Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
when your feeling are wrong
rosencrantz:
--- Quote ---Was my mom right after all that I was just too sensitive and had everything wrong?
--- End quote ---
Nope! Your mother was not right; it was your mother who was wrong.
That's a tour de force of a post, Wildflower. Congratulations. I see which bubbles are bursting now!! It didn't sound all over the place at all but very 'right', very 'true'. So glad to meet you!!!!
And that's amazing how you phoned your mom to keep your feelings in check - no, you phoned her to keep 'reality' in check!!!!! Or both. Either way, as a child you experienced your mother as changing reality. Wow! What power!!!
You have a good therapist I think, asking the right questions!!!
And I see now - now I 'get' our recent :oops: . Really 'get' it. Thanks for sharing this.
R
Wildflower:
Hiya R,
I’m just going to bring this over here so as not to hog Dawning’s thread.
--- Quote ---For my money, if we (you and I) hadn't struggled - in all good heart - neither of us would have discovered what we did.
Sometimes we need to find a hard place to come up against for the truth to burst free.
What do you think???????
I'm glad, really glad, we went on that short journey together. I love the post you did earlier today. And I know I've made a major breakthrough, too!!!!
And I know something else even more clearly today - when two people are both hurting, they both want to be heard at the same time. And that's going to be true in marriage. And intimate close relationships of any kind. And it's almost impossible for both parties to get heard at the same time. So that explains a lot, too (tho I'm not sure what the solution is!).
--- End quote ---
Yeah, in struggling with you, I got a whiff of where my bottom dropped out. Or rather, the various points at which the bottom dropped out. :wink: :lol:
Yes, we were both hurt. And then I read the comment about prioritizing your own healing (and shoot I can’t remember which thread it was on!). So (click :idea: ) you working on/prioritizing your healing, me working on/prioritizing my own. Big head butt. :lol:
And then I realized it was really my problem {EDIT: my responsibility to understand why I was still upset, because it seemed like it ran deeper than our misunderstanding}, and my need to be heard {EDIT: to be heard, to be understood, to have my perpective acknowleged}… but about what? Apparently, I had been digging to get to that answer myself during that struggle. What did I need? I needed to know that my feelings made sense, were real, resonated, were understandable. Weren’t crazy. But that’s a need from childhood, and one I can’t expect others to fulfill. Not sure what to do with this at the moment, but at least it’s been identified.
--- Quote ---And I see now - now I 'get' our recent :oops: . Really 'get' it. Thanks for sharing this.
--- End quote ---
(((HIG))). Thank you. Me, too.:D
Wildflower
P.S. - Okay, This IS crazy...
--- Quote ---And that's amazing how you phoned your mom to keep your feelings in check - no, you phoned her to keep 'reality' in check!!!!! Or both.
--- End quote ---
I was all :shock: :shock: :shock: when I put that two-and-two together. No more of that, thankyouverymuch. :D I'd rather struggle with my own fuzzy feelings next time!
{EDIT: P.P.S. - Admittedly a bit concerned about recent events, I just wanted to clarify this post.}
Nic:
Hi Wildflower!
I just wanted to chime in to validate what you're expressing in your post. It seems that we have that in common..it seems we were both taught not to feel, how sad :cry: !
Even though I know this and acknowledge this and feel this about myself, I still find myself grieving.
The first thing that popped into my head is my concept called "emotional convenience"..I believe it was emotionally convenient for our mothers not to deal with our feelings at the time they were happening..not only is this typically N but it points to the incapacity of the N parent to deal with him or herself..i'm pretty sure that my N mother was so afraid to see my sadness that it was nothing more than a mirror image of her own suffering that she had to avoid at all cost...therefore the invalidation, therefore the almost shunning of me and yes the condescending "you are not a real person until I say you are" add-on that Ns always use... to avoid. :x
I'm trying to get used to the idea that N mother had/has a problem, the major one that is..i'm just the damaged person/result of the N-capacity to handle herself first..and then me. Healing is also about deprogramming all those damaging and incapacitating lacks of concern for ME..the adage..when you weren't parented right..grow up and parent yourself..comes to mind.
Your post was absolutely not "all over the place", it was very representative of lots of people's experience at the hands of N parents. I'm sorry you had to go through that too! :x yet i'm happy that you're out of the trap and on the way to recovery.
Thanks for sharing..don't stop feeling..i've just begun myself ..it's weird sometimes huh? :D
All the best to you and all,
love Nic :lol:
Anonymous:
--- Quote from: rosencrantz ---
--- Quote ---Was my mom right after all that I was just too sensitive and had everything wrong?
--- End quote ---
Nope! Your mother was not right; it was your mother who was wrong.
That's a tour de force of a post, Wildflower. Congratulations. I see which bubbles are bursting now!! It didn't sound all over the place at all but very 'right', very 'true'. So glad to meet you!!!!
And that's amazing how you phoned your mom to keep your feelings in check - no, you phoned her to keep 'reality' in check!!!!! Or both. Either way, as a child you experienced your mother as changing reality. Wow! What power!!!
You have a good therapist I think, asking the right questions!!!
R
--- End quote ---
I missed this thread :shock: don't ask me how, but I gotta say I agree with this.
Portia:
Yep, no problem there. Edit: No problems all over the place, very helpful, knowledgeable, willing to share etc etc. CG….hug…Bunny’s advice. P
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