Being Present Tonight

[Hopalong]

Just wanted to open this as a courtesy for anyone who had started to dialogue in broader terms about ideas that came up on my thread of this morning. Sorry for any beginning connections that got cut off, do pick them up here.

I really am just thinking about "being present". Tonight, I feel peaceful. I recognized some dependency in me that told me that earlier, I wasn't really okay until I asked for what I wanted. That was validation and greeting. I received that in abundance, and generous love as well.

I had a funny but nice insight tonight with my friend at dinner. I told her that for me, one of the joys of the hypnosis CDs is that as many days I feel quite lonely, now I have this recorded Jewish mother-therapist in my ears, morning and evening, and she really, really wants me to thrive. It's intimate and sometimes funny, and I deeply welcome her voice. My day is bracketed by such a nurturing experience that it makes the rest of it, following the hypnotic suggestions for my better health, feel like flow.

So I'm present with that. Gratitude all through me for many many voices in my life. And even my own.

Carry on, whatever you are being present with, welcome here.

love,
Hops

[Sela]

That's so cool Hops,

Thrive on!

What's mostly present for me this evening is that I am very, very sleepy and shall go off now for my slumber.

Sweet dreams and sending you lot's of love,

Sela

[Hopalong]

Sweet snoozing, Sela!

I realized another funny thing about the hypnosis CDs. I don't think I've felt lonely since shortly after I started using them about, hmm about 2 weeks ago. Wow. Well, not true...sometimes on the weekend, but it was better.

So if I think more about that, it means that in spite of some of the constrictions of my present life (living with Mom so I can't entertain, working FT miles outside of town in a tiny burg with no lunch hour to meet pals)...I HAVE found ways to take care of myself. I'm really happy about that.

And of course and so richly, spending time here. (I remember me talking about backing off...say a week ago? Sheesh.)

Well, I know something's going on that's good for me. Feel like I've turned a corner.

Just rambling.
Anybody else want to talk about their evening thoughts?

Hops

[teartracks]

Hi Hops,

You are a prevailing sweet, gentle wind here.  I admire you and accept you exactly  as you are. 

tt 

[finding peace]

Well Hops,

My evening thoughts are pretty much the same as they were today, so I will post them here, with some fine-tuning so that the most important parts are reiterated:

I believe that everyone has a unique light:

Some sparkle with humor and wit
Some with raw intelligence
Some with courage and wisdom
Some with comfort and warmth
Some with deep compassion and empathy
Some with the ability to encourage
Some with the ability to energize
and so on.

Hops, from everything that you have written, I believe that your light contains each of these sparkles and more.  I am in awe and humbled by how brightly your light blazes. 

I don’t know if you realize, but your light has been like a soft gentle breath of air on the ember in my soul that was almost extinguished by the dark of my past.  Because of your willingness to share your light, my own has become brighter.  Because mine is brighter, I will be able to pass this gift to my children, and they will be able to pass a brighter light to their children.  This is a phenomenal gift. You do this without asking for anything in return and for anyone who comes here if they are willing see it and to accept it.

Personally, I can’t thank you enough for being here.

Much love to you.
Peace 

I am signing off tonight – this is me



Wishing you a peaceful and restful sleep.

[Bella_French]

Dear Hops, You have totally sold me on getting a hypnosis CD, lol:)

I am glad you are feeling well tonight, and validated.

X Bella

[Hopalong]

Hi Dears,
I am just fine and TT, and Peace, staggered.
(Now I think I know what CB meant when she said, how can anybody look at me this way!)

I'm not fishing for reassurance now (though I sure was earlier today)...so just- blessings, many blessings pouring down on your sleepy heads!

Bella, promise to tell me about it! I hope it's wonderful for you.
Here's a link: www.thehypnosisnetwork.com

Night all.
wowsers.
and love,
Hops

[lighter]

Morning Hops.....

When you wake up.....



First...


(((((((Hops)))))))

a big messy hug....

some soy turkey bacon..... chewy yummy nothing died for the pleasure of our palets..

::nodding enthusiastically::

half a bagel...... toasted.... sesame (hope that's ok.... the sesame seeds didn't feel a thing)

a slice of fresh Ohio tomato.....  no no no..... the whole tomatoe sliced.... we may want more, ::nod::



half a perfectly green and ripe avocado...... you're right, it is decadent.

and a side of Helmans mayonnaise cause that would make it YuuuuUUmmmIE! 

Errrr.

Served on little pewter plates with assorted beverages.....lets take it outside and greet the morning together, shall we?

[Overcomer]

That sounds  like a lot of fun!

[Hopalong]

Oh maaaaaaaaaaan, Lighter, than sounds divine!

I believe I will go shopping for soy-turkey bacon and prepare the exact thing, in your honor, sometime this wknd.
Thanks, hon.

Happy Friday to you!

Hi Kell--I have my fingers, toes, and many hairs crossed that the open house goes smoothly and it sells quicky. And, for you, I wish some kind of relaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaxation, regularly, coming into your life soon thereafter.

One good thing I associate with moving is downsizing and getting rid of stuff. I lightened my belongings by a third several times in a row, and by the time I landed back home, my stuff was remarkably winnowed for someone my age. I have daydreams of everything becoming much simpler yet.

xo,
Hops

[Ami]

Hops,
  I would be interested in HOW you take care of yourself. One of the hardest things for me IS to take care of myself. I think that I made a pact with the "devil". He would leave me alone if I continually undermined and did not nurture myself. It sounds so strange,but I know that it is ,somehow , true.
I would love to hear ways that you take care of yourself. Maybe ,I will start  a thread on it,later  .
 

[Certain Hope]

Dear Hops,

Thank you for being here... and that was all I could say when I tried to think of what to type earlier.

Now I say, thank you for reminding me that I have a present, too... and that it is the tense where it healthiest to be being...  not tangled in the deficits, but deeply breathing in the moment, welcoming in the calm.

Isolationism has been beckoning, Hops.... loudly. Very, very loudly. I've felt so small and uncovered... weak and frightened. A familiar voice, harsh and grating, full of bitter superiority and condemnation, can reduce me to a fetal position.

But your heart, through your words, encourages me to create a secret garden of my own... of safety, and of peace... with a lovely stone flowering-vine covered entryway (morning glories... multi-colored), thick mohagany door, burnished brass lock, complete with the security of a very large, very heavy, very ornate, ancient key. This key is not hidden, but not all may use it... God, me, and a few treasured friends. To us, the key is weightless as a bit of daisylion fluff and grants entry into my garden with ease. But to those whose life'sblood is bile and venom,  it's as an unbudgeable, unliftable stone, over which they'll stumble and fall away, helpless to intrude upon the joyful celebration of life within.

: )

(((((((((((Hops))))))))))))

Love you much,
Carolyn

[Hopalong]

Thanks, Ami.
What I meant was that one of the key things I've struggled with in the last couple years was naming and stating that one of the hardest things in my present life has been simple loneliness. Enormous work stress and job insecurity, and other stress of caregiving an ancient person (fetching ambulances, lots of emergency medical things, for 8 years), plus a very painful back problem, added up to seeing a friend maybe once a week and some weeks not at all besides an hour at church. I was getting very isolated.

The steps in taking care of that turned out to be (not planned, really, but responding to the drive to care for myself better):

Writing a very nekkid sermon about it that I gave to about 150 folks.
Naming it more often thereafter. Inviting other people to name it (instead of how-are-you-I'm-fine whew).
Enduring periods of depression where I did nothing about it and it got worse
Posting here like a demented woodpecker
Finally, asking for and arranging more help w/Ma so I have time after work for myself, bliss (had to decide it was OKAY to: approach her church to walk the walk and start visiting her and bring her a meal for MY sake too)
Getting chiropractic care for my back
And, recognizing the many ways in which I've carved a compromise with reality that works for me (like maximizing my pleasure in the hypnosis by establishing it in my own mind as a relationship, if an odd one, that is helping meet some of my daily needs for intimacy)

So my life is starting to feel like I'm living more of it in the present, and not just waiting like some buzzard for her to die so THEN I can enjoy living.

Hope that makes sense.
It's like...focus on what feeds your heart and find MORE sources of that. Spread it around. Find more and MORE ways to feed your heart. I think that's like a foundation...

love
Hops

[Hopalong]

How wonderful Bean.
Thank you for that wonderful little movie of your evening. Seems like people all over are having great weather right now. Except in Burma. I have a Burmese friend. I taught him to drive. They had a vigil tonight but I worked too late.

I'm okay, and I work tomorrow. I enjoy handling the store alone, and you never know who might come in. People are always interesting. And I've got a lot to do on the web site and hunting up "green" dealers around the country and so forth. I'm excited about next week and D just called...has another plan for fun.

Right now I am thinking about, what kind of VEGGIE birthday cake can I make for her. Hmm. Zucchini, carrot, I am wondering what else is possible for a middling baker. The more veggies in it the better. Beets make good cakes. I'll go surfing.

And happier with the thought of you and your gaggle of pals. That's what I so look forward to. One day, I'll turn my terrace into a twinkly-lighted paradise and try to entice people over all the time. I bet I can too. I used to have great parties.

A freind of mine, on an 400-acre place in an old stone house, had Wednesday potlucks for about 20 years, until her hubby died. There were no invitations and different people turned up every week.  Needless to say, the menu ranged from roast pig to large stale bags of chips, but it was always interesting. It was a haven for me around the time my marriage was winding down. He was never home, and they were right down the road.

Night, Bean...thanks for checking in.

love,
Hops

[axa]

Hops,

Reading this reminded me AGAIN that when I am not present I get caught up in drama.  Thanks for bringing this up.  I was filled with anger over the past few days because I forgot all about the present.  I was sucked into the past and the wounds and lost my self.  Not being in the present in someway is so linked with my lack of self care.  I want to say I am so lazy about self care but what I need to is look at what the laziness is about.  The giving up/abandoment of my own care is the kernel of many of my problems.  I need some time to think about this and figure out what is beneath this.

Thanks

axa