Author Topic: Hello~newbie here!  (Read 1948 times)

JD

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Hello~newbie here!
« on: May 12, 2004, 02:03:30 PM »

Hello to all...I am new here and just wanted to say hi. I don't even know if I or my husband is N or not...I'm not sure I understand the term; but I do know that I have had some emotional problems since I was a small child.
I was always extremely shy, afraid to make friends, therefore I only had one or two at any given time (always happy & relieved that I didn't have to work at it any more than that!)  :roll:
I guess I got better as I grew up, altho' I still don't like new situations...I like to stay home most of the time with my family. My parents never really understood what I was all about, and my sisters & brothers were always just like them...I always felt like the oddball...
I just posted this today I guess to say hello to all of you and to say that even with my husband, who loves me & I love him, I still don't feel like I am being heard...that I can't speak up & give opinions without being criticized, etc....
~*JD*~

Anonymous

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Re: Hello~newbie here!
« Reply #1 on: May 13, 2004, 12:53:31 AM »
Hi, JD and welcome.

Can I just quickly ask a couple of questions regarding this comment of yours to maybe get the ball rolling here,

[quote="JDthat I can't speak up & give opinions without being criticized, etc....[/quote]

1) Who does the criticising etc...?

2) Are you saying absolutely everyone does this, including your husband?

3) Do you listen to their criticisms?

4) Has this caused you to stop speaking up and giving your opinions, or do you still speak up and give your opinions?

CG

Anonymous

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Hello~newbie here!
« Reply #2 on: May 13, 2004, 09:39:49 AM »
Hello CG...
In answer to your questions here...my husband is the one doing the criticising, no one else does...I try to take in everything he says, but alot of the time it's about things that are long since past, like "what I said or did a long time ago, or what a member of my family said or did"... :(
He'll be fine most of the time (and don't get me wrong here~I love him very much & I know how much he loves me)~but then all of a sudden his mood changes & he'll get depressed about money or whatever...  :evil:
Like yesterday, for example...I was awake when he got up for work (about 3 a.m.) & he was in his usual good mood & he asked me what my plans were for the day. I told him I was home til about 2, then I was going to see my Mom, who is in a home right now, and then about 4 I had to go pick up two of our daughters from school...then it's home til 5:30, then taking them to their evening classes. He left feeling fine, but then after I came home @ 4:30 my other daughter told me he was in a bad mood cuz I hadn't had dinner started yet! He never complained to me about it, but another of our girls told me the same thing later on... :roll:
I can't predict his moods alot of the time, and sometimes I feel like I'm walking on eggshells to please him & keep him happy.
We have eight children, from 15-25 years of age, and we've been married for nearly 27 years. Most of it has been really good, except when he gets in one of his moods; he told me once that he thinks sometimes the kids are afraid of him, and I told him that sometimes I am too~that seemed to knock the wind out of him for a bit~I don't think he ever suspected it!
Like I said before, I don't really know what the problem is here...I just know I need to vent somewhere where no one knows me...
O yeah...I forgot to tell you that in answer to your question about my opinions, I can't always tell him what I think or feel about some things cuz he'll just get louder or sulk like a 3-year-old...why are men like this?? :cry:

JD

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Hello~newbie here!
« Reply #3 on: May 13, 2004, 09:45:50 AM »
by the way... :) this previous post was really me...I just forgot to sign in, so it'll say "Guest"! but it's me...
I also would like to add here, that ever since I was little I have mostly kept my opinions to myself, unless they were something I really felt safe sharing, but whenever the other kids wanted to play a certain game, or whatever the issue, I usually went along even if it's not what I wanted to do at the time, just to keep them happy...it didn't matter.
~*JD*~

Learning

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Hello~newbie here!
« Reply #4 on: May 13, 2004, 10:10:29 AM »
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JD

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for the welcome...
« Reply #5 on: May 14, 2004, 08:31:00 AM »
:D Thanks to you both for the warm welcome here~ I appreciate being able to let everything out! :mrgreen: It's a very free-ing feeling, isn't it?
I was afraid this board was all about narcissism, and nothing else, but since I'm not sure just exactly what that is, I was happy to find this board was titled simply "voicelessness & emotional survival"...because that's what I felt I needed more than anything sometimes! (am I making any sense here?)
My H says I'm over-sensitive sometimes, but I guess that's just the way it goes~being an artist, I have a great sensitivity to detail & it carries over into just about all other areas of my life as well...
I hope I didn't leave the wrong impression about him here; he & I get along pretty much 99% of the time~ we really do have great fun together, and having a large family, we mostly are happy to be busy with all that~ it's just sometimes he can make me crazy, I suppose like most husbands will, eh?...but I also suppose that I can have the same effect on him! :wink:
Anyway,~ I also wanted to say 'welcome' to you also, Learning...I hope you are able to find your own voice in these boards...and maybe we can go on learning together, eh? :D
~*JD*~

Portia

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Hello~newbie here!
« Reply #6 on: May 14, 2004, 08:40:09 AM »
Hiya JD, have you done one of those personality tests, do you know what ‘type’ you are and all that stuff? I found out recently I’m an introvert and it’s changed my views about what’s okay for me. Like a lot of what I thought might be a problem, isn’t, it’s just different. Would this help do you think or have you done this type of thing? P

Anonymous

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Hello~newbie here!
« Reply #7 on: May 14, 2004, 10:37:15 AM »
JD,

Your husband doesn't sound like a full-blown N. He may have narcissistic tendencies (entitlement, dominance, sulking, moodiness) but that is workable. Sounds like his moodiness is most of the problem. This could be dealt with in various ways: (1) he could see a doctor and get anti-depressants; (2) you could become slightly more thick-skinned and ignore him more often, or stand up to him; (3) you could both go to marriage counseling but probably you have no time for that!

You have 8 children, why isn't one of them making dinner?!!

bunny