Sharing a Dream

[Ami]

I am just going to share this dream I just faced that my N mother was a 3 yr.old. .I told her the truth .Now,she will not even talk to me on the phone.I know that the dream is about her ,but I can't really see the connections. If you want to respond, fine.If not,I just wanted to share it b/c it is strange and I know that it means s/thing about N's.
  I was in a stadium. It was full of people.I was with s/one( a female doctor with a needle). She was giving people injections and killing them. She was systematically giving the people injections as if it was a "good" thing( altruistic)
   In the middle were big tables piled high with bodies under an olive green tarp.After a long time of injecting people, I looked out to the stadium and it was almost empty. I thought,"How could she kill all these people and think that it was a "good" thing?.I knew that I had to shut up about my question and  even stop   my "thinking "'  b/c it was dangerous to "state the obvious"

[Ami]

I think that I know what part of the dream means. My N mother just "kills"(destroys) people. I have to act as if it is really "good"how she is. I see all the bodies( people she has hurt ) and I can't say anything or even think anything b/c it is too dangerous. 
  I think that she could do or say anything( even killing a stadium full of people)but I could not question if she was "good"..It was too dangerous to look at the truth( all the dead bodies) and even ASK about them or even THINK about them.It was too dangerous to "state the obvious" about  ANY of her  actions-------

[Ami]

This was the dream-----She could do anything and you could not even think,let alone SAY that there was ANYTHING wrong with it---------too many bleh's to count   

[sally]

I think you are absolutely right.

But, now, you are allowing yourself to see the truth:  The truth about your M and the truth about how you were before you began to heal:  afraid to say (or even think) the truth.

But now, you can say & think the truth

love,
sally

[Ami]

THANKS   Sally==Love you---               Ami

[lighter]

Lord Ami.... that was a really disturbing dream.

I had one last night.... not so disturbing but I put it out here.

I was called on to do a family commercial.... I had to be a cavewoman, apparently, lol so was frantically going through closets to find something that would do in a pinch.  I was looking for certain things I know have been edited out of my closet for years.

I came accross an entire wall of cupbouds that used to belong to my mother, who was a hip single mom with accessories to match everything.  I don't even wear earings, lol.

So..... I run to ask her if she's still using that space.... if I can go through those closets, presumably to look for the long gone fuzzy clothing articles that shouldn't be anywhere in the house... and she says.....

bascially nothing.

I'm left with the feeling that she's still using that space, it's hers and I'm not welcome but it's my house now and I should do with it as I please. 

Talk about frustrating!

I about threw up my hands and said I didn't want to do the commercial!  Who's stupid idea was it anyway!>?!!??  I HATE THIS KIND OF THING!!

I often think of my sister and mother as Lucy Ricardo Sr. and Lucy Ricardo Jr., they come up with all kinds of uncomfortable silly things that seem outragouse to me and they certainly didn't want me to walk away so the placated me back into being the STAR cavewoman, without proper clothing, trying to learn my lines as I went. SOmething I'm terrible at under the best circumstances!

Wretched way to wake up on a rainy morning with a sick child: /

[Ami]

One thought that hit me as a thread in the dream,not the whole content was that her cupboards were in your house. What hit me was that she could still be in your 'head'. A house represents  "us" in a dream.
   Janet gave me a deeper idea about my dream. Since my M is a therapist,I just had her as a doctor in the dream. However, she is killing people ( and destroying them) b/c she is a full blown NPD doing therapy with people. This makes sense too. She is destroying all these people and I can't even think let alone say,"Is s/thing wrong here?(WHY is BLEH such a descriptive word?)                            Ami

[isittoolate]

Ami, yours put me in mind of Hitler, a raving N, putting all those people to death, WWII

and lighter I cannot figure yours,
but
mine
Every so often I have a dream that throws me off for the whole day, and that's the truth. Yet the dream means nothing that borders the truth,

but
last night
I dreamed that the N and my N sister were in cahoots and instigated a plan to totally ruin me. Just about everbody in my life was in the dream and followinf those cohorts, even my dead mother was alive. They ended up taking my house, car, every piece of anything I owned until all I had left was what I was wearing and what my daughter was wearing. She was about 7-8 and we were on our way to see the school principal to tell him--either why she was late or why she wouldn't be back--or whatever. He was on our side and when my mother came in with endless yapping, he just slammed the door in her face. Her wheelchair fell apart.

and the last I remember before I woke was that further back I had realized I had not signed anything about my house changing owners,

I have been crabby alloday, so far.

then some awful dreams don't linger more than ½ an hour and the day goes fine!

Izzy

[lighter]

Ick Izzy.... I guess the school guy was a window into reality outside your crazy N FOO and SO's warped one? 

Your Mother's wheelchair falling apart struck me as one of those moments when an N falls apart, or Borderline personality whatever, and we feel like running to their aid.

My sibling falls apart regularly.  There's always a crisis.... snapped fat in her leg when tubing on the lake, a swollen ankle while bike riding on vacation..... a turned ankle at Walt Disney World...... her stranded on my sofa with an impinged hip nerve for 3 weeks upsetting everyone in the family, one after another until we're all mumbling to ourselves at bedtime.... someone outside our FOO rolling their eyes or standing up to her, all regular crisis' in our lives. 

I don't know what happens if she falls apart... I only know I don't want to witness it or have to be there to pick up the pieces. 

What happened to your mother, in the dream, after her wheelchair fell apart?


It was your father who was abusive?  Not your M?