Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

NMom hates new H

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Anonymous:
Hi Claris -- You've got lots of good advice about supporting your H and refusing to tolerate your mother's bad behavior. Just wanted to say about your dad -- my stepmother was a difficult person who could be quite nasty and would sometimes make fun of my dad in front of us. I was amazed that he tolerated it, but I came to the conclusion that he liked what he got from the relationship -- she was a good cook, kept a nice house, organized his social life, and kept him from being lonely. For him the benefits were worth the costs.

You never know what trade-offs people make in relationships. You have tried to help your dad, suggested counselling, etc. You can keep suggesting now and then, but that's really all you can do. He has to make the decision to act.

Regarding having an N parent live with you, my N mother has said loudly that she will "never" go into a nursing home. So far my stepfather is healthy and they have enough money to hire help if they need it, and I'm glad because I could never live with her, and don't intend to.

Morgan

Anonymous:
Hello all,

When I read this thread I couldn't help but think about all the Ns that I have observed turning away people they didn't handpick to be in their "club".  Like an organ rejection.  

One N I know didn't like her friend's child, or another friend's husband, etc. Just wants the one approved-of individual.  Can't take the whole package or even tolerate it because they know they can only fool one person at a time...she also knows that those other people take the friend "away" from her.  And she should come first.  Gag.

Just an observation.  Seeker.

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