Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
fear of compliments?
Dawning:
I wonder if there is a relationship between the received compliment and how much trust you have in the person giving it and in what situations the compliment is given?
--- Quote ---And just now this bubbled up...my Dad used to say this to me: "I see you being so warm and caring with others. Why can't you be that way with me?!"
--- End quote ---
Yet another example of parent-child reversal. :x
Dad is child and speaking in the voice of a 6 year old. Is he single cos maybe we can fix him up with my mom? :lol: (just a little lightness here. :) ) What your dad used to say to you is what my little child voice wanted to tell my mother - up until recently when I stopped taking her insults at me and compliments towards others personally. It was another way of her isolating me so she could assume greater control and has nothing to do with trust. The people who I trust, who I respect or who are professionals in a field I am involved in, can compliment me whenever they want to.... period.
Interesting, Wildflower. But your dad sounds like he needed you to parent him as well as other things which I also cringed at. My mother also wanted my undivided attention - wanted me all to herself at her convenience and moved in on any of my friendships or crushes while not coming right out and telling me she wanted me to have a crush on her. But I felt the same message. Weird, weird, weird all the way around.
YUCK, indeed!
~D.
Dawning:
Hi again Wildflower,
I just read your VCR story in P's thread (alot to ponder there) and understand that you dad is married. So much for the idea I had of fixing him up with my mom. :wink:
~D.
Wildflower:
Hi Dawning,
Welcome back! I hope you had a great weekend :D.
--- Quote ---I wonder if there is a relationship between the received compliment and how much trust you have in the person giving it and in what situations the compliment is given?
--- End quote ---
I think you may be on to something here. I've been poking around the idea that it has to do with believing in myself enough to accept the compliments, too. So, trust myself, trust others? Trust myself to accept and feel good about this compliment and not become grandiose??? :?
--- Quote ---I just read your VCR story in P's thread (alot to ponder there) and understand that you dad is married. So much for the idea I had of fixing him up with my mom.
--- End quote ---
Yeah, he's married, but I keep rooting for my stepmom to divorce the guy. So maybe we could introduce your mom to my dad? Get them aquainted ... ready for the inevitable? :lol:
I keep hoping my stepmom will finally say ENOUGH. Can you believe she actually attempted suicide in 2000 and ended up in the hospital for a couple of months - and underwent electroshock therapy?? Geez. I didn't even know they still did that. Would you believe my dad actually complained about how difficult it was for him during that time? She was so forgetful after her shock treatments. It was really maddening for him. :shock: :evil: :evil:
Then again, does your mom deserve it? :wink: You read the VCR story :roll: . I've got plenty others...
Wildflower
Dawning:
Wildflower,
--- Quote --- So, trust myself, trust others? Trust myself to accept and feel good about this compliment and not become grandiose???
--- End quote ---
Trust yourself, absolutely. Trust others that you *can* trust. I don't think accepting a legitimate compliment would lead to grandiosity. Genuine (non-toxic) people like to give and receive compliments. It shows taking notice of something positive. Give and take. But to give a compliment, wanting something in return - yeah, I can smell that one right away. That is not real. That is not even a compliment. No need to accept that.
I wonder what two N's would be like together? What is the "inevitable?" Do tell.
Your stepmother sounds like she is coping to the extreme with his Nism.
--- Quote ---Would you believe my dad actually complained about how difficult it was for him during that time?
--- End quote ---
Yes, I sure do believe that. Me, Me, Me.
:D (thanks for the welcome back.)
Wildflower:
--- Quote ---I wonder what two N's would be like together? What is the "inevitable?" Do tell.
--- End quote ---
Black Hole City. EVERYBODY STAND BACK!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Can you imagine? Me, no Me, no Me, no Me. An endless funnel of need... :roll: :lol:
hugs,
Wildflower
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[#] Next page
[*] Previous page
Go to full version