Oh my..... (((Overcomer)))
It sounds like you may have to change your expectations of this man.... so you aren't continually dissapointed

Much easier to just do everything yourself and skip all the fussing at him, like he's a child who has no discipline, skills, ability to motivate himself or feel compelled to pitch in,
even to help himself....he doesn't
He doesn't care about helping his own family..... I can't even think what I'd say to him as I caulked, cleaned, swept poop..... but it would be pretty consistent, I'm guessing.
I would have to make him see that he's letting the collective
US down.
That he was not a plus... and so was a negative in the family equation.
This would be the consequence of BEING THOSE THINGS... that I would relate that information to him and be very very busy and God bless you after your surgery and with his drinking and smoking.... you're a Saint.
Maybe.... if you just stop asking him to do things.... and he sees you DOING without complaint... well maybe a well timed stomach clutch on your part when he's looking.... he'll start to feel some appropriate shame and begin behaving like an adult?

I don't know...
::waffling here::
If he's acting like a manipulative child.... try acting like a parent to him and see how that works out. Parents do not barter, they give orders and discipline naughty boys

Bleck but there it is.... my thoughts on the matter.
::continuing to pray house sells::