Ami, thank you for you kind response.
Here is the message I want to leave this place w/ when you say to me:
Where I disagree w/ you is
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this is what is the problem.
I don't need to hear where you disagree w/ me. In order for me to heal, I need you to
hear me.I need you to understand.
I need you to validate me.
This is the deep wounding that was triggered.
The laughter, the snickers, the jokers, the side conversations, the accusations -- while I was being molested this is what was done to me.
When I got hit with knives, shoes, etc. I was told to ignore it.
They would show me their scars and say
See, look at this -- it is much worse than yours They would ask,
Do you think that I didn't get hit too?I don't want to compare my pain to anyone and try to have it measured up.
They would ask me to pretend that it didn't bother me.
I don't want to pretend that it doesn't bother me.
It bothers me. I want to talk about it and be safe while I'm talking about it.
I don't want to be attacked and ridiculed or worst yet have my pain minimized or ignored.
If I say my leg hurts I want to hear
Really, where, how, can you tell us what we can do to help?Look at how quickly the board is going back to it's original flow -- this is the normal for everyone else, I guess.
But not for me.The people who jumped up from the dinner table and said,
I can't take this, I'm leaving!!! as a way to stop the conflict that caused them so much anxiety are back, quick flash -- no resolution, no discussion.
Is it that they just don't want to deal with the pain?
I want to deal with it. I want to face it. I want to really heal.
It is
I who is not safe here.