Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
What to do, what to do?????
Learning:
Hey Michelle,
It's me again. I logged off after writing you the last message and then I felt like maybe I shouldn't have made the comment about your positive attitude. I am worried that you might think I am putting you into a role. I just want you to know that, yes, when you feel like being positive it brings light and that yes, whatever you are feeling is valuable and welcomed.
I probably didn't need to say that, but I just wanted you to know what I am really thinking. :)
Thanks for your patience!
Anonymous:
Hello everybody,
Portia, thanks! That's the link! It really helps me clarify "OK" anger with the destructive stuff that Ns dish out. One of my Ns calls this being "candid". right. Also, there's a fine line between affectionate teasing and hurtful namecalling. I think it depends on intent, tone and the receiver. My NSIL called my child a sore loser and was practically yelling it at her, when it was NSIL who was losing and being sore. Typical.
And Learning, thank you for the kind words, esp. about my writing. (Sorry I didn't mention that before!) My dream is to become a writer, but I'm still figuring out my niche. I like your name because I prefer to keep learning vs. posing as a I Already Know Everything type. So much more fun...
Take care, Seeker
Michelle:
--- Quote ---It's me again. I logged off after writing you the last message and then I felt like maybe I shouldn't have made the comment about your positive attitude. I am worried that you might think I am putting you into a role. I just want you to know that, yes, when you feel like being positive it brings light and that yes, whatever you are feeling is valuable and welcomed. I probably didn't need to say that, but I just wanted you to know what I am really thinking
--- End quote ---
Learning - You are right. You didn't need to clarify that at all. I appreciate your compliment very much.....many people read my personality as fake or put on but it is not. I am sincerely down to the core a positive person. I enjoy being that way. I do admit that I have a hard time letting my anger out in healthy ways but I am working on that. I feel very proud to have written the letter to my mother on here. It really opened a new range of emotions for me.
Don't ever worry about anything you say to me. You have been very supportive and your intentions are true. Thank you for that.
Michelle :wink:
Learning:
Hi Bunny,
--- Quote ---
"Wow, he shouldn't embarrass you." She also said he broke a promise to her. I said, "He should not do that. Go tell him that it upset you." And she did just that. Maybe this isn't subversive, but hey, I think the film Mary Poppins is subversive.
--- End quote ---
I would do the same thing. I guess it is subversive but it is also practising justice. That's interesting...something to think more about at another time. I don't remember Mary Poppins too well, but now I think I might have to rent it. :)
--- Quote ---I will even take a child aside afterward and say, "Let's run away from ______(name of relative)."
--- End quote ---
I really like that. I think I might use that when in a similar situation. It's helpful to the child to have an adult on their side. I don't know if you say it in front of the adult who said it or not, but if you did it also sends a message to them.
Take Care, Bunny!
Learning:
Hi Portia!
No, mom did not ask a bit about me in her email. She rarely does. Usually, only if she hears a reluctance in my voice to speak to her when she phones.
--- Quote ---Yep, all of that. Felt guilty writing (washing dirty linen in public), felt like I was betraying her (the old tape playing), too much thinking about this can make me light-headed (am I going crazy?), is she really an N (who cares? I was abused, that’s for sure and this is about me, not her)….and yes, once I started on this road, there’s no way I could stop, turn off my thoughts and be ‘ignorant’. It’s like turning to the light after years of hiding in the shadows.
--- End quote ---
I can relate to all of those feelings. The light-headedness is something that I am feeling quite a bit lately. I keep telling my H that I feel like I am suspended in time. I guess you are right, it seems to come from thinking about all this so much. I am a bit afraid to stop thinking about it because I don't want to forget what I have been trying to accept. I am trying to hold on to what I am feeling so that when I can get to a therapist, I can share it with them.
--- Quote ---
And now I’m reaching the point where I really want to get on with my life and do it my way. Wow! Writing that was quite an achievement in itself!
--- End quote ---
Portia, that is wonderful! I can't claim to know everything you have been through, but I know you deserve to live life on your terms. I hope you will share your experience with us!
--- Quote ---
No, I originally wanted Cordelia from ‘King Lear’ but it was taken. So Portia from ‘The Merchant of Venice’ because I admire her standing up for justice. My name’s Stephanie but I’ll always be Portia here and funnily enough, she’s my alter-ego too, nudging me to remember my new ‘truth’ when I slip into old ways of thinking. I hope ‘Learning’ does that for you too!
--- End quote ---
I haven't read 'The Merchant of Venice', but I think I would like to now. I have also been trying very hard to stand up for justice in the last several years and I am so happy to hear your voice saying that is your goal too. I don't think "Learning" is as poetic as Portia, but when I joined here that was the only name I could think of that adequately described my state of mind. I guess I am still trying to find my new 'truth'. I have had some new truths written onto my heart that I really am satisfied with in the past decade, but I feel that there are several more chapters for me to explore. And actually I am really excited about that.
Portia, I am very please to meet you!
Take Care,
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