Do I just jump right in?
Has anyone here ever tried to "tell" someone about their Nmom, only to have their stories poo-pooed or discounted.
Recently a friend of mine said to me "that it was just my side of the story", when I mentioned that my mom would react in a certain way. While, in essence, that is a true statement...I was blown away.
I have spent years second guessing myself in regard to my relationship with my mom, and even people who don't know her defend her. Of course this person had a lovely relationship with her parents, and so the stories are hard for her to comprehend, I guess.
G, my partner, even has a hard time understanding where I am coming from.
I did not what to call her and tell her I was getting married. I DREADED it. I knew one of two things would happen. One, she would want me to do it her way, and make it a major issue when I insisted that it would be our way. (We are getting married by a friend at the beach and having a potluck afterward....no big to-do) or twqo, she would change thesubject after a quick exclamation and then the conversation would be about her illnesses, how mean my brother or sister have been to her(or aunt and uncle..whomever) her neighbors dog...anything to divert the conversation away from what is happening with me. Even though she asks...she doesn't really care. It is just a way to access a new talking point for her.
Bah! See, I can't even write effectively about our "relationship".
Here is one of my memories as a young adult.
At the age of 14 (i am the youngest of 3) my mom decides to leave my stepdad. We lived in germany at the time, so she packs the tow of us up and drags me to AZ, where we know not a soul. She proceeds to sleep all day (pills) and works graveyards as a dispatcher. I am left to fend for myself in a place where I am completely isolated. She moved us to the furthest end of town where there is nothing for miles.
She OD's on drugs, I take care of it. I pay the bills, grcery shop, wake her for her shifts (when she isn't calling in sick) and get myself to school. The only joy I have is our 2 dogs, whom I have had since childhood. We had them flown back with us. I walked them, slept with them and fed them. They were my only companions.
I finbally started to make friends after a year or so, and one day I come home and my mom is packing our stuff. I ask where she is going. She says we are moving to the other side of town. I am switching schools again).
I was floored. Devastated. I had just started to get my bearings here.
I go to get the leashes for the dogs, Madchen and Taffy. They are not there, and neither are the dogs. My mother had taken them that day to the pound. I cired and cried...I am still crying. I know they were too old to get adopted. I asked why? Why did she do this thing? She replied coldly..."they took too much of my time". What she really meant was I spent too much of MY time loving them instead of paying attention to her. I am sure to this day that is why we moved. I was getting to be a little more free of her, and she could not have that.
I will never ever forgive her for what she did to those poor dogs, and that poor girl. It has been almost 30 years and I still cry for my poor pup's.
After a year and a half of living on the far reaches of the other side of town, just as I was making friends and adapting to my new life...my mother decides we are moving again. This time to California.
