Dear Bliss,
To me, what you've described here is unique to dealings with the personality disordered... particulary NPD and Borderlines.
I found that the more deeply invested I was in the other individual (codependently enmeshed) the more devastating the consequences.
With NPD-ex, it was much like Job's experience with his "friends" (who were no friends at all)...
... or maybe more similar to Job's wife, who suggested that he curse God and die...
except that I was being told to curse myself and die into (merge with) the abuser, who alone determined my value.
Interesting that with these manipulative, disordered individuals, your very worth as a human being is solely dependent
on whether or not they find you acceptable. Want to measure up? Thou shalt agree with them wholeheartedly in every way.
To disagree... to exhibit a single characteristic of possessing a life apart from him/her... is to be viewed as entirely evil in his/her sight.
You wrote: I read an article that defined spiritual rape as temptation---
where satan comes in to tempt a person, then when they fall short,
they get slimed with all this condemnation.
I don't see that as spiritual rape although that does seem to be cruel and unfair.
For me, it went something very much like the above, plus this added feature:
After being slimed with all that condemnation and owning up to my own personal lacks and shortcomings and asserting
that I had only to turn to Christ in repentance, I was told that was not sufficient... that it would never be enough...
that my only option was not my relationship with God, but my willingness to submit to the abuser (the devil's witness).
What I see is just how cautious we must be toward those who quote the Word of God, because the devil himself is a master at it... with his typical twists and turns, of course,
just as he used it against Jesus in the wilderness. The key as I see it is - the true Word, used properly - rightly divided - will bring conviction and a change of heart.
It is never to be used in condemnation and when someone attempts to wound with it in that way, they are speaking for their father the devil,
and not a bit through the Holy Spirit.
You wrote: To me the way a narcasistic person can twist everything you say,
and then discount it, and suddenly turn on you with open fire if you upset them,
it leaves one in total confusion, especially if you really adore that person and want to be promoted by them or something. You both fear them and adore them,
and I think that is where they get into your psyche enough to do damage.
When we are torn between love and fear, we are certainly not secure.
Exactly. Which to me is just exactly why the fear of man (people pleasing) must be put aside, so that only the fear of the Lord remains.
Not a tormenting religious fear, but an awe and respect and deep reverence for God who made the ultimate sacrifice for us.
When our security is not firmly established in the Lord who bought us, we are open to victimization at the deepest levels, and often wind up carrying
loads which we were never intended to bear. Old scars don't mend until we learn to direct our vision vertically, instead of horizontally... in my experience.
Thanks for bringing this thread back up, Bliss. I was glad to read it with fresher eyes and be able to comment further.
With love,
Carolyn