A bit lost

[axa]

Today is a very strange day for me.  I moved out of my house yesterday, tenants are moving in today.  I am staying in a friend's house on my own for the weekend.  I am surprised by my lack of attachment to this place that I have lived in for 30 years.  I feel no connection but do feel like an ORPHAN.  I have a house to come back to in time but feel like someone with no roots.  In truth, I wonder if it would bother me if I ever returned.  It is such a strange feeling.

On monday I will be starting another chapter of my life.  I do not know what it will bring.  Part of me feels so sad that at this stage of my life I am starting over and I also feel grateful that I have the power to make such changes in my life.  I guess the four year old little axa is feeling a bit wobbly at the moment.    I know when I arrive in my new city I will feel so good and excited but this bit is difficult.  Of course I am avoiding the final pieces of paperwork I need to clear up, feel like I am sabotaging myself AGAIN............. better go and deal with that.  Could do with a bit of support feeling a bit lost - temporarily.

axa

[Gaining Strength]

Axa - my heart is with you.  Of course you are in a strange place today.  What you are going through is MAJOR change.  I suspect your are numb.  I encourage you to keep your eyes on the ggod part of it, keep your focus on what is new and life giving and let the feelings that are other than that go by the wayside.  Think of wear you are going (not the physical place so much)  the place your soul is calling you to. 

The transition is very, very difficult.  Just know this and believe with all your heart that you are miving toward something wonderful and keep your mind on that.  Don't look back, just pick up one foot at and time and move it forward.  Remember you are moving toward life not away from it.

your friend - Gaining Strength

[Ami]

Dear Axa,
  I admire you so,so much for being so courageous. I could not see myself having the 'guts" that you do---- not nearly. I am very proud of you and I am cheering you on.((((((((((((((((((((((Axa)))))))))))))))))))))                Love   Ami

[CB123]

Hi Axa,

I remember this--I felt this so very recently.  It's like standing on the threshold of an adventure and then looking over your shoulder and realizing that the adventure before you is the only direction you CAN go.  This chapter is over. 

I can hardly wait to hear about how you settle in to your new home.  It will be strange at first--waking up in a new place.  Trying to find the grocery stores and gas stations that will be "yours" in a few months.  An all new schedule--new people--new places.  I do love it.

Keep in touch, Axa, whenever you can.

Much love,

CB

[axa]

Just read the replies.  Sitting here with tears streaming down my face.  Thank you my friends for your encouragement.  Wish you were here with me this evening but am so appreciative of your prompt response, needed it.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

axa

[JanetLG]

axa,

Moving is always traumatic, but I'm sure you'll be fine once you've had a bit of time to settle in to your new home. It will be really exciting!

Good luck with it all - keep us informed!

Janet

[lighter]

So glad to hear you're working on the paperwork and trying to stay focused.... not sabotage yourself.

That alone is reason to rejoice: )

When I hear you talk about leaving your house, I think about the door your N knocked on and walked through and how absolutely heroic you were to stand and quietly ignore him.... no matter.

In a way..... I'm glad you're leaving that place behind.... bc it has some of him there too.

I know you're brave enough and strong enough to handle everything before you.

::wishing I could help you feel less orphaned and more centered and happy to start fresh!::

[Hopalong]

Dear Axa,

I think of you as standing on a threshold this weekend.
Not one of those measly little metal strips with loose screws in it, either.

But a nice thick sturdy wide plank. It's well-worn because others have stood there too, with their pasts at their backs and travel in front of them.

It's stable, deep, well-anchored. It carries an energy within it that has strengthened and blessed every person who has paused there. It comes right up through your feet, and legs, and back, and up to your shoulders and arms. You will feel its simple strength.

It's strength, and the quiet calm and focus you need. It's flowing up into you from this lovely, very old threshold that so many many people have stood on before you.

You will stand there as long as you need to, in thanks to the shelter you're leaving, taking in the view ahead. Then when you are ready, you will step out.

Much love,
Hops

[Certain Hope]

Oh (((((((((Axa)))))))))) you lovely woman...
there've been so many of those start-overs in my life, that I felt there were no more left in me... or that they'd used me all up... yet here we are. You keep eyes on the prize and soon you'll see the sparkle revealed with all those old stains washed away. Please know that you're not ever alone.

With love,
Carolyn

[pennyplant]

I look back at my life and realize that I made some bad or "safe" decisions because I was afraid to be in the spot you're in now.  I was afraid of not knowing what comes next.  But I wish I had taken those chances and if I get another opportunity I hope that I am smart enough to step onto the new path.  By playing it "safe", well, I think I've got myself painted in a corner, job-wise and house-wise.  I just think that GS is right.  Don't look back, look forward.  That's where your real life is.

Pennyplant

[Bella_French]

Hugs to you Axa. It is so hard to uproot all on your own; well I find it hard, anyway. I tend to detach too, so i can relate. I think i probably do it in order to move on, otherwise the grief would overwhelm me. I think thats why I do it, anyway (not really sure)

Axa, in the last 10 years, i've had to uproot more than 8 times. Some of that was due to being renter, and the other part was because I had unstable relationships. I absolutely hated it each time, and felt totally off. I am someone who much prefers to sit put, grow roots, develop a community. But i haven't had the opportunity to do so as an adult. I am craving the time i can own an actual place of my own.

I have noticed a pattern though, from moving so many times. I usually feel really bad and off about a move at first, but once I have all my things in a new place, there is a kind of `magical exciting' phase right afterwards. I think the change is very invigorating, when it comes down to it. I can totally see why people get addicted to travelling..its the buzz of being in anew environment.

I promise you, dear axa, you will feel excited very soon:) Its just around the corner.

X Bella

 

[changing]

Dear Axa-

Oh, it can be daunting to be a pioneer woman- I know you will blaze new trails and find inspiration and excitement, too. And what a feeling when you have made a fun yet cozy new life. God Bless You Axa! Please let us know how things go!

Big Hugs As You Set Off On A New Adventure!

Love,

Changing

[changing]

Hello Axa-

I hope your move went well, and you are not to exhausted. please let us know how you are.

Love, Changing