WOW! I feel like I can talk to you all about ANYTHING! You ROCK! Thank you for hearing me and helping me sort through all this.
Dandy, you asked me what attracted me to my husband in the first place. I lived in fantasy back 20 years ago, and this man was my RESCUER, my PRINCE ON A WHITE HORSE, out of a situation that I felt was rather controlling. I was living with a foster mom at the time, who had issues of her own. Even to this day, she will not let her own 25 year old daughter venture very far from her. She once told us both "there are only 2 ways you are leaving here...marriage or college!"
I felt like my husband was my only way to get out, so I did what I could to urge him into marriage. I did know ahead of time that his father had been abusive to him and his sisters; even molested his sisters. I felt I could COMFORT HIM, and, at the same time that I expected him to rescue me, I also believed I could be HIS savior from his emotional issues and feelings of lack of acceptance.
I have decided to do some research about his childhood, as a result of this recent investigation of Aspbergers. I do know he was diagnosed with lazy eye and had a learning disability in childhood, which made him slow. All 3 of our children together, seem to have a learning disability as well. All 3 of them were held back in certain school grades. So, the signs were there, but signs of WHAT? That's where I'm at now. Follow me on my journey?
Although there are many possible symptoms of Asperger’s syndrome, the main symptom is severe trouble with social situations. Your child may have mild to severe symptoms or have a few or many of these symptoms. Because of the wide variety of symptoms, no two children with Asperger's are alike.
Ok, Roland had problems with socialization. He still does not prefer to join me in any sort of intimate group events, although at times he will do this to please me. He never dated ANYONE before me. Part of the reason was, any time he expressed interest in a girl, other than to play sports, as a child, his father made fun of him.
Symptoms during childhood
Parents often first notice the symptoms of Asperger's syndrome when their child starts preschool and begins to interact with other children. Children with Asperger's syndrome may:
Not pick up on social cues and lack inborn social skills, such as being able to read others' body language, start or maintain a conversation, and take turns talking.
As an ADULT, Roland will interrupt and talk right over people. Sometimes if our children are trying to talk to him, they feel they have to compete to be heard. Little Amber, age 8, will scream "DADDY I WANT TO SAY SOMETHING! THIS IS IMPORTANT!" It will take all 3 of us (daughters and me) to get him to stop talking and LISTEN to Amber. Sometimes, he will listen and then, before he responds to her, will start talking again. This feels RUDE and ANNOYING to myself and my daughters.
Dislike any changes in routines.
He does have a problem with his own routine changing, although, he feels that I should "just deal with it" when HE changes MY routine.
Appear to lack empathy.
I gotta LOVE the way this says "APPEAR" to lack empathy. The dude LACKS IT BIG TIME and he doesn't just APPEAR to. Part of this, again, was due to his father torturing animals and laughing about it. Roland was taught that animals have no feelings, and I do believe that, at times, that has transferred over to HUMANS as well.
Be unable to recognize subtle differences in speech tone, pitch, and accent that alter the meaning of others’ speech. Thus, your child may not understand a joke or may take a sarcastic comment literally.
My husband can NOT tell when someone sounds ANGRY. When we ran the restaurant, people would come up and complain to me, getting loud and nasty. Later, when I'd say "that lady was really pissed at me!" he'd say "oh she was NOT! She was just telling you that she wanted her chicken done better. You can't let stuff get to you." I'd ask "didn't you see how she was yelling?" he'd say "she wasn't yelling." Even when my husband raises his voice and yells at me, and my friends on the phone overhear it and say "my GOD, is that HIM? what is he yelling at you about? I'd NEVER put up with that!" later, I'll tell him about what my friend says and he'll say "I don't yell." Then, if I press the issue, at the top of his lungs he will yell, "THIS IS YELLLLLLLLLLLLLLING!" as if to prove some sort of point.
Likewise, his or her speech may be flat and difficult to understand because it lacks tone, pitch, and accent.
his speech is super high-pitched and almost feminine. He has an extremely annoying voice, and, even moreso now that he has no teeth on the top of his mouth. It's very hard to understand what he is saying cause his diction is messed up.
Have a formal style of speaking that is advanced for his or her age. For example, the child may use the term “beckon” instead of “call,” or “return” instead of “come back.”
He doesn't use advance words, but he does try to sound like he knows all the technical terms for anything he does. Like, he will say things like, "that is made of particle board rather than oak" spouting off how knowledgeable he is about wood. If I say, "well, I just call it junk wood," he'll say "no, it's called PARTICLE BOARD, because it's made up of fibers and particles." It's like " quit showing off, you fruitcake!"
He also has a tendency of mispronouncing words, that just IRKS me to know end. He will say: "And then Mr Smith sold the propity," or "I took them to the legiont hall" That sort of thing I find VERY IRRITATING, along with is bad grammar..."them are the right ones." If I correct that, he will say "them are, they are, them- they are, WHATEVER!" as if proper english is of no concern to him.
Avoid eye contact.
He always looks over your head when he talks. If you say "i'm down here, ROland!" he will respond "I know. I'm lookin right at you. I'm staring right above your eyes" (but he wasn't and isn't and YOU CAN TELL!)
Have unusual facial expressions or postures.
He almost always has a scowl on his face, and has frown lines very deeply etched into his forehead. Laughter is not something you will hear very often in our home, unless HE decides to make a joke, which, to us is usually LAME. He will laugh at his own jokes but not "get" anyone else's!
Be preoccupied with only one or few interests, which he or she may be very knowledgeable about.
He's a major workaholic!
Many children with Asperger's syndrome are overly interested in parts of a whole or in unusual activities, such as doing intricate jigsaw puzzles, designing houses, drawing highly detailed scenes, or astronomy.
From the time he was a child, he pulled appliances apart to see how they worked. He told me he'd sit for hours pulling apart old alarm clocks and putting them back together.
Talk a lot, usually about a favorite subject. One-sided conversations are common. Internal thoughts are often verbalized.
The man will talk during an entire car trip, to you, to others, (more AT than TO), and of course TO HIMSELF ENDLESSLY. He can carry on an entire conversation by himself alone, talking, responding, with no external responses from another person. It is the WEIRDEST thing you can experience!
Have delayed motor development. Your child may be late in learning to use a fork or spoon, ride a bike, or catch a ball. He or she may have an awkward walk. Handwriting is often poor.
I'm going to be
asking his mom about this.
Have heightened sensitivity and become overstimulated by loud noises, lights, or strong tastes or textures. For more information about these symptoms, see sensory integration dysfunction.
Roland cannot handle being around anything with vinegar in it, nail polish remover, or anything strongly ammonia. He claims it irritates the nostrils of his nose. He will NOT eat any sort of condiment on anything. He cannot handle me turning a light on when he's sleeping, yet he will readily turn it on full blast in my eyes while I'm pregnant and trying to sleep in in the morning. When I complain "oh it's not that bright! Close your eyes and ignore it!"
Although the condition is in some ways similar to autism, a child with Asperger's syndrome typically has normal to advanced language and intellectual development.
He did well in SHOP and Social Studies.
Also, those with Asperger's syndrome typically make more of an effort than those with autism to make friends and engage in activities with others.
He is not totally anti-social and has had a handful of friends in his life.
Symptoms during adolescent and teen years
Most symptoms persist through the teen years, and although teens with Asperger's can begin to learn those social skills they lack, communication often remains difficult. They will probably continue to have difficulty "reading" others' behavior.
Nope, he can't read anyone's behavior. He honestly believes that everyone is at peace with him and everything he does. He is totally shocked if an authority corrects something he did. He has no clue that some people really don't like him. He wont' believe it if you tell him that either. His response "they didn't SAY anything to me."
Your teen with Asperger's syndrome (like other teens) will want friends but may feel shy or intimidated when approaching other teens. He or she may feel "different" from others. Although most teens place emphasis on being and looking "cool," trying to fit in may be frustrating and emotionally draining for teens with Asperger's. They may be immature for their age and be naive and too trusting, which can lead to teasing and bullying.
He prides himself on being a non-conformist, dressing eccentric, and being different. He insists that his "flood pants" set the trend for today's capri style!
All of these difficulties can cause teens with Asperger's to become withdrawn and socially isolated and to have depression or anxiety.3
However, some teens with Asperger's syndrome are able to make and keep a few close friends through the school years. Some of the classic Asperger's traits may also work to the benefit of your teen. Teens with Asperger's are typically uninterested in following social norms, fads, or conventional thinking, allowing creative thinking and the pursuit of original interests and goals. Their preference for rules and honesty may lead them to excel in the classroom and as citizens.
he had 1 best friend for years, and that man was our best man in our wedding. Until we moved, he was the only friend Roland had.
Symptoms in adulthood
.Many people with Asperger's syndrome marry and have children.
Obviously. You are hearing from one of em.
*THANKS DANDYLIFE!
