Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Latest note from my mother
Michelle:
Man, she is smooth - she slides those little comments in there so smoothly that I had to reread it and say "WTF does that mean?" Thanks for letting me share this with you! I put the bullshit in bold for your reading convenience.
I got my pictures that I ordered this week from Shutterfly, they were so good, and i really got a lot of pictures for $29.00. :) :) Actually I got some for the boys too. Your youngest brother (name deleted) came up here and brought me something for Mothers day and I got a card from your middle brother & his wife (name deleted) but he forgot to sign it oh well thats typical of those two. ha I really am missing you and the babies and hope you will soon recover from what ever it is you are mad at me for. I still cant believe you are acting this way because I thought you were much more mature than that. Well I gotta run Steve and I are going to check some property out in Ringgold this evening as soon as he gets home from work. Kim is having a housewarming party tomorrow too that her mother and sister are giving her so I gotta go get her a gift certificate too . I do love you michelle and Im just sorry you dont realize it. love mama
She loves me? SHE loves ME? BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT!
That BITCH doesn't know what love is!!!!!!
fjdkasl;fjkdsla;fjadslkfjdslkfjdsa;fkldsjakfl;dsfkkdafsjdk I am so mad right now!
Singer:
Wow, that really sounds familiar. My mother never puts anything in writing, but I've heard the same words especially the following part.
--- Quote ---...hope you will soon recover from what ever it is you are mad at me for.
--- End quote ---
That's classic. Notice the finger pointing, "you", and the denial of responsibility "...what ever it is..." Not only didn't she do anything, but whatever it was is too trivial to remember.
I heard this part too...
--- Quote ---I do love you...and Im just sorry you dont realize it.
--- End quote ---
The bad news is that it seems that you have something that she wants, access to the grandchildren and the desire to stop you from making others aware that she's caused you pain. The funny thing is that by saying , "I do love you.." she's admitting that something has actually occurred to make you believe otherwise.
In my experience, when the children are grown she won't need to be so conciliatory and that's when all hell really breaks loose.
But at least you're aware of what's going on, so that gives you an advantage now.
Stay strong!
Singer
Spirit:
Hi Michelle
You are very right and I am so glad that you are able to see right through her lies. The subtle way they slide in their comments is always so annoying ! Ther easiest way I found to identify lies is to substitute 'you ' with 'I' in their comments.. and sometimes it shows howmuch dishonest they are about themselves !
Once about two years ago I got so fed up with my fathers lying and my mother's non involvment to communicate with me in any way, I asked them to write to me after an emotional scene to 'tell me openly 10 secrets or lies which they have told me so far in their lifes"
After many days of thought my dad could not think up of more than two or three secrets. One of the most striking secret which he was willing to disclose to me included ' I love your mom and we fell in love and got married and I am not sure if I told you that ' :roll: :cry: Even there he couldnt call her his wife !!!!!! and they are still living together ( read sharing the same living space ) after 43 yrs of married life !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Some of the other usual drivel I get from him from him include..
' You are going through a bad phase in your life I think '
" your mom loves you so much and you wont know how much she loves you ' ( but I wonder why she never bothered to conytact me even once since I left home on good terms at that time )
' Treat me as your friend. I am like one of your friends'
'Don't trust your relatives( sometimes friends ) most of them are jealous of you'
"they are jealous of you because you are lucky.. your frends don't have a father who will treat their son as a friend"
" there is a cloud over your head limiting your vision.. don't listen to anyone who might try to help you "
" I admire your courage.. thats why I know you wont ask for anyones help ( other than me )'
' your mom is sick... she would be disappointed in you"
"you are gifted. don't fall for any jealous and schemeing relatives who might try to help you'
' you are special and you always have me.. don't worry. The woman you want will come begging to you "
' You know me . I am never demanding like your friends parents. I am like your friend"
"you are very sensitive. you are over reacting.. don't get influenced by those thought that some friends or relatives might be thrusting on you cos they are jealous of us "
" you won't like me saying this but you are too sensitive.. like your mom.. she has spoilt you" ( she rarely talks to me aven when I was a kid )
Hhahahahahaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
He is a good script writer. When ever he says 'you' I substitute it for him. Is that the falsified imge he has about HIMSELF !!! and all these time I was thinking it was me !!
When ever he wanted to impose something he used 'your mother's name. talking of owning responsibility ?
hahahahahaha
What is the solution ???????
identifying LIES wherever you see them. Sometimes I think asking them to own responsibility helps.
Sometimes asking her to own up might help. It took me long to try ( and still I couldnt bring myself to ask them to own up to many things ) just a few..and it failed cos I got the standard reply :roll:
But atleast it has reduced some of my burden.. and I found atleast a tiny bit of my voice back !
keep strong
Spirit
Anonymous:
Michelle,
I don't see her as smooth at all. She seems crudely narcissistic and self-involved. I'm sorry you had to receive such a lowdown missive from her.
bunny
Singer:
Hi Michelle,
I'm back again because something about the note from your mother has been bothering me and I thought I'd stop trying to distract myself and think about it.
I think it's the tone of the letter, that of a busy adult trying to reason with a difficult child. People change as they get older, and the N Mother is heavily invested in keeping the status quo. The period of time that I had the least difficulty with my mother was when I was most involved with my own children. I didn't have time for her nonsense, although I couldn't have put that into words; but I think she realized it on a very basic level. If she wanted to have contact with the kids she was going to have to make an effort to behave as though I was an adult whether she believed it or not.
I don't know if that's any help to you, but I thought I'd throw it out there. Seems to me that your instincts are correct. As parents ourselves, we HAVE to change. We can't remain in the same roles, and the frustration level rises as they attempt to put us back in our place and stay in charge.
Just some thoughts, now back to the dishes... :(
Singer
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