Pops, this is one of the things that my nmom has instilled in my son. When he doesn't feel good, is hurt, or anything where he feels down and out, she would baby him. So if he gets a sniffle, he forgets how to walk to the kitchen. If he's throwing up, he acts like he's dying. If he's got a fever, then I'm suppose to wait on him hand and foot. And if he hurts himself, I'm supposed to hold him and make it all better.
The problem is that he never learns to be self-sufficient. I can understand and appreciate that he feels pain differently. It's a trait of autism. I can sympathize. I can't handle that blood-curdling screaming that makes my stomach knot, my heart race, and makes me want to crawl into a corner, curl up in a ball, and cry. That's what I wanted to do last night. I didn't but I wanted to.
My mom always told me I was being cold and cruel when I would look at a paper cut, brush it off and say, "It's not bleeding." and act like nothing happened. My son think a paper cut is a cause to break out the gauze and bandage him up like a mummy. I reacted that way for minor bumps on the head, or something like last night, where I know it hurts, but there's nothing I can do, and hugging isn't going to make it better. I always hated that when something was wrong with M, he was treated like he was helpless, and now it's a learned behavior. He wants someone to take care of him, and I just keep encouraging him to do it himself. Or mostly, he'll say. "Get me a drink of water." I'll say, "Do you know where the kitchen is?" "yes." "Then get it yourself." He's more than capable of getting his own drink. He can pour his own glass of milk, juice, soda, etc. He can get his own snacks. He can operate the microwave. He is not helpless, and I"m tired of seeing this helplessness encouraged.
I have decided, perhaps foolishly, that since M doesn't seem to be capable of cleaning his room on his own, that we're going to do it together for a while. I'm hoping that if I do it with him and teach him how to do it, with a reward, that he'll learn to do things on his own, put things away when he's finished, and generally learn to take care of the chore on his own. I'm hoping that I"m not continuing this helplessness routine.
The helplessness my mom created has always made me very angry, and because I would get angry, I would react inappropriately to M, being harsher than I really intended.
