No family, don't belong to a church: Need Suggestions for old age!

[Anastasia]

I have a question about what do those of us do who have no family and don't belong to a church, and aren't hypocritical enough to join one, when they reach old age.  The thought of a nursing home is abhorrent.  What do people like me do when they hit their mid-80's or so? 
Old people forget to eat, wash their clothing and all the basic needs of life.  They need assistance.
Any suggestions about what to do when one reaches their mid-80's or whenever dementia starts (assuming it will) to have their basic needs taken care of?  I am guessing if someone is that old--and with impaired judgment--that their choices of caretakers will be questionable many times, too. 
Know of one once brilliant, accomplished lady who lived to 94.  Hired a sitter for her last 3 years to take care of her needs.  The sitter stole everything she could get her hands on, too.
What to do????

[lighter]

Not sure how seriouse your question is.....

but....

the answer to that question very much depends on the amount of money you've amassed during your iconoclastic journey into old age and decrepitude; )

[Poppy Seed]

I know that near my home are many Assisted Living Facilities.  We used to support their efforts in different ways.  I have visited friends living there and it is a good thing.  They provide for basic needs and adjust levels of care according to individual profiles and all the while try to preserve independence.  They have common meal rooms but individual kitchenettes in the private appartments (Which are usually very nice and warm. Not at all like a hospital). Along with the housekeeping and medical/nutritional support, they also provide social and intellectual activities.  We helped to run church services while we were involved.  It was a great thing.  Not as perfect as living independently without help.  But they beat the heck out of rest homes.  Maybe they have similar places in your area.

Poppy

[lighter]

We also have interesting facilities here, where you can buy into a full service retirement community, starting with the lifetime purchase of a lovely apartment, usually starting around $250K. 

Really, the facility looks, smells and feels like a resort, not a retirement home.

There are golf couses, pools, tennis courts and active happy members (giving tours in jaunty little Ked's and stretchy waisted active wear.) 

There's a hospital on the premises.....::nod::

 full time care facility.....

you have the option of adding assistance at anytime,

at any level. 

All inclusive, about spells it out.

I suppose that leads to the final... how?

There will be a very nice Hospice nurse to hold your hand and help you make the final transition.

Your apartment will go available again and your $250K will be spent, no matter that you were there for 1 month, 1 year or 10 years and they collect a monthly fee of approx $2,500.00.

I guess it's really like buying an annuity, isn't it?

[Ami]

Dear Friend,
  I am so sorry to hear about your dilemma.What hit me was that maybe there are some high school students who would like to earn some extra money helping you(or even a mature junior high student)     It must feel very scary and lonely. I am so sorry                        Love   Ami
  I

[Anastasia]

No...I am only in my early 60's, in great health and don't need this, hopefully, for another 25-30 years.  BUT, I have been eldercaring my Nmother and started thinking about myself...and all those millions of others in the same position. 
I do have a son and he might be married finally..and able to help me. 
But all those oldsters who are in this predicament now, what a drag.  I think when I get out of here I may just volunteer to visit old people and assist some. 
You really gain empathy for this situation--especially those without the proper amount of funds saved--when you take care of someone elderly.  They need you to help with everything from cooking to taking the dog out to running errands.  AND it is amazing how nobody visits you when you get so old and in not such good shape.  I think people think it is catching.  Maybe this is where living in a small, tightknit community would really help?
So, alone and old must be very, very, very lonesome.  No wonder they commit suicide.
Do a kindness today, somebody, and say hello to some old person.  Maybe offer to help.  Or, at the very least, have a conversation with them.  That surely would help alot, I think.  It is a sad, sad, sad situation America has put itself in worshiping youth and neglecting our elderly.

[JanetLG]

Shunned,

That sounds like a great idea, I'd like to end my days in one of those! I think if people feel useful (and in a commune, they would, rather than a 'rest home', where they might just vegetate), there is more chance that they'll enjoy their final few years.


Janet

[Overcomer]

My Grandma lives in an apartment at a retirement community-they set it up so they are independent but if they need case they can move to another area.  She is very good friends with everyone.  They eat it their own places but them have a very nice dining room.  Gram used to in to church but she is losing her hearing so she pretty much quit.  I feel for her though because so many of her friends are passing-she lost her H a couple of years ago.  She is 92 and still drives!

[isittoolate]

Wow OC....................Good for Gramma

I'm just off the phone about Home Care with this broken leg and it's $30.00 an hour: half an hour $19.00. That is more expensive than a taxi cab to and from the hospital.... and to and from therapy. Tomorrow I have a regular Dr. appointment. He's too far for me to wheel there, but close enough that they would charge the ½ hr. then come back and get me and charge it again. A taxi? likley $6.00 return.

I'll tell you she was pushy about how much help I need: a real talker: a real spiel.

I'll be receiving a pamphlet in the mail, and I told her I'd know who to call when I really get old.

I'm off to do my laundry.

I really have to think about this and remember, I like to be alone!!! What if I got a babbler??

OMG

Izzy

[teartracks]

For whatever it's worth to the discussion, there is an increasing trend toward hiring healthcare advocates to help a person navigate through the healthcare system and to help users avoid bad providers.

tt

Edit in:  There are churches who sponsor retirement homes, care villages, and other healthcare facilities.  My experience is that they are very well run.

[Hopalong]

Hi Anastasia,
One of my friends is involved in this concept:

http://www.eldershire.net/Vision/Why.php

I may get involved in a few years too. Fingers crossed they'll spread and be available when we need them.

Hops

[Anastasia]

Great ideas!  Something has to be done for those of us that are not religious, tho. 
I see why the Golden Girls on tv made so much sense to live together now in an area you are not totally familiar with.  I really think that communal living--even if it is only with 3 other compatible roommates--is the answer for many out there, but they have no idea how to get it going. 
I'm going to put my thinking cap on this one.  Again, something has to be done as there will be too many of us in the next few years that are in this generation.  Me, I'm actually a couple years older than the Baby Boom generation, so I have a leap on the rest my age, I guess.
It just is so sad that the elderly are really NOT venerated like in Asia.  America really has adopted some asinine policies with their youth worship.  After all, age does make wisdom....usually.

[Doodle]

Hi Anastasia,

I didn't have a chance to read all of your responses, so I apologize if there is any repeating.

My work happens to be assisting seniors with Medicare and community resources.  In each state, there is what is called a SHIP Line (State Health Insurance Counseling Program) that also does information and referral to community resources that are senior specific. These lines were created by the Older Americans Act and I work on the SHIP line for Minnesota. 

A list of lines for every state can be found at:

http://www.medicare.gov/contacts/static/allStateContacts.asp

Just a note:  Dementia is NOT part of the normal aging process.

If anyone ever has a Medicare question, ask me!!!  I can either answer it or get you to the right place that can help.

Doodle