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when your feeling are wrong

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Dawning:
Dear Wildflower,

Feelings are never, ever wrong.  They just are.  Feelings cannot be judged as right or wrong and don't let anyone tell you differently.  


--- Quote ---Feelings aren’t meant to be kept inside to fester.
--- End quote ---


No, they aren't and you have every right to express your feelings and take ownership of them.  My therapist gave me some good advice (apologies if I've said this before.) She said - when confronting someone about your feelings, begin the sentence with "I feel/felt..."  So that is exactly what I did when I called my dad after getting his number for the first time in 20 years.  I had to repeat my name 5 times before he realized it was me.  Almost comical.  About an hour into the conversation, I ventured forward and said, "I felt as a child that your father hated me.  I felt that you were indifferent towards me."  (how could I not when he disappreared on me before I was 5 and took with him a father/daughter relationship)  The next day, I got an email from him telling me that my feelings about his father were "untrue."  Also, that he doesn't see himself as an indifferent person.  Fair enough, he's entitled to his voice as we all are.  I didn't respond to that mail though.  I told him how I felt on the phone and that was good enough for me.  I was sad about his email but, realized, that he is not at the level where he has awareness that feelings are not right/wrong...true/untrue.  

I don't intend that to stop me from expressing my feelings about things though.  In a self-controlled, unemotional way.  I will not let him dictate to me the right to express his feelings openly but I can't express mine without being judged!  That's bul*s*it.   :x  

Thanks for posting this topic.  

Higs,
 :)

Dawning:
Hi Bunny,


--- Quote ---I make almost clinical decisions on what to do about them.
--- End quote ---


If you feel comfortable doing so, would you mind giving an example or two of what you mean by "clinical decisions?"

ta.

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