Maybe I am not the ONLY one who is insecure

[Ami]

News Flash  ( to me )---Maybe we are ALL insecure. I was reading an inner child book.The author( a therapist) was saying that she never met anyone whose parents really "allowed " the inner child to bloom. IOW, we are were taught by people who put shame and guilt on us.
   It hit me b/c someone called my H who had been at our party. I told her how pretty she looked. She gave me a similar compliment. Then she said ,"I wish I had a figure like you". SO THEN, I proceeded to tell her that I got this thin from stress and now I am a little heavier than I was......
  Then,I started thinking"TOO MUCH INFORMATION.."Just say,"THANK YOU.",but I was already in the middle of it.
  When I got off, I started laughing about my own insecurity.
  Then I thought that that lady was "insecure " too. Maybe we ALL are.
  I KNOW that people should figure this out when they are 13.I was just trying to survive so I could not learn simple lessons.
  Any comments would be very appreciated                                           Ami

[isittoolate]

hi ami

If we are on this board, we must be insecure.

Right! The 'too much information' is something to watch!

I do know some women who are secure, and have envied them for years, yet cannot remember their names, just the glow of happiness, security, maybe love, a good husband/wife, pleasant children, whatever and would likely look the same if they had no money/home. They would be secure enough to know they would survive!
Izzy

[Certain Hope]

Dear Ami,

Maybe that was too much information... but then again, maybe not.  I am never sure how to respond to such comments... always get flustered. I guess that is insecurity... but although it may be okay to simply say, "thank you", on the other hand -
at least now she knows a bit more about you and doesn't think you're "snooty", you know?
The best part of it is that you were able to laugh afterwards, I think, and not feel all stressed out about it.
I make so many - how do you spell it - "faux pas"?  Just gotta giggle and let it go.
Definitely, I am sure that everybody (but N) would admit to feeling insecure about some aspect of themselves at one time or another!

Love,
Carolyn

[Iphi]

I think that was a nice interchange where you each showed a vulnerability to each other Ami.  I'm insecure too, definitely noticing it sometimes more than others.

Today it hit me that I am very immature in several embarrassing ways and it reminded me of how you said you stopped developing at 14 in some ways.  It was a comfort to think that I'm not the only person who has confronted this kind of thing in themselves.  I almost had a shame spiral but thinking about how it isn't so awful or strange helped avert it.  Then I thought maybe most people have different underdeveloped places of more unconsciousness.

[Ami]

Dear Iphi,
   I must be getting better b/c it cracked me up. She wanted a simple thank you and I am telling her my whole sordid history.
                                                                                                            Love   Ami

[Bella_French]

Lol, I think that conversation was sweet:) I've had that conversation maybe hundreds of times with women i've met socially, and it always feels nice.

I think women- even the prettiest ones (and maybe especially them)- like to be validated. If they didn't, they wouldn't bother with all the glitter and show. They'd just turn up looking like a  real person, because they couldn't care less about what anyone thinks.

I think most people are insecure about *something*, but its different for everyone, and its not always what you expect, lol.

Anyway, i don't think you need to feel bad about what you said. I'm sure you made that lady feel really good about herself, and much more relaxed at your party.

X Bella

[axa]

You are not alone AMi, sitting in class yesterday all sorts of thoughts were going through my head, maybe I am not smart enough to do this course, wish I was thinner, etc............ so you are sooooooooooo not alone.  About the too much information, one of my biggest flaws, wish I could keep my mouth shut a lot of the time but then again this is who I am, insecure, disclose too much, a fixer, sometimes it lands me in trouble and sometimes it allows others be more open with me.  Trying to do a bit of accepting at the moment rather than judging.

hugs,

axa

[Ami]

I was listening to a Bible teaching.The man was saying that we all feel badly down deep b/c we all "know ourselves" and  our own bad qualities..
   He was saying that ,as humans ,we struggle to like ourselves and be at peace with ourselves. He said that since we know who we are , we feel badly b/c we know how "flawed " we are. That made sense to me that feeling insecure is a human condition--- not just people who were abused by N's.
  What do you think?   
  Ami

At this funeral, something 'kicked" in to me that we are all"human". I got isolated in to a little box as someone with an N mother .I was in a subset of life( and people).I don't know if anyone knows what I mean.
  I see that if I face more and more truths about myself and life that I will enter the "main " set of people--- humanity

[Ami]

The inner child book says that when we were young, we took on messages that our deep self was wrong( everyone). So, we started developing an ego(in the Buddist sense of the word -- false self). We pushed down our deep feelings and made a false self that we thought would get us what we wanted and needed(love, attention, feeling special).
  We decided that the false self would get us all these things,so we just kept building up the false self.
  At some point ,our real self(deep inner feelings) is buried and we are bored and trying  to fill the void.
  The book says that about 95% of the population is codependent(on substances ,processes and/or people). Well,at least I am not alone-lol                                 Ami

[Bella_French]

LOL. Dear Ami, I've been told that too by medical professionals. I guess that makes Co-D `normal' then:)

X Bella