H's family is getting in on it! The smear campaign....

[DivineSunshine]

All right.......so I stopped all contact with my H after I cancelled attending any counseling with him.  He has not tried to contact me.  Which is a little scary actually, BUT here's the newsest deal.

My brother and his brother work together in a local construction company.  My brother used to work FOR my H and his brothers when they ran and operated their own trucking/construction co. and he saw them fighting like crazy men many times.  Mostly the older brothers, not my H so much.  He knows what they are capable of and dangerous they are andhow they  lose control of themselves quickly and irrationally.  And then do stupid things.  He knows, I KNOW.  People know. 

We even had to call for police protection one night when my husband had to call the police to get away from his own brother trying to attack him at their family office.  Then we had police patrol protection  at our home for a night or two after that (many years ago.)--------  Then my husband tells me I have NO REASON to be afraid of his family................hello?  hello? HE called the police on his brother, not me. 

Anyway, this other brother (there are 4 more) comes to work first thing after his hunting trip and starts in telling (loudly) my brother that HE MUST TALK TO ME---BECAUSE I HAVE TOTALLY LOST MY MIND!!!!  His family sticks together regardless of what one has done.  It's creepy.  I understand family devotion, but----come on!

So, my brother just told him he didn't need to talk to me because it was between me and my husband.  The end.  I am sure he is not thrilled to be in that position and I wish he didn't have to be.  I already told him I am sorry for that.

But, this is soooo ridiculous!  I knew I would have to take on his entire family when I finally did something about this.  I just can't believe how "out there" they really are.  But I can.  It is why I have been afraid for so long to do anything. 

One of the sisters is using the internet and her kids to try to get through to my kids.  My daughter took them off her MYspace account so they could no longer get through since they were harrassing her there----- and now they are trying to contact all her friends and convince them my daughter is being brainwashed by me and whining that she is being  mean to them by shutting them out of her "friends" list. 

H has already told all kinds of awful untrue things to the police, cps, neighbors, my family (who won't talk to him any more), our church members, our friends, our doctor, the schools............it never ends.  And he is milking every bit with tears, and fake doctor visits and lies and all.  Pathetic. 

Whatever.  I will just be consistent and hold strong.  Just venting.

Love ya'll!

Sunny

[lighter]

::gulp:: 

I must say.....

everything you listed here....

is very familiar.

Remember that the facts just won't line up for H, after a while.

The more he runs his mouth the more facts will be askew, later on. 

You tell your side, calm and composed.... include your fears for safety.

Maybe come up with a brief 60 second synopsis you share..... so you don't have to think like mad about what to say every time you have to explain it to someone new.

People need to know the truth though.

If you keep acting like everything is fine, then all the sudden start telling the truth, people tend to doubt.

Be less stoic and more honest. 

It gets easier.

You could say something like....

My husband and I have been having trouble for years..... ther's been physical and emotional abuse.  I thought I could handle it.... work things out..... but it's clearly escalating, not getting better. 

I don't want to continue exposing the children to this dysfunction.....  I can't pretend anymore......  I fear for our safety... I had to go. 

Come up with something short and relatively painless.... read that as free of details but still fills them in.

You need to support of your community and church, not them coming around and calling..... trying to talk you into going back to DH bc they haven't heard a peep from you about abuse, KWIM?

I'm so glad to hear that your family, at least, isn't still talking to him and trying to convince you to stay.  That counts for a lot.

[Hopalong]

Sunny,
Bravo. Just vent here safely and stand your ground. You're doing GREAT.

Hey Lighter,

Couldn't agree more with your first post to Sunny--great advice to be honest with people and give a brief factual statement that includes the abuse. Superb idea. It's an ANTI-SHAME idea too!

Umm, err...the second?? Yoicks! 
Where'd that come from? No Contact sure enough would mean sex is so far off the table it's in a restaurant in another city, ja?

Hope so, anyway.

hugs both,
Hops

[DivineSunshine]

Regarding sex?

OFF  the table.  Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja!!!

I can't even remember what he looks like in my mind!  Which is strange---not that I try too hard, but I wonder if that is a PTSD thing? 

Man, I wanted to take it off the table when he was still around but he would throw tantrums so this is nice, but I see what you are saying. 

He did ask for a HUG at court last week.  I just looked at him.  Completely strange.  Just trying to mess with me emotionally again.  See how far I would let him push. 

Hmmmmm....yuck.

Sunny

[lighter]

Sunny,
Bravo. Just vent here safely and stand your ground. You're doing GREAT.

Hey Lighter,
Umm, err...the second?? Yoicks! 
Where'd that come from? No Contact sure enough would mean sex is so far off the table it's in a restaurant in another city, ja?

Hope so, anyway.

hugs both,
Hops

Ummmm... I was obviously multi tasking and failed to stay on track

The second post was for ReallME, not Sunny.  What a dreadful thing to read as I came back to this thread. 

When I saw my name two times in a row I was puzzled..... I didn't remember posting again.

I about fell over at the content, lol!