Interesting article on psychological abuse

[tayana]

I found this article today, and I thought I would pass it on.

http://lifewise.canoe.ca/Living/2005/02/08/924283.html

[Iphi]

Thanks tayana I finally had a chance to read it.  It's good to see a focus on psychological abuse and I thought the point that the abuser is doing it to dominate and control was perhaps the key thing to take away.  It's something I think often gets lost in the mix.

[tayana]

Iphi,

I think this form of abuse is often overlooked.  It's still abuse.  Dominance and control, and that the abusers often have very low self esteem are very key points.  I wish there was more focus on this topic, because most people don't realize how damaging it really is or what the long term effects are.  I don't think most people looking at my family from the outside would see it as abusive, but when I read those lists for emotional and verbal abuse, I can tick off almost every characteristic.

[isittoolate]

I think the first time I was aware of this Ambient abuse was reading Sam Vaknin.

I really understood that, right away.

Then I moved on to other authors, and "The Emotionally Abusive Relationship', Patricia Evans, was really great! Then I read about the misongynist at an online site and found that the person who wrote that was dead on with the previous. There used to be a colour site but it is now up as a pamphlet, if you print it.

http://tinyurl.com/yta7zg

I just hate the fact that so many children are being abused and don't even know it and by the time they understand what is happening, they are ready for therapy!


Izzy

[Iphi]

Wow Izzy thanks for that link.  What an excellent pamphlet.  Again the control.  I especially was struck by the point that the abuser needs to be in charge of all abandonments.  That is so true.  Though this pamphlet is in regard to a male/female relationship abuse, I think anyone with a same sex N parent would agree it is the same dynamic - the abuser needs to be in charge of all abandonments.  Also thought it was so interesting how they recommend you need to ride through, if possible, the abandonment experience and it acknowledges how intensely anxious and painful the experience can be.  I'd say yes to that.

It's also so true about the undermining and the show of disgust.  I'll be reading that again to let more of it sink in. 

[finding peace]

Tayana,

This is a great article.  I have been exposed to most types of abuse.  At the root of all "types of abuse" is emotional abuse.  IMO - emotional abuse is the most devastating type of abuse to overcome because of its insidious nature - how do you prove it?

I can easily point to a black eye and say - hey I was abused.  But how do you point to the scars in the spirit?

One thing I am glad of, I think that this type of abuse is becoming a lot more recognized. 

Much love,
Peace

[isittoolate]

Hi Iphi
I am glad you got something from that site. I sure did. I lent my"Patricia Evans" book and it never came back, but I found this Internet site so close to the book.

I printed it (since my book didn't come home) as sometimes websites just disappear.
It really helps to understand the dynamics of the abuse in order to know how you got this way and what to do to get out of it!

Izzy

[Hopalong]

how do you point to the scars in the spirit?

ratcheer, hon.

(((((((((((Peace)))))))))))

and with art and song and dance and poetry..
and talking to animals

xo
Hops