Physical and/vs. Mental Pain.

[teartracks]

 



Changing,

There is no way to excuse or understand the abuse you received from your dad.  I am so terribly sorry.  You're a brave soul.  I wish I could do something in addition to writing you this and saying, I'm soooo sorry. 

I want to inquire again about what you said:   Now it seems there is always something  gone awry in my physical being, and I must be constantly vigilant, both physically and emotionally.

The reason I'm asking is because my health went south after cataract surgery on one eye.  I've not had a healthy day since then.  The aftermath has been shingles twice, mono, diverticulitis, aches and pains that don't respond to even the high powered pain killers.  It has been a bizarre experience.  In my mind, my health was ruined the moment I went under for the eye surgery.   Whatever happened on that table, either effects of the meds or some kind of contamination attacked my system and hasn't let go.  Are you talking about something similar?

tt

PS


 

[isittoolate]

Oh ladies

SUCH PAIN!!!!

I'm happy otherwise for all the responses because I think I know what I am getting at.

As a little girl I might have said to myself, "I don't know what this is all about. This hurts and I don't ever want to think about it again, so I hide it away......................and do so each time I am exposed to violence and abuse................ this is making 'parts of emotional me' disappear, wouldn't you say?

So that continues until early /mid teens and that is plenty of thoughts to put away and keep the pain hidden too

Then the abuser changes to my common-law husband, daughter's father, and I do the same

Then I am alone and any real pain is automatically stuffed in with the rest, plus some feelings.

Now I am at this broken leg stage and I know I don't feel the pain, but it is in there and must be (should be?) affecting me emotionally but and am I hiding still? I think so, as I talk as though (Stormchild) "I broke a dinner plate" and then just plan on waiting it through.

HOWEVER, my therpaist is digging, digging at the part of me that isn't the physical pain, and I cannot find anything.

So how much of me have I put away with the pain and violence??

Woud that be the same as changing's
Now it seems there is always something gone awry in my physical being, and I must be constantly vigilant, both physically and emotionally.

Is this where my 'feelings' went?

Could I be saying, "Now it seems that something has gone awry with my emotional being, and I must be constantly vigilant to identify a feeling when I feel it."

This is where I came up with the Physical Pain and what it does to which part of are emotional system!!

Love
Izzy

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[isittoolate]

Thank you CB and S+S

CB, You figured it out, as it is making sense to me, and why the therapist is digging for the ermotional part of the (non) pain of breaking my leg.

It is deceptive, and convoluted, and I REALLY appreciate your post, as I wasn't too sure what I was saying from the beginning.

Thank you, thank you back
Love
Izzy

[lighter]

Hey Izz...

I keep wanting you to picture yourself as a little girl.... in some of the saddest places and circumstances you had to deal with.... and walk through it with her.

Until you connect to the feelings.

You aren't helpless anymore and you've built sturdy walls...... become very self sufficient, I know. 

But you had no defenses at 2yo or 4yo. 

((Izzy)) How are you getting about these days?