Hiya Hops,
Thanks for this thread (and I'm sure it's well within the range of what's been requested of us).
I felt like I've been on a rough wagon ride over a chorduroy road when I woke up this morning and I can totally relate. I felt like I still have more to say but had to let go of that idea so I didn't even try to post here. I think it was being called an abusive venemous creature that did it for me.
The old....sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me ......doesn't ring true does it?
Words do hurt and can be used as weapons (my point re my basic belief that saying "I hate you" can be very damaging to a person, thus, I don't say that and take control of my mouth/fingys when I want to say such things.) I believe it is wrong to allow myself that much freedom. Especially when I own a set of perfectly good bongo drums. I am in charge of what I say/post/do.
Anyhow, the majority wins and the majority of people here haven't called me that or anything near so I know to not take it to heart. I also consider that words can say a lot more about those who use them, than the words themselves. That's a sad thought too, actually.
Anyway, Hi, you're not alone. It's ok to feel it all. Who wouldn't? One would have to be empty inside not to feel a bit blue/blaaazzay/blelch after such an experience.
And then I do the double checking thingy on myself. Should I have said/done this/that/the other? Always questioning whether there might have been a better way (which it's too late now but I guess that's part of my learning experience). I'm pretty well always sure I could have found better words.
I hardly think it would have made a difference though.
Aw well.....life goes on eh? Nobody died.
Ami, just reading your post.
I am the hamster scurrying trying to control all these parameters and particularly anger b/c I am scared to death that I am REALLY what my M told me I was --- worthless
See my point? See how your mother used words as a weapon on you? See the harm it caused?
My point is not that we don't have feelings or shouldn't feel feelings.....it is how we choose to express feelings.
First: I am so sorry that she said such an awful, cruel and totally untrue thing to you....about you!!
No one is worthless.2nd: Maybe it would help to take a different look at feelings, in general? Aren't they just feelings? Isn't anger just a feeling? It doesn't define anyone or devalue anyone, does it? Don't we choose how we express our feelings? (or not to express them?). Isn't it just human to have feelings....including anger? Betcha even hamsters can get mad!!
The real question to ask yourself is: Have I bitten anyone lately?
To me, that's where I base my worth (not by some angry words from some other person).
I don't know if any of that makes sense or is helpful .....if not.....please toss it.
Sela
