Sunblue-
I used to cry every year during the holidays ever since I was a tiny child- I had no family members that were sufficiently interested to share them with me, no gifts, etc, usually. Then I started making my own Thanksgiving- I usually make several types of turkeys and accoutrements. (Many people that I know don't cook, so there are many tastes to satisfy)Christmas is also busy now- singing, etc.
My D has died and I am at peace, generally, with what happened between us- he continued to remain uninterested in me, though I was the only one who visited, took care of him consistently, etc. in his last days. Somehow doing my duty to him made it easier to go to the next step, and not hang on so tightly to the wrongs of the past.
My poor M- she has Parkinson's, but is ashamed of me, I think afraid to reveal that she has a D that she abandoned at almost 4 y.o.- she does not want me in her life, though I had offered to help her, and assured her that I was not angry, as she had thought I must be. Her last words to me were, "Oh, but what will the neighbors think when they see you (what an almost humorous cliche)? I am torn- should I barge in and help her against her will, or obey. I obey, but it is harder even than with the D situation. Am I doing right or wrong?
If I had family to turn to now, as is normally the case, I would feel less vulnerable in my current situation, but I do not- it is better to see my reality clearly than to "spin my wheels."
Love,
Changing