money money money ( again )

[WRITE]

Socialising. Do you mean drinking?

no, fortunately I gave up drinking a long time ago 

But socialising is one of my expenses, and something I wrote about here a few weeks ago when a birthday party cost me almost $100!

You wouldn't credit it Janet, being in the UK where it isn't socially acceptable to invite someone to a celebration they have to pay for unless it's to raise money for charity or something.

I have to be careful here because people assume you don't count the cost and sometimes that can be a lot.

Next weekend I have theatre tickets with a church group, I can arrange to meet them there.

People don't want to here 'I can't afford it' though so I'll just say I'm working, which is also true.

Last night I told an aquaintence who asked that i was worried about money she said 'you should say I had a great week...'
Really?!

The biggest thing I think in my mind which is negative is ex told me I shouldn't divorce him because of the increased costs and I decided it was the best thing to do anyway.

I don't want him to be right on this one!

Anyway, what's done is done....

btw Janet eating out is really cheap here compared to UK, I can drink water and pay just $7 for all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet ( three pounds fifty- you probably can't get fish and chips for that any more? )
It's a slippery slope though, you always end up spending more than budgeted for.

I'm sure I'll be fine, it'll just be a tight few weeks.

[JanetLG]

Write,

It IS becoming a bit more commonplace in the UK to invite people to things and expect them to pay....but I'm afraid I'm blunt enough to say 'I don't want to do that, thanks', and not go.

Me and my husband were invited to a weekend party by his neice and her husband, to celebrate five years of her marriage,where the 'events' on offer were a visit to a brewery (we're tee total, as I said before), and a barbecue (we're vegetarian, so find most barbecues distasteful).

Oh, the other thing...we're in England, and his neice lives in Australia!!!

And the invitation said 'if you can't make it, please buy us a present from this list'!!

We just thought that was cheeky.

IMO, I think your acquaintance is wrong to expect you to lie about how your reality is....we've had years of that already, if we're N survivors - why should we continue it in our adult lives, just to make other people feel more comfortable?

I hope things sort out for you, Write. It's just a tight few months, hopefully.


Janet

[WRITE]

wow that's a complex website S & S, I've read some jokes, some posts about relgion, nothing about stocks or gold yet! Thank you.

please buy us a present from this list'!!

oh how I hate those present lists, I've always loved coming up with original gifts and hate someone telling me what i should be getting.

It's different I suppose for a young couple just starting out and they want some basics, but most people aren't in that category I've had to buy for and I just ignored their list and did my own thing anyway.

your acquaintance is wrong to expect you to lie about how your reality is

very very common though....'have a nice day' still makes me think 'like you give a cr*p....' 

[JanetLG]

Write,

I hate the 'have a nice day' thing, too. It's like when waitresses say 'ENJOY!!' as you're food's put on the table when they really would prefer it if you'd just give them the money and go straight home instead.

I'm afraid that, when I am out, if I get accosted by one of those awful people in the street who think it's their life's mission to tell everyone they must 'SMILE!' or 'CHEER UP!!', I tend to say to them 'Why? My mother's just died.'

She look on their face is wonderful. They look so shocked, as if there CAN'T be any other reason than you can't be bothered to go round with an inane grin on your face.

Unfortunately, I can feel very happy inside    , but still look morose on the outside      - untoned facial muscles, I call it.


Janet

[WRITE]

- untoned facial muscles, I call it.

here's some exercises Janet!

 
 
and relax....

I am quite a happy person and smile all the time, I just don't like other people's expectations taking me over.

The service is much better here than in the UK and I expect it now, and tip well, but that's superficial and not a level of communication I want to have with my friends.

I won't tell that friend again next time I have a problem...I know she's had it very hard at times and now she feels everyone else should just pull themselves together like she had to!

[changing]

Write-

Are you sure that you aren't some sort of soothsayer who knew that I needed to see this thread?? I have been off balance of late- my NH took our savings  in the beginning of the year, he recently left, etc, and this has caused $$$ havoc. I also decided to go through with starting law school. So far I have no student loans , from law school or undergrad.,etc. - I have been paying the tuition payments, etc. Yesterday, I didn't have access to a penny.... my ATM wouldn't work, and I scrounged for change (yes, Write, I was thinking of you, and telling myself "No Changin, you are not BAD"). I figured that I had miscalculated- it turns out that new cards were sent, so the old ones didn't work. I took the old ones out, they worked,  and I was quite relieved.
Today I got a flat tire- I don't know how I will get to school tomorrow, but I will think of something. The tire is going to be another added expense. I have tried to get rid of extras- no cable TV, etc but have yet to make sense of the many changes and unknown expenses. Also, I got another letter from my NH ; now he is asking for $31K that I "owe" him ( he has several times that amount- he wants me to pay back what was spent for expenses, last year, etc) and he wants his suits and his guns! I don't want to see him, and hate to pay good $ to send his suits, and his guns were taken away by order of his psychiatrist- I think that I would incur liability if anything were to happen after I returned his guns. he doesn't want me to send his guns to his new psych or his lawyer,a it could cause a problem for him in a potentially lucrative lawsuit. I am so tired and I don't want to think about NH right now, especially about $$$.

Like you, I need to do the best that I can in setting up a budget, and adjust when things change (or a new challenge rear its ugly head!) , until the situation settles down. This thread helped me a lot, though, Dear Writer! Oh, and Janet, I hate it as well when waiters or waitresses say "Are you still WORKING on that?" while I am eating. Working on that??? Your devilish responses to people's nervewracking questions seem like a fantastic new way to function in society!

Love to all,

Changing

[JanetLG]

Oooh, Changing, do you think I'm devilish??

 

My mother would be so pleased to know she'd been proved right!


Janet

[changing]

Janet-

That's devilish in delightfully devilish, as in devil's food cake. I actually think that you are divine!!! And divinely funny!

Best to you Sweetie!

Changing

[JanetLG]

Changing,

Oh, what a lovely analogy! Like devil's food cake. I'll have to remember that one!

Janet

[Hopalong]

(drumroll.....)

I paid Ma's bills last night, stared at mine, and added up total debt.
It's worse than I thought but it's (uhhh, where's the silver lining)...motivating!

Main point here is that I am very grateful again to this board and everyone on it.

I KNOW that the reason the phobic thing loosened its grip was that I had written here about it with no varnish and no gloss. Shame and all. And asked myself why I should be exempt from the ordinary responsibility of managing my life like every other adult.

It was the next morning, early, that I began to see the first square foot of paperwork in a new way, and wound up getting started.

Thank you xxoo

Hops

[Iphi]

Gee changing I certainly hope you will be telling your ex "NO" and perhaps an additional "get bent"  which also can be expressed as "speak to my lawyer."  I've read your posts about him and it would satisfy me a lot of he was involved in a freak accident with a garbage scow.  However did he ingratiate himself with you in the first place? You are pretty darn wonderful and lovely.

((((Hops!))))  Excellent!

[Ami]

I agree,Iphi, Changing has the sweetest spirit and vitality that rise out from her words. Changing, I often , think of you and it inspires me                               Love  Ami

[WRITE]

Dear Changing,

just ignore ex's demands for money; you can't give him what you don't have.
If he pesters you about the guns and it's practical tell him you can hand them to his psych or lawyer in response to a letter from them stating they will accept responsibility for them. I doubt they will be impressed to hear he's trying to get them.
Keep all letters/emails, and any responses you make. Keep everything unemotional and factual.
Otherwise as you say put him out of your head.

I'm really impressed you're going to college!

Hope you got the tyre sorted.

Dear hops

well done for doing the bills.
It's best to have an idea where you're at, even if you were dreading it.

MONEY is symbolic of so much:
self-worth
anxiety
power
change
pain
anger
love even....

and for most of us it's been used against us often in all these ways too, no wonder we have to unravel so much around it.

~W

[JanetLG]

Write.....

For those facial exercises to work, do I have to have a yellow face and no hair??

Just a thought...

Janet

[WRITE]

Are you saying you have a yellow face and no hair Janet? Because I'm okay with that.

Or maybe those particular exercises would cause it.....

Hmmm, well I wasted the whole afternoon and that's what I'm going to think about tonight, the emotions around procrastination.

What am I putting off and why....

I'll start a thread tomorrow when my thoughts feel more coherent.

~W