What do you think are good life-lessons that I can teach my children?

[finding peace]

(And maybe I can teach them to myself in the process?)

I try so hard not to repeat the mistakes of my parents, and am very successful at this in a lot of ways.  But I feel like I may be missing essential pieces that I was never exposed to in my childhood, and that lack in me will be passed to my children.

So I guess the question is two-fold – as an adult, what do you think are good or important life-lessons to teach children, and if thinking as a child, what lessons do you think would have been the best to know at that time?

Off the top of my head, the following lessons jump out at me (some may overlap):

1.   Have fun and look for the beauty in life (don't get caught up in the ugly, but know that it exists).
2.   Learn how to effectively set boundaries and be ok with them
3.   Life is a journey.  There will be bumps along the way – it is not the bumps that define us.  What defines us is how we deal, learn, and grow from the bumps.
4.   You are in the driver seat in your life, and you get to choose your destination.  As part of this, you can choose your outlook (or mood, or how you feel about
      something)
5.   Think for yourself.  It is important to listen and consider other's thoughts, but ultimately, define and own your own outlook
6.   .....

All input is greatly appreciated!

Much love to all of you!
Peace

(By the way - CB123, I just wanted to let you know that I tried what you suggested with my girls.  They were fighting the other day and I had them sit on a chair and say nice things to each other.  They ended up laughing like loons - worked like a charm - thank you!)

[gratitude28]

Peace,
Here are my lessons that I work on with the kids - and which have seen great results:

It's OK to fail, as long as you tried your hardest. Failing helps you see where you can do better and how you can improve. But it is absolutely importand that it be understood that it is OK only when putting forth a full effort!

Building skills takes time and effort. You can be good at anything, but you won't get there magically.

Attitude of gratitude - you need to be thankful for everything you have. We can see this in every day life. They are grateful for their health when they see others less fortunate. At the same time, we have talked about how important it is to love what God gave you and do the best with what you have.

If someone does not respect you, you are fine without that person. No person is worth being less than yourself to befriend.

These are a few that are important to me because I am still learning them. I have sweet, kind children and I wish I had been more like them growing up.

You sound like a great mom, Peace!!! I can't wait to see what people write and try to incorporate them into our lives as well.

Love, Beth

[lighter]

If you lose.... don't lose the lesson.

People who are mean to other people, and not you, will eventually be mean to you too.

When people show you who they are.... believe them.

Don't make the first excuse for other people's bad behavior.

Don't name call, finger point or raise your voice when engaged in an important discussion.

Do not allow other people to name call, finger point or raise their voice at you, during a discussion.

If someone is abusive, physically or emotionally, break contact.  Do not allow them to have an audience with you unless the can address you with respect.

Learn to trust your instincts.

Be mindful during your waking moments, not careful or diligent or fearful.... mindful.

Think about what you want someone to hear.... about what you wish to accomplish with your words..... before you speak.

If you're wrong about something.... apologize straight away, don't hesitate and don't make excuses.

If someone is asking you for forgiveness..... and they've explained why they hurt you, why they won't do it again and how they plan on avoiding hurting you again.... you should forgive them.  Even if you refile them somewhere new in your heart.

Forgiving doesn't necessarily have to involve letting those we forgive KNOW we forgave them.  We can forgive people who have died or we don't want to talk to ever again, same as forgiving people we verbally forgive, face to face.  Forgiveness is inside of us, not an external action that requires validation.

Most people are doing the very best they can do..... if they could do better, they would.

Instead of getting angry at someone who's offending us, let's ask ourselves what happend to that person that they're behaving so badly instead.  Then let's be glad we're not them and keep having the best day we possibly can.

Tomorrow is promised to no man.

Speak to your children the way you want them to speak in the world.

If you make a mistake...... it's ok.  That's how we learn to do better.

If you want nice kids.... be nice to your kids.

Learn different strategies for handling stress and negative emotions (anger.)  No one is born knowing how to do this..... we have to work at it and aquire tools as we go.

Learn to say 'no' and how to set and enforce bondaries.

Reach out and help someone less fortunate than yourself.... for perspective and because it's the right thing to do.

Children have 2 jobs..... to do as well as they can in school and with personal responsibilites..... and to discover their passions in life.  They aren't responsible for our emotions or feelings.  If we tell them they MAKE us angry or SAD or whatever.... we best back up and remind them, and ourselves, that that's not one of their jobs.... to make us feel OK.  We handle our emotions..... they handle theirs.

Lots more.

Must run.

Great thread: )

[Ami]

Dear Peace,
  I did two things that I think were really good with my kids. I knew that I had "issues". I was very fearful of driving and many things. I did not hide who I was ( b/c kids see it anyway). I always owned my behavior as mine and  that it had nothing to do with them.
   If I was driving and getting nervous,I would say,"Mom is a nervous driver.It has nothing to do with you.". They would laugh and say,"We are  not gonna be like you, Mom."
  It would be funny when I was driving another kid.One kid mentioned something to my son and they started laughing. The kid was calling me a "hot rod". My kids are great drivers and  adventurous people.
   The other really important thing is to always ,always be honest about what is going on b/c they 'know" it anyway. This is the ONE reason I lost confidence in myself. Right before my eyes was insanity. My F said,"You are just imagining( exaggerating) it"--in so many words.
   Kids know how people are feeling,if people are hurting,if someone is "bad",etc. they know it all. We need to make sure that they don't lose their"cores" by telling them that what they are seeing is NOT really happening
  I have two good kids and I had a raging N for a mother.Honesty and love will give you kids who you can "like" and love. Later, they give you back love and it is a blessing.
  Peace, you are very smart and have good sense. .I wish that I could go back and have you for a Mom.
                                                                                     Love   Ami

PS  I wanted to add that I had a lot of fun with my kids. Kids are really fun. I played imaginary games with them. We laughed over crazy things together. We still laugh a lot.It builds a bond

[Iphi]

This is such a great topic.  I wish I had known a lot of these myself!

One thing is not really an addition to above, but an angle that has been so huge for me.  I have been learning to become fascinated with everything that can be learned from when things don't work - from losing. 
I knew nothing about winning/losing, you know?  I just thought you had to be a genius and never sweat or else - you aren't worth the air you breathe.  That's how my family acts, even if they never came out to say that - they never say otherwise either. 
Anyway, the effort you put into trying at anything is huge and builds who you are in larger ways than the activity, or any winning or losing at the activity, or any recognition or no-recognition.  The perseverance, the application, the discipline, the insights about how the activity connects with life and other topics, teaching you how to learn something, teaching you how to temper yourself, teaching you about socializing or teamwork and all those lessons while doing a group activity.   So many things that are such good stuff and have nothing to do with prizes and honors. 

This will sound silly but, one of the best ways I ever wasted my time was in all the card playing I did growing up.  For some reason I was always with people, including my FOO, that play a lot of cards.  My best buddy in teen years and her family. In college and after we played cards too.  Card games are actually fantastic life lessons and I come back to the lessons of cards again and again.  So understanding a lot about cards gives me a way to understand other things - especially interchanges (energy, bargaining, luck, skill, value, letting go, mastering your feelings, strategy - so much!).  I think the same could be said for some of the other great games such as chess or mah jong, but cards are what I happen to know about.

[Ami]

Dear Iphi,
  THAT is so interesting-- about learning from the process. WOW------ I will get Cheech and Chong,now.
                                                                                                                    Love   Ami

[SilverLining]

The importance of  really listening to others instead of just waiting for a turn to talk about yourself.  And the way to teach this to the children is to make sure to do it with them. 

Just something I've realized might have been nice to  experience in my childhood . 

[Iphi]

Wow that's a really good one tjr - voice!

[teartracks]

Truth is like the sun. You can shut it out for a time, but it ain't goin' away.

Philosophy: Elvis Presley

[mudpuppy]

Never give a sucker an even break.

Misanthropy: WC Fields

mud

[finding peace]

Hey Friends,

Wanted to thank all of you for responding.  I am going to compile a list from all of this great advice and try and come up with some ways to implement these in everyday life for my kids.  A lot of really great advice here - thank you!

3D has become extremely hectic - am struggling to keep up! Please know all of you are in my thoughts and prayers.

(((((((Everyone))))))))))

Peace