balance to a new 0% interest card pretty quickly if you can't pay it off completely, soon.

::hoping it wasn't too big an expense::


Don't let this upset you too much ((Write))

It's gonna be OK.

[lighter]

I guess I need to hear that other people have had these times too andworked through them and- it'll be okay.

It will be okay, right?

 

Yes..... it will be OK and I've certainly been there, done that.  Heck, I'm doing it right now.

BTW..... I knew you weren't talking about a splurge purchase in your OP.