Hi again all,
I've had a busy weekend and I appreciate all of the responses! They really give me hope.
Enough, you're comment:
"to see that others have felt that they just want to be "separate adults from the parents that won't let go" strikes such a chord with me. i have always felt alone in that feeling, as i watch my friends and aquaintences doing just that."
Wow. Yes, I totally agree about feeling alone in that feeling. I sometimes feel like everyone in the world has separated in a healthier way from their parents than me. I am now realizing that my N mom never knew how to let me separate. She never encouraged it because she didn't know how. She sure as heck didn't do it with her mom, so how could have she with me? Her instinct was to protect me from the harms that she suffered as a kid. She would always tell me that my dad would regret leaving me/us because our relationship wouldn't be as strong. Well, the opposite happened...I am now having to put this boundaries up to separate from her, she is pushing back and my relationship with my dad has done nothing but get stronger.
I feel my mom's pain b/c she truly thought she did the right things for me...and that she continues to do so because it is all in "good faith". For some reason, she thinks that if things are done with good faith and good intentions, they don't have any meaning to anyone else. And, when she gets scared of losing me...I think she turns to panic mode and then says so many hurtful things. And, when I question her, of course we go back to square one where she can't believe I have an issue with anything she could be saying because she "meant well".
Right now I am reading the book "Toxic Parents" by Susan Forward. So far, it is very helpful.
But, I just hope that time will teach me how to just be OK with myself...with my pace, with my decisions.
Love,
Doodle
